my butt hurts

i feel like i'm having a really difficult time keeping my brain in my head. it keeps wanting to, i don't know, burst out of the front or something.

how can you do that? how can you WAIT 5 MONTHS to tell someone something like that? HOW? i'm a different person than her, but REALLY...how do you "build up" to dropping that kind of bomb on someone?

it's not for me to judge, i know - but i am, so suck it. i'm so...pissed...or something that i don't even know right now. i mean, i was the one who stopped everything, in order for us to make intelligible choices. you know, i didn't HAVE to do that, but it was like the ONE TIME in forever that i didn't make a decision based on what felt good at the moment. and now, it's like i'm being punished for doing the right thing! i mean, WHAT THE HELL???


i think that this is, like, a TOTAL sign from God, that i should:
a.) go ahead and join the peace corps, which was my original plan, or
b.) never leave the house again

unfortunately, i'm entirely too coked out on emotions right now to make a deliberate and well-thought out decision. i can think of, at the very LEAST, 27 insane things that i'd LIKE to do, and i'm not EVEN going to mention any of those.

you know, i get the fact that i'm well and still ok and still employed and still have my health and all my teeth and the people i love, etc, etc. but i just can't help from having that "cosmic anally screwed" feeling. i don't mean "cosmic" as in God. i just mean...well, it probably has something to do with the fact that they dropped pluto off the planetary list. somehow i'm responsible for that, and now i'm paying for it.

this is insane. i feel insane. my brain has just imploded.

my only concern right now is what brand of cigs i should start smoking. maybe i should just move directly to crack, cut out all that middle shit.

like heather said, i'm expecting for a cuckoo bird to pop out of the front of my skull any minute. at least i'll be able to always tell what time it is...probably.

gravitational field: on


my life just keeps getting weirder and weirder. i keep expecting someone to jump out from behind a corner and yell, "surprise! you've been on tv for the last 7 years!"

i'm....speechless. i'm disappointed, i'm hurt, i'm sad, i'm sick, i'm angry, i'm confused.

i met a guy...a nice guy. i mean, i've actually met a few nice guys. but this one...i don't know. i'm....i can't find words. he's....wait, i thought that i had kind of had some "feelings" for him. but he had this ex, looming in the past, waiting for the right opportunity. and boy, did she.

i had kept telling him that he needed to get his issues with her sorted out before we went down "that road". he kept saying, "you're right, you're right." so they talked last night.

she's 5 months pregnant................