lost post

I just wrote a post and lost the whole blasted thing.

It's ok, though - I'm actually only having minor chest pains. It's just the same shit I feel every day, so it's easily recreatable. I hate when my writing takes that crooked, self-proprietary line of thought. I prefer to be able to branch out and write about "things," not just myself. I did have a lot of stuff in there that I needed to get out, so maybe I'll rewrite it later.

Hell, I wasn't plan on publishing it anyway. Half my blog is unpublished. I told myself I wouldn't do that - I wouldn't hide things. But then I realized it's my right. I don't have to share anything. Most of it is unedited garbage that I'll probably publish later when I get around to messing with it. The rest is stuff that people probably just don't need to read. I mean, there's no plans to assassinate anyone. It's just garbage about my depression, how stupid people make me feel, the various reasons that I avoid various people at varying times. I just...I've lived in this "crap-life" for the past 8 years, and I know how I work. I know the things to do for me, I know what works and doesn't work for me, and I know when I need to ask for help and when people need to just leave me the fuck alone.

It's like I can hear parts of Aaron's remark resonating in every look I get from people - it's like they're saying "I'm surprised you didn't kill yourself over the weekend. You actually found something better to do?" It's exactly like that.

Anyway, that's that. I'll post more later.

If I feel like it.

*sigh*