Unimaginable pain & feelings.....

Things have been...erratic, at best.

But I needed to share this passage, from one of my favorite authors, Piers Anthony, and his first book of the Incarnations of Immortality: On a Pale Horse.

Forgive my lack of enthusiasm and possible mistakes. I wish I could explain more, but I cannot. Don't let it deter from this beautiful passage, which is dedicated to this day and to the courage of a single person. If I could take away her pain or the memories soon to haunt her, I would gladly do it.

I love you, my love. You will never fall out of my favor, and I will stand by you for as long as you and I live.


Zane, back in the routine of his office, saw that the mother was suffering terribly from the first shock of her grief
as she cradled her dying baby in her arms. He was still working on the enormous backlog of clients that had accumulated during his strike, but he could not let the bereaved mother suffer more than she had to.
Zane stood before her. "Woman, recognize me," he said softly.
She looked up. Her mouth fell open in horror.
"Do not fear me," Zane said. "Your baby has an incurable malady, and is in pain, and shall never be free of it while he lives. It is best that he be released from the burden of life."
Her mouth worked in protest. "You — you wouldn't say that if one you loved had to go!"
"Yes, I would," he said sincerely. "
I sent my own mother to Eternity, to end her suffering. I understand your grief and know it becomes you. But your child is the innocent victim of a wrongful act — " He did not repeat what she already knew, that the child had been conceived by incestuous rape and born syphilitic. " — and it is better for him and for you that he never face the horrors of such a life."

Her haunted eyes gazed up at him, beginning to see Death as more friend than nemesis. "Is — is it really best?"
"Samuel Taylor Coleridge said it best," Death replied gently, extending his hand for the suffering baby's soul. "Ere sin could blight or sorrow fade, Death came with friendly care; The opening bud to Heaven conveyed, And bade it blossom there."
As he spoke, he drew the
tiny soul out. He knew even before he checked it that this one would go to Heaven, for now he had discretion in such cases.
"You're not the way I thought you would be," the woman said, recovering some stability now that the issue had been decided. "You have — " She faltered, seeking the appropriate word. "Compassion."

Compassion. Suddenly it fell into place. This was the quality Zane brought to the office of Death that the office had lacked before. It made him feel good to realize that the delays he had indulged in and the rules he had broken — that such acts could be construed positively instead of negatively. He cared about his clients, strove for what was best for them within the dreadful parameters of his office, and was no longer ashamed to admit it.
He knew he had been installed in this office for reasons not relating to merit. But he had conquered his limitations and knew that he would perform with reasonable merit henceforth.

"Death came with friendly care..." he repeated as he set his watch for the next client. He liked the thought.


I'll update again soon. Hopefully, more regularly now. No promises, though. I don't like to make promises that I can't keep. Right now, I'm just barely treading with my head above water - and everyone knows that I don't know how to swim.

Prayers. Prayers are good right now. And, if you're one of my many atheistic or agnostic friends, just your mere thoughts are appreciated as well. Hell, you can go in to your nearest Chinese restaurant and rub the Buddha's belly if you want. At least it might get you some strange stares, which is always good for a story later.

There are so many things that I wish I could share. But there are things I just can't. Please respect that. And, please bear with me. This season has presented one malady after another. I'm still here, though - just not always mentally present.

I love you all, and I hope your holidays, whatever your beliefs, are fraught with nothing but joy and peace.

More soon....


I cut ALLLL the hairs



It's been so long since I've posted anything, I think I might forget how!

Anyway, I've got world's second worst headache, have been having probably world's third worst weekend, and have got world's first worst body aches (weather), so Imma lay down.


*drum roll*

My new hair!

I have been DYING to get my hair cut, and this isn't the full version, because I'm getting it colored red and dark purple (I'm 30, it's my hair, I'm also getting a motorcycle, suck it up), but that's not until the 14th, because, OF COURSE, they didn't have my colors in stock. And, yes, I donated exactly 10 inches to Locks of Love, although I still think Wigs for Kids was a better organization. They didn't have a shady past, from what I read about Locks of Love.


I just hope they can fashion that crap into a beautiful wig for some baby, because it surely wasn't doing me any good, and I wasn't doing it any justice. It had just gotten way too hard to take care of, especially living in "Kleenex Box Bathroom" and showering in "Triaminic Box Shower." Oh, you don't get what I'm saying here? Let me clarify:


Also, YES, once again, I'm looking for a new place. There's been so much SHIT going on here, I just don't know that I can take it much longer. Plus, I'd like to have a place where me and the cats don't have to make a tent over my radiator heater to stay warm, or I don't have to walk around in the kitchen with a flashlight. I'd LIKE to do it before my surgery the first part of the year, but I don't anticipate that.

Oh yeah, next knee surgery is Jan 14, 08. I'm hoping they're going to do an arthroscopy on me as well, but we'll see. I haven't planned it, yet.

I did just have an MRI of my lower back, and they said I have bulging disks, whatever the crap that means. It's not hurting, but I had to have it done, so that Dr. Monfared would do a block on my right SI (sacroiliac) joint. Ever since I had the RIA, my right leg has been KILLING me - I exaggerate not. Right now, the front of my lower leg and my hip and knee are just throbbing. It's the weirdest crap. But, I'll let you know when that's going to happen.

I've got so much to tell you guys and to post and whatnot, but I'm killer tired. Heather took me to Salon 2000 in Trussville, which is where the deed was done, then we went and ate at Red Robin at the Pinnacle, and absolutely ran our mouths until we were exhausted.

God, I love hanging out with her.

Last two pics - I promise I'll be posting more soon that the webs are back. *sigh* I CANNOT make it without the interblags, for seriously.


Just so you know

You Are 76% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.

Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

Just don't ask which ones I checked "yes" to.


My girls

I just wanted to share a picture of my girls.

Jammy Pie is on the left, and Booboo is on the right.

Right now, I'm just taking one day at a time. I'll be back with you guys, soon...


To share

Why do I still feel so fucking dead?

All I did over the weekend was go through old photos of my mom, my family, my ex, dredging up those happy, happy times in my life, when my life was perfect. I don't MEAN to do that - it just happens. I just want to see her face, his face, our smiles. I want to FEEL all that again.

And, God-dammit, I KNOW it's gone! I know it will never come back, and that I need to move the fuck on!

AND I CAN'T MAKE ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT GNAWING, BURNING, SEARING PAIN, that makes me throw up at random, that makes me lose coherence in the middle of a conversation, that makes me lose complete touch with reality.

This is the face of "Major Cyclic/Recurrent Depression." This is what it's done to me. I regret it. I regret it all. I regret every fucking decision I've made since Mom passed away. How can it fuck you up this bad? I mean, your whole life, in the shitter?

And, you know what sucks? I don't even HAVE the problems other people have. I'm not starving, I'm not homeless, I don't have cancer, I have my entire family, who loves me and backs me, no matter what, I have an adorable best friend, that I would give my life for - my life is great, except for that MASSIVE CHUNK OF FEELING THAT'S MISSING.

Brains are fucked up. I'd gladly give myself up for research, to help others who feel like me.

*Bring it on*

I'm going to get back to me. I just don't know when. My depression is like a ticking time bomb - although, I never know when it's going to go off.

God, this sucks. I'm going back to bed. I already smell like a dead body - may as well portray one.

I'm sorry, guys. I'll be back sometime...


Dear Mom...part I

Hey, Mom.

So, today is the eighth anniversary of when you left this world. I want to say "when you left me," but I still like to think it was unintentional.

Just so you know, I just had a breakdown of volcanic proportions. It seems as though everything that has been going wrong in my life has decided to culminate on this very day. I've only got one word for it - annoying.

It's times like now that I'm both glad you're not here, but I could really use you. I'm glad you're not here, because I'd hate for you to see who/what I've become. I'm sure no one else will admit it, but I'm pretty much a horrible embarrassment to myself, and I know, to you. I'd never imagined myself, of all people, to be divorced at 30, and have nothing to show for myself. Sure, I have a regular job - what grocery store attendant doesn't? It's not that I ever thought I was better than anyone else, I just thought I was capable of doing better things. I certainly thought sanity wouldn't have been such a formidable adversary. I guess I always saw myself as still married to him, with kids, hopefully celebrating some sort of anniversary of some kind - certainly not this kind. I never would have imagined myself to be capable of the things that I HAVE done, especially the horrible transgressions I've committed against others.

What do I have to show for it?

A whole lot of empty pill and beer bottles for one. Tons of grey hair, wrinkles, and rapidly decreasing mental and physical health for another.

I never imagined myself here. I can honestly say that I would rather be dead than at this point in my life. Everything happens for a reason, but for the life of me, I couldn't begin to find a reason in anything that's happening now.

Pretty haughty for me to think that I deserve any more than the next person. I always think it's incredibly vain and self-centered for me to be worried about the trivialities in MY life, when other people have problems that are FAR worse than mine.

But you know, I try not to bother others with my worries. I keep to myself. But it's days like this that I'm just not so sure I can take it anymore. I wonder if you even remember who I was. I wonder if it even matters. I wonder if there ever will be a life after this, or if I'm always going to be stuck in this rut of an existence for some God-unknown eternity.

Mom, I know you've always taught me to be independent. And, it makes me feel weak to have to have my existence validated through other people. But, when you were here, you gave my life meaning. Then I met him, and I felt like I WAS someone, like I was capable of anything. First, I lost you. My life became unidirectional. It was like I'd lost my worth. Then, I lost him, and I lost everything.

And, now, I feel like I have nothing. And, nothing is what I have to show.

I have our family, and I'm so grateful for them. Every day, I thank God that they're mine. I have to say, they're the only ones who keep me going. But, they each have their own lives, and it kills me to ask them to take time out from those lives to take care of me. I know we're family, but it's just not right. I'm 30 years old, and I should be able to do this on my own.

Mama, I can't. I don't know how. Jesus Christ, if I feel like the biggest waste of space on this planet.

I know - how did I come up with all this, just because I lost the use of the car? You know me, though. Always the drama queen...or "Madonna" as you would call me, when I would show my ass.

The loneliness consumes me, like a sick, thick, inky, dark cloud. It envelopes me whole, taking a strong hold within my heart, following me around wherever I go, speaking to me when I slow down - on the elevator, on the walk home, while I'm laying in bed at night, praying for sleep to come...in my dreams.

Don't tell me I don't have God. I do. I know who He is. And, He has never forsaken me. He made me who I am. He knows that I'm a stubborn little girl who refuses to listen.

They say no parent should outlive a child. But, no child should ever have to let go of a parent, the way I was forced to with you.

You'd be much better off here than me.

Please forgive me for not being better.

I love you, and I crave your presence, guidance and solace. Please know that I don't create this pain - it follows me and burdens me, every chance it gets. I'm trying so hard to fight, but it seems this world only has so much to offer. The rest is a sickening chasm, destined to be filled by the unknown.

Mama, please don't forget me. Since you've been gone (2,920 days), there's never been a single day that I've forgotten you.

Please send help...


love / hate

I adore my family.

I just called my aunt, to fill her in on some of the crap of what's been going on, and her oldest daughter, Erica, answered the phone. She said that they were at K-Mart, having their picture made through that Olin Mills company, and apparently, Shelby, the younger of the girls, had brought her little friend Mariah with her, and so Mariah was going to have her picture made...with the family.

So Erica launches in: "I don't understand! We haven't had a whole family picture made since I was 10, and now THIS GIRL, who I don't even know, is going to be in our picture! What is the point of that? We're not going to buy it! It doesn't even make sense!," and I hear her talking in the background, "well, MOM, I don't even KNOW this girl! What sense is there in having her in a FAMILY PICTURE if she's not family??!? I mean, when we had our picture made with Jimmy, at least SHE was family! It's just WEIRD. She's not family, she's not going to BE family....mom, it's just weird, ok??? Hey, why don't I just walk out into the middle of K-mart and grab the next stranger I see, and say, 'Hey, you want to have your picture made with our family?' "

I'm laughing the whole time, by the way.

So, then she gets back on the phone and says, "Ok, well, mom's paying for the pictures, dad's having a stroke, and we're about to have the pictures made, so I'll tell her to call you back."

I just love my family more than anyone can ever imagine. I love the fact the we can drag complete, unintentional but laughable chaos into any situation imaginable.

Ok, so here's the breakdown on my broken-down car:

It got fixed...temporarily, thanks to a family friend. This is trivial, but thank you, Bill. I'll never have enough to pay you back for all you've done for me.

Anyway, the problem right now was a burned-out ignition coil ($300).

The problems they found when they actually got inside the car are as follows:
  • leaking oil pan gasket - $285
  • leaking distributor base - $525
  • change transmission fluid - $65
  • change oil
  • replace spark plugs - $75
  • replace front brake pads and machine rotors - $270
  • replace rear brake shoes - $195
  • replace fuel filter - $85
  • timing belt job (replace timing belt, water pump, front engine seals, external belts, valve cover gasket, & coolant) - $620
I don't really know what to say after all that, except that my tummy really hurts. I'm trying desperately NOT to have an emotional attachment to this car, but it WAS my mom's so.....

It's back at my house now, and it's going to stay there for as long as I can possibly manage. Since I've kinda gotten used to walking to work, there's really no reason for me to stop. It's going to be hell when the temperature drops, but I think it will last me long enough to decide what I'm going to do about all this. The general consensus is to get a new (used) car. But once I get a new car, I'm just inheriting IT'S problems that I have no idea about.

I'm not going to lie - I'd love to have a new car. Who the hell wouldn't? I want a Honda Hybrid more than I could possibly express. And, I'd be totally cool with a car payment, if I was done paying off my credit card. But since I still have something like 10 payments left, I really can't afford to do anything extraneous right now. Plus, as my health rapidly deteriorates, I continue to visit the doctor and take meds to even myself out.

I'm really selling myself, aren't I?

Well, on the upside, I'm definitely a cheap date. I ate a hot dog today. Here's it's picture:

Now, here it is compared to my soda:

These are going to be my meals from here on out, if I'm ever to start making ends meet again.

You know, though, I'm not bitter. Just frustrated. I'm trying really hard to get everything sorted out, but I always seem to get thwarted in some way or another. I mean, it's not like I'm this lavish spender. For God's sake, I've never even gotten the guts to buy myself a dresser, so my clothes are literally just strewn everywhere, usually covered by OTHER stuff or towels to keep the cats off them. I'm not a furniture-haver. I would love to be a furniture-owner, but I think you have to be a money-maker first, to have the other thing happen. I've only recently started purchasing my own clothes, so you know - baby steps.

So, I have my car back now. It runs. Just not long distances. I'm still walking. I'm also still in search of another bar job (or any high-paying side job that doesn't lead to me becoming some sort of prostitute...no, call-girl isn't acceptable either), so if anyone has any leads, please feel free to email me. I'm pretty good with computers, I'm a really fast learner, and I'm not above shoveling shit. I'm not above ANYTHING at this point (um, except the call-girl thing).

Things are going to turn around. They always do. I'm just really tempted to close my eyes until they do.


i'm not dixxy, your face is just blurry.

Current mood: flying high


I was just about to launch into this huge post, leaving in my wake tons of horrible pictures and cursing, as I'm singing Slipknot's "Fuck This World" at the top of my lungs.

But, then I got dixxy. See? That was actually supposed to be dizzy, but I'm apparently so dixxy I can't find the keys. Good thing I wasn't looking for car keys. Where are those, by the way?

I forgot, though - I just took a bunch of meds that make me want to be sleepy, since I can't seem to be wanting to sleep at night. And in case you haven't caught on yet, me not getting sleep = bad, bad things.

Oh man. There's ALL this shit I want to tell you guys, - or whatever peoples are reading this - but I'll have to wait for my brain to come back online sometime tomorrow. I spent ALL DAY cleaning my effing house, specifically geared towards tiring myself out and forgetting ALL about this horrendous day. It didn't work. When I got done, I was getting my second wind to start on the upstairs. So, I took the meds, popped a squat at the 'puter, and promptly forgot about the meds. And when I stopped finding the picture button with my brain and sat up to look for it, I did a complete sitting circle (God, I hope I know what all of this means when I sober up), slammed back into my chair and was like, "Oh my God - I think my head is on backwards!"

Then, I remembered. So, I decided to post it, since I was promising I was going to post about something else.

Yeah, this is going to mean NOTHING to me tomorrow.

So, I leave you with this: a couple of pics of me after a lone night's hardcore drinking. Those with weak constitutions might want to consider another country in which to take up residence (in my head, that's a pun - whether or not it will apply tomorrow, I'm no longer responsible):

(shit! where's that god-damned picture button???)

Jesus. It's so bad that I just listened to, like, 7 minutes of a song, wondering why I was listening to this song that I hated, before I realized I had the power to change it. Der.

Just so's you know, yer gonna be seeing a LOT of THIS jimmy for a while to come. She's very...unfortunate. And, that's about all I can say about her. Things aren't boding well here at "The Attic." I'm sure I'll get to elaborate more on that, and I'm sure there will be many groans and complaints to take me off the internet, because I make people reconsider suicide.

Not my intent. I'm just sharing, like I said, the very inner core of my brain that I can reach with an ice cream scoop. Don't like it? Don't read it.

Although, on the bright side, I DID just get asked out on a date. &=) By a friend. But we're still calling it a date. It's probably not going to develop into anything, since I'm such a fucking schicken. But, it's still kinda...fun. It's too bad I'm such a loser that he'll actually have to come pick me up. Suddenly, my loss of car has completely skyrocketed me to SUPER-loser status, with the cape and the hot boots and EVERYTHING.

Well, SHIT.

I forgot what I was saying. So, I'll probably stop now. In fact, I probably should.

I'm going to go crawl down seventy-five flights of stairs to go to the bathroom right now. I hope I get to come back up later on. But I guess that depends solely on which body part will be in control after the urination domination. If not...well. Maybe I should take a pillow.

Oh, I like this song, and I recognized it right away. Haha! There's hope for me, yet!

I lubs you guys. I hope you're all well. I wish more peoples would gimme some comments on my blag, instead of just emailing me. It's funner getting comments that other people are going to read. That way, it looks like I actually HAVE friends.

God, I'm lame. &=P

"Who's going next?
I'm dying to see!
Spin the bottle, baby,
and give it to me!"

Currently listening :
By Twiztid
Release date: 22 June, 1999


&=( no Halloween for Jimmy &=(

Alrighty, then. I'm fully two feet and six beers in, and I am good and ready to admit what's been going on.

It's Nov 6, and since Oct 25, I have been fighting with my car. It's dead now, and I don't know why. I've walked to work for exactly six days, and I'm not happy about it.

This is going to be tough, coming out completely coherent, so excuse the mistakes. I'm pretty fucking pissed off about it, but there's really nothing I can do. I was $300 in the hole this time around, and when I got paid, I still have to pay rent + amenities ($600), other bills ($150), so that leaves me with about $20 this time around, and no, I DON'T want to discuss where it's all going. The fact that I'm able to make it up and down the stairs to peepee is about as good as it's going to get right now.

So, there.

It's actually quite a bit more involved than that, but that's all I really care to say right now. That, and I'm pretty fussed that I polished off a whole six-pack and don't have the totality to make it to the grocery store to get something else.


So, I guess that means I should go to bed. Because I DON'T have to work tomorrow, and I'm very glad.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that everything for Halloween fell apart, much to MY dismay. &=(

Right now, I'm going to lay down and watch Lucy: Daughter of the Devil, and drink the backwash from the bottles that are sitting around my bed - that's how very lame I am right now. &=(

If I smoked, and there were cigarette butts laying around, I'm pretty sure I'd be eating those, as well....


Trial Run #1

I'm sitting here in full Hatter costume garb & half-ass trial makeup, commando, waiting for my rechargeable batteries to do their thing, all while Booboo is sitting here, staring at me like, "Mama. Seriously. WTF?"

Lemme 'splain.

My light is still out downstairs (imagine that), and my bathroom is literally SO TINY, that I can't even see a whole HALF of my body at one time. I could stand on the potty, but then I would only be able to see my torso - no feet or head. I really need to post pix of this place soon. It's kinda strange, what I'm living with.

Ok, so OUTSIDE the bathroom is a full-length mirror...tacked on to the BACK of the bathroom door, meaning I have to CLOSE the door in order to access it. So, when I do that - HEY, the light goes off! I've got about a hundred string and Christmas lights plugged in to wherever I could get them, but I still can't see for shit. In fact, there were two strands that I blew as I was plugging them in. Totally blew. Nothing. They are, like, now TRASH.

So, I CAN'T SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE. And, at this point, I'm not confident enough in my loss of reasoning to blindly wander downstairs and frighten the neighbors - "SO. WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

Then, they move out the next day.

So, Imma set the cam up to take pix (front and back - *shivers*) to see what we're working off of right now. You know, see if I can squeeze myself in for a quickie plastics case before Saturday at 8p. I just realized, a couple of days ago, that this is the MOST these people will have ever seen my ass - the part that isn't metaphorical. I did have surgery there, but no one saw my ass. Just my hip-ass.

Oh, and the reason I'm commando is because I left my matching underpants up here, and now, I can't find them. *brood*

I know you really, REALLY can't tell, but I hate the way I look - in every meaning of the phrase. Yes, I did take a picture of myself in the dressing room, but I was also sucking in almost to the point of fainting.

I don't like the cake, but the cake likes me.

If anyone has any creative ideas on GREEN MAKEUP, let me know. The lining of my eyes didn't go so well tonight. We had several casualties, and I'm expecting more.

I still have to go get a bun, a mouse, and a teapot tomorrow. I really hate that it's raining, because all I want to do is sleep. I'm sure Monday I'll be sleeping off the hangover of the century, though. &=( That's totally ok, as long as there's no vomit involved. Or trick-or-treatery. Or blackmailish anything that makes me have to find another job. Again.

Oh, and I went to the doctor today about my neck, but I'll have to post that separately and later. I've been crabbing about starting back at the gym, and she does want me to do that, but I'm going to have to go at it so slowly, I don't know how I'm going to get anything accomplished. The main thing is, though, that I just have to go.

Alrighty, me tighties. It's after 10p, and I promised myself that I'd go to bed at a reasonable hour. I've piled all my hair onto the top of my head, I'm sleeping in this makeup, because I'm too lazy to take it off right now, and I've got myself some Lipton Mango & Peach White tea, waiting for me to come crawl into bed with. Not as good as a warm body, but it's better than that smelly homeless guy. I don't like when dudes smell like old, rank alkies. Not that I'm always a flower, but meh.


-\/\- I hate shopping -/\/-

So, I went shopping tonight, and I ran across so many interesting things. I wish you guys could have been there. I wish I had one of those Fear Factor face cams. Or a blag-head. That way, I could totally blag as things happened to me. Kinda like this:

{ ignore the volcano on my forehead &=( }
So, I put this little number on - one of those "keeps you all smooshied together, when you're planning on wearing tight-fitting things, that your guts might try to push their way through, and people will mistake it for a stray muffin sitting on your belly." I originally had to turn it backwards, in order to get the back cinched up (it was a bunch of clasps, kinda like on a bra), then I was going to turn it around and pull it up. If you can't already tell, it's on me completely sideways. See the boobs on the right side? So, I'm herking and grunting and cursing and thinking tiny, tiny thoughts, trying to get this bastard turned around, and I look down, and this is what I see:

Well, you're damn right it does. It stayed in place so well, I kept having to stop, and breathe, and turn myself upside down to get air, and tell myself I was ok, just so I could make it out of there alive. I have serious anxiety when I hang out in dressing rooms. And, when I try clothes on? Yeah, that just makes it worse. I prefer to just hang out in them, if I have to choose between the two.

I actually tried these out in the push-ups I was trying on,

but they made me look like, not an intimidating D, but a repellent, sick, objectionable, overfilled D, and I was pretty scared I was going to lose an eye...or someone was. They were just interesting to mess with, for someone who scores right at a 36B. &=( They don't teach you your bra size on the ACT, so I'm assuming that's why I scored so low.

I just think department stores are so ostentatious, with the ridiculous things with which they come up. Like this, for example:

It's two little pearls with an elastic string attached to one and hooking over the other, in order to keep the bra on the silk & foam hanger.

Wow. There are people dying in third world countries, but I'm sure we spend lots of money for people to throw in tons of money to research and analyze, in order to come up with something that like.

"Ted, we need something...SOMETHING that will keep bra straps from sliding off their hangers in the department stores. I mean, this is becoming an epidemic. We cannot let this continue. No more bras. Not anymore."

So, Ted went and invented THIS one. This was my favorite:

If you zoom in on it, it's unreal. I was THERE, and I could hardly figure it out. I think you have to have two keys, a binary password, and either face algorithm or fingerprint recognition to gain access to this mother. Either that, or written permission from your mom, dad or legal guardian... Needless to say, this one was tried on with the hanger still attached. And, it wasn't pleasant. No pictures exist modeling that one, except for the ones the department store took.

Here's the disaster that was left after I was done:

You just can't see the things hanging on the hooks and over the door.

I had started out at Victoria's Secret, but they didn't have what I was looking for. I ended up at JCPenney, and got probably 3x as much there, as I could have gotten for one bra at VS. I got two really nice bras, replacement straps, & two nice pair of underwear for what it cost for the one bra over which I was pondering at VS. I'm so thrifty. (not. ever.) Victoria's Secret is just that she overcharges. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

I got really lost, though, after I checked out, and I always think they rotate and hide the mall entrance from me. It's always on the opposite side of wherever I am or am going. So, I walked around the same department at least 5 times, before I realized what I was doing. I might have been the one who prompted the overhead page for "security check." Oops.

I've been in quite a fog lately.

I was desperately searching for some opaque white thigh highs in one of the other department stores in which I found myself. I'm thinking that must be one of those "no white after Labor Day" retarded rules that exists, because I couldn't find white stockings ANYWHERE. They were all black, brown, ecru, eggshell, full pantyhose, knee highs, and all of what I wasn't looking for. While I was busy dismantling the stores' selection of intimate-wear, this lady walked by, with her two kids in tow, and said, "Let's go. You're going to get me divorced tonight, if you don't hurry up."

Interesting remark to make to your two preschool-age children, who I'm sure didn't drag you there, kicking and screaming in the first place. I know I'm getting old, but I quite vividly remember hating shopping at that age. Ahhhh, I can still smell the glue that attached the rough, grey carpet to the hard floor, as I lay there thinking, "Shit. I wish I would have brought Moondancer (My Little Pony) and her princess robe and hairbrush."

Well, I probably didn't actually SAY Moondancer.......or shit.

I also made it by Spencer's, to purchase a black light, which I've been wanting anyway. Why not now, while I'm broke? But this is actually for decoration at John's party, that's going to be happening on Saturday. I'm still missing a stuffed, white rabbit, a tiny dormouse, and a teapot, but I'll probably drag myself out after work tomorrow, to see if I can locate those.

I hit up a couple of other stores, once I left the Galleria, to see if I could find those white tights to go with my costume. I actually ended up at one of those temporary Halloween stores - you know, the kind of holiday stores that crop up randomly - you never know when they're coming, and they're rarely ever in the same place....well, kinda like syphilis sores. It was the one over close to the Wal-mart in Hoover. I pulled up to park, opened the door to get out, and I manage to slip on a wet, old, mashy banana laying on the pavement - the only one in the parking lot, mind you. While my one leg was still in the car, awaiting further instructions, the active leg slipped on the banana and slid so far out, I almost had a baby.

I need to see if Ted will do some research on potentially violent bananas showing up in parking lots and accosting young women.

(Before you ask, I don't really know a Ted. If you do, let me know, because he's got a LOT of work to do.)

Then, when I was inside, I was making my way down the seriously cramped aisles, and I heard this guy say, "Yeah, but I STILL can't believe Dumbledore is gay!" As we were passing, I looked him right in the face and said, "I KNOW!" He and I stood there and stuttered and stammered over the absurdity of the subject, before I just said, "I'm sorry. I just can't talk about this," and walked away, shaking my head.

Yes, Hewy, she's pulling out this crap that D'dore is gay. A bit late for that, ay?

So, I'm home, now. I found some white tights at the Halloween store, but they have Dorothy's blue-and-white checkered bows on them, so I'll have to pretend I'm resourceful and take them off and replace them with the black ones I already have.

Where's that damn stapler?

I'm going to lay down now. We have cable. And, Aqua Teen is on. Granted, it's one I've already seen, but I kinda miss laying down, curling up in a warm blanket, and falling asleep with the tv on. Or like last night, passing out face-down, shirtless, still in pants and shoes...with the tv on.

One day, I'm going to get my schedule back together. But not this week, that's for damn sure.

I was supposed to be off for Voodoo this weekend, but since that fell through, I decided I'd go ahead and work Friday...but not Monday. I think I can have that day. And, they'll be ok. Derrick will be back anyway. So, Monday is all mine, to sleep in and do a ton of shit around here that really needs to be done.

Like sleep.


Apathy is spreading - but I'll never catch it.

My friend, Mindy, just sent me this picture, that I'm going to resize and put in the margin of my blag.

After I squalled my eyes out and kept sobbing over and over "&=( that little kitty!," this was my response:

In my opinion, apathy is the worst psychological state that exists in human beings. I can't imagine that scenario, where I just walked past anyone, human OR animal, and didn't act on it. If I did, I'd seriously want someone to kill me, because I think there's no purpose in the world for people like that.

This actually segues perfectly into another subject that I've been meaning to touch on, so I guess I can just compound the stories.


Back when it was really, really hot outside, right after I had moved into the attic and was eating giant bags of gas station ice for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and me and the girls were living directly in front of our only half-ass window unit, I had made one of my many trips to the nearby station to pick up my daily diet of bagged ice. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I saw this little lady standing on the side of the road, holding one of those signs, advertising for some furniture store.

Just so you know, that's completely ludicrous to me, to have human beings standing out in the blazing heat, holding freaking signs, just to get publicity/business. Those jokers that dress up in gorilla suits and twirl signs for Little Caesar's Pizza - I hope you have EMT's on standby...for real.


Anyway, back to my story. I didn't even need to see her face to know this wasn't what she needed to be doing. It was 90-something outside. Which, yes, if you live in Bama, you get used to the horrid weather; the changing from heat to AC in the same day. I went ahead and passed by her, and she just looked so defeated. So, I circled the block, pulled back in to the gas station, went in and bought a giant, cold bottle of water.

I pulled up behind her, and said hello as I walked up, so that I wouldn't scare her, although I know I still kind of surprised her. I reached out and handed her the water, without another word. Even now, the shocked look on her face is enough to make me cry. It was like seeing someone's complete astonishment at the fact that consideration and thoughtfulness still exist. I mean, all I did was buy her a water - it really was NOTHING on my part. But on her face, it looked like it meant so much more than that. She just stuttered and stumbled and kept thanking me, over and over. I just waved my hand, as I got back in the car, and said, "It's absolutely nothing. You just don't need to be standing out in this heat with nothing!"

*All I've ever wanted in my life is to be a vegetarian, ecologically-minded humanitarian. And, I completely don't care what anyone else thinks about that aspect of my behavior or principles.

When I was in health class at Jack State one day, we had a visitor. Several chicks started screaming and climbing on the tops of their desks. As I looked several aisles over, I saw the tiniest mouse, trying desperately to make his way through the classroom. I can't imagine what was going through his miniature brain, with all the commotion he caused! I simply stood up, walked over, scooped him up in my hand, took him outside to let him go, washed my hands and went back to class. Needless to say, I endured many odd looks through the rest of the semester. I've become extremely accustomed to those nowadays. *rolls eyes*

I figure, if an animal is going to bite me (which, of course, he didn't), then it bites me. I'll make a trip to the doctor's office - no biggie. If I get rabies, just don't come near me when I'm foaming at the mouth. It's all very simple, really.


When I was in junior college and would drive back and forth to Gadsden, on all those country back roads, I'd often come across a turtle trying to get across the road. I'd always stop my car in the middle of the road, with my hazards on, or pull off the side of the road. The terrapin would usually panic, retreating back into his shell as I approached. So, I'd lay down on the ground (yes, belly-down, on the road), to figure out which side was his head. Because I didn't want to just chuck him to one side or other of the road. I mean, what if I put him back where he started? Well, then he'd accomplished absolutely nothing, thanks to me. I stopped a fair amount of traffic doing this, pissing off many people, and just flipping them off as they drove by, honking and cursing - "GOD-DAMNED HIPPIE!"

Why, thank you very much! I'm glad you noticed. I am indeed a second-generation hippie and fucking proud of it. &=D

(yes, I'd stop traffic to save this lil guy, too.)


My uncle Gordon remembers this, I'm sure. My mom and I went to visit my grandmother one day, and as we got out of the car and were walking towards the house, we heard this crazy scratching from the back of one of my uncle's friend's truck bed. So, I peeped over the side and saw this GIANT lake turtle, scrambling to get out.

I KNOW that joker didn't crawl in there on his own, unless evolution was making a major leap, and that guy grew wings. I'm also not an idiot, and I knew what they were planning on doing with that turtle. I grew up in the freaking redneck capital of the world (to me, it was enough), and I know these weirdo southerners will deep-fry and eat just about anything that has a pulse, which, personally, disgusts me. &=P

Anyway, I grabbed that sucker out of the back, against his protesting hisses, stuck him in the backseat, and told my mom to drive like hell to the closest body of water. We drove right down the road, to the local civic center, and I put him in the lake there. My heart swelled with pride, as I watched him enter the water and frantically swim away. I remember thinking how glad I was that he was afraid of humankind. He should be. Look at what would have become of him.

It's ok, pal - you'd probably do better just putting the damage on dem Cheetos and beer. &=)

We went back to the house to visit and never said a word to anyone. When we got home, though, my uncle called, and he was PISSED. &=) Hey, you know, that's what you get when you have a budding psychotic environmentalist in your circle.


You know, my mother NEVER discouraged me from doing the crazy things I did. She was a little apprehensive that my life's goal was to end up in a tiny rubber raft, in the middle of the ocean, holding a sign that said "STOP THE DRILLING!" But she always pushed me to believe in what I believed and to never let anyone sway me. I'm incredibly open-minded, and I'll always listen to what people have to say (within reason), but you'll never change my mind. I'll always covet life, in any form.

The main point I'm trying to get across is that compassion and altruistic behavior should be more apparent in this world and should span across the spectrum of human and animal-kind****

Being patient and kind isn't difficult. People should try it more often...

It was all HIS fault

So, the birthday party night kinda ended with the birthday party girls looking like this...at almost 3 in the morning.

And, it's all the fault of this little guy:

This is (help me out, Shelb) "magic balloon boxcar."

Cute, right?

Ohhhhh, not so, my friends. Not so.

I'm just now getting home and getting settled, and it's exactly 4:36a - yes, in the morning. I have to be at work in, ohhhh, 2.5 hours. So, Imma go lay down for a couple, get up, go through the daily grind (with a little help from some caffeine buddies), come home, and explain to you why that tiny car will live in infamy.

I'm so delirious, I'm using commas for the letter "I" - this is SOOOO not going to be my day.

,'m gonna lay down now. ,'m exhausted, and ,'m having major problems fosucing......

Part Deux later....


...Completely mad...

Ok, I need a favor from someone. I went out to get my costume yesterday, and HOLY CRAP. I totally should have done it last week, like I said I was going to. Actually, I probably should have ordered it. But I'm the kind of shape that forces me to try things on before buying. So, the Alice costumes were all out, and I ended up with Mad Hatter. Which is fine, but I had a friend say that no one would know who that was. And, if you don't, you really should get out more.


Ah, to the favor. If ANYONE has a colorful teapot and teacup that I can borrow for my Halloweener party, I'd REALLY appreciate it. I just want something to go with my costume, and I'm going to run by Wal-mart (BLAH) to see if I can find a tiny white bunny or mouse or something to add to the effect...of being mad.

I'm headed out to the Pell right now, for mine and Shelb's (and everyone else's) missed birthday parties. We've just been so crazy, what with Amy in school and me working 6 days a week, that we haven't had a chance to hang out and do birthdays and stuff like we used to. It's really been a crazy year.

Blah. I have to go. I'll probably post again when I get home, because I've got a total lot on my mind. Like a serious acre of stuff.

Anyway, we gotta talk.

Me and the computer.

Or me and oblivion.

You know, whatever works.

God, now it makes sense that the Mad Hatter costume was the only thing left.


Mad as a hatter:
Completely mad. This is now commonly understood to mean crazy, although the original meaning is unclear and may have meant annoyed.


That's DEFINATELY wrong

Oh my flippity-crap. This WHOLE TIME OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENTIALLY EXISTENT LIFE, I've been spelling "definitely" wrong!


I couldn't possibly make that frowny face any bigger. But that's just because Blogger won't let me MAKE A WHOLE BLOG OF FROWN!


I feel so...........DEFEATED!!!!!!!!!!!

This is EXACTLY like that time I had to take the blackboard in Mrs. Thomas' second grade class and write out "because," and TO THIS DAY, that public trauma has caused me to misspell it "beacause" EVERY DING-DANGITY FLIPPITY-FUCKING TIME!!!!!

Just so you people know, I make up my OWN LANGUAGE, and I don't really care who understands it. "Beacause" if you don't understand me, you won't EVER understand it. You fuckers know how I am about my grammar. Or grammer. Who the fuck knows anymore????? Up is white, down is cheese sammich.


Anyway, I've gone through my entire blog and corrected all those DEFINITE mistakes.

I'm gonna go throw up now. Forever.


Pains & Planes


I shit you not - I CAN'T BREATHE. My back is all knotted up, and I made Dave poke around on it, and he said, "You know those are your trigger points for fibro."

Well, effing great.
*kicks something*

So, now I have to cancel my appt with the spine doctor and see if I can get in, with the quickness, to see the rheumatologist. Dave said that, more than likely, if I can just get them to up my meds from 75mg bid to 150mg tid, I should start feeling markedly better.

My left arm and shoulder are killing me. If I was any more an idiot, I'd actually think I was having a heart attack. But, it can't be, because:
A. my chest isn't hurting
#5. the pain is going down the back of my left arm, and
$. the pain in my scapula is a dead giveaway.
Actually, I think it's more rhomboid and levator scapular pain, as opposed to just straight-up scapula.

And, you thought rhomboid was just an annoying term your geometry used to confuse you.

Also, I'm going to have to sleep on the heating pad tonight which is a TEE-total no-no. But, for God's sake, I've got to get some relief. Dave pulled on my head, and traction does always help, but unless I can wheel myself around in some portable traction unit, it ain't gonna make a whole lot of difference. The kind of traction I need is like hanging from the doorframe. I really think that if someone just hung me by my head (no, NOT my neck, jackass) and kicked me out the window, that would solve SO many of my problems...probably even financially! You know how chiros are always trying to fix broken toes by realigning T4-7? Well, maybe my bad juju just comes from a jacked-up occiput! &=D HARHARHAR!!!! Omg! I crack myself up with random technical medical jargon!

It's the only thing I know, so go with me on this.

Ahhhhhh, anyway. Oh, shit. I meant to get some towels from the hospital, so that I could make a bump for my neck. Like it's going to DO any good, but my neck has been liking when I ball my pillow up and lay on my back. My psyche, though, does not. I have that "spiders crawling in mouth" fear.

Speaking of fears, I also have an irrational fear that a plane will land on the interstate.

But I mean the BIG kind...like one of those new A380 Airbus's that seats 550 people.

Yes, I'm ascared of planes. And spiders.



Ok, ok, NO, I didn't post like I said I would, but I'm pretty sure most of you are used to that by now, the fact that things with me don't ALWAYS PAN OUT. If not, you really...shouldn't be here, and that's the God's honest truth.

Ohhhhh, anyway, it's like midnight:30, and I should be in bed, and I'm 'bout to be. I just wanted you guys to know that I cleaned house ALL DAY, and my entire spine (and knee, yes) is killing me. For once, though, the weather was nice, and I was able to be a little more mobile than I've been feeling these past few chilly days.

My spine is getting pretty bad, though. I actually think I'm going to start back to the gym, even though doc's saying no. I just won't do leg work. But I've got to stay mobile. This winter is going to be baaaaaaaad, and I say that without the inflection of a sheep.

Once again, I'm in the pooper with finances - I just can't figure out who I owe, how much, when, etc, etc, so I'm liable to have things cut off. As you all know by now, my phone DOESN'T WORK. I don't get messages, even when people leave them. It turns itself off and is just a general pain in my butt. But, I still have to get out of the financial straits with them before I can be asking for a new phone, phone number, etc.

Oh, and here's a good one: I slipped and fell off the porch yesterday and sliced my finger wide open. THIS TIME, though, I wasn't drinking. And I was by myself, thank God. But it's my left bird finger, which means nothing. My whole left hand is a joke anyway. It's just there to even everything out, you know - make me symmetrical. It really has no function. Anyway, the cut was so deep, that I thought I was going to have to go get a couple of stitches, but I managed to steep the bleeding on my own, and nearly amputate my own finger in the process. Good for me.

Um, what else? Yeah, I'll have to blag on the concert tomorrow. Ummm....crap. Every time I walk away from the 'puter, I think of all this other stuff I need to mention. Oh, I've been so fucking stressed out about everything, I managed to make myself start my period a week early. And, I'm ON birth control (for no reason), so there's no way I should be just randomly starting. But that's just my thing.
When I get nervous, I get diarrhea.
When I get super-stressed, I start my period.
Some of the primary reasons I CHOOSE not to be around people when I'm like this. Plus, the pain I'm enduring right now is pretty fucking ridiculous. But, I've decided that if I start back to the gym, that will help my endorphins kick in and kind of mute the pain. Because I'm not exaggerating a bit when I say I'm hurting.

And, pain, my friends, is my enemy. It makes my brain go nuts. I can't focus well, and I become a raging bitch. I'm assuming I'm going to be PMS'ing until January, when I have my surgery. Pardon me, if I become extremely reclusive. It's never personal, except for me. I don't like to be around people, when I feel this shitty. And, MAKING myself do things that I don't want to do doesn't help. Trust me - I'm pretty keen on the subject of "me." That's what I did my graduate thesis on.

Oh yeah, and the other thing is, I'm out of my meds (and out of money), so I haven't been taking them, and I constantly feel like there's a car wreck <carwreckcarwreckcarwreckcarwreck> happening in my brain. My whole face is numb, and I stay really confused.

I'm not asking for handouts or anything. I'm just explaining to youse guys why I'm going to be weird and extremely inexplicable (and raging) for a while. If you can't handle it, there's a door around here somewhere.

Please don't take this personally, but if you can't handle me for who I am, then take a fucking hike. And, I can completely do without the "personal help" tips. As I like to say, I'VE GOT THIS. It's all about time for me right now, and things just aren't happening fast enough. I don't NEED anyone's help - just your fucking understanding and patience.

Oh yeah, the house (my house) is thinking of having a post-Halloween costume party either 11.2 or 11.3, so I'm inviting you all. I'll do it again closer to time, but this is all in the works right now. We were just talking about having a huge Halloween party, and inviting everyone we knew, but everyone is either having or attending parties the weeks before and of Halloween. So, we've preemptively decided to do it this way. Like I said, we're still deciding, so I'll let you know the details as it evolves.

One more thing, I've been mentioning very little in the ways of my "love interests," and it's kinda gonna stay this way. I know the dude that I like knows it, but I don't know that he KNOWS it. Plus, he's one of those ones that I'm pretty sure is out for looks alone - he has a certain facade to maintain, unfortunately - but I'm working off of my "nerd cred" - that's when you're around so much, that when things fall apart for that person, they automatically zone in on you - kinda like rebound. But, I adore him and I love spending time with him (when I get to), and that's all I'm going to say on that subject. The end. &=D

Um, what else? God, so much. But I really need to lay down. I'm already not needing to go into work on this little sleep. There's also no way I can call in, either. Derrick, my partner-in-crime-in-surgery, his wife had her baby on Friday, so he won't be in for at least 2 weeks. Congrats, but buddy, I'm gonna miss you during those fucking Siegel frat parties. &=( I get nervous when there are more than 50 PEOPLE IN THE ROOM, HELLO PEEPULLSSS??!11!??! WE'RE DOING SURGERY IN HERE!!! I'M SO SORRY TO SPOIL YOUR TESTOSTERONE PARTY!!!

Nah, it's really not that incredibly bad. Derrick and I just have our cases worked out, to where we split between the things each of us can stand. For the fact that he does the Siegel cases, I usually do the Gould and Kirchner cases - it works out really well, because he hates doing those, and I love them. Both of us can do everything down there, and we get really pissed when someone throws a wrench into our system we have worked out, but we've just got it set where we're able to each do the things we can tolerate! Lmao! &=D It's killer, though - I love doing surgery. Hell, I love my job. And, I'm SOOOOO much more productive when I don't feel like shit. &=(

Oh, new development! I've just come to the realization that I am NOW a closet ICP fan. Well, I guess me blagging about it on the interblag doesn't make me very closety, huh? Oh well. I was Wiki'ing (hey, I verbed!) "Juggalo" the other day, and I ended up d'loading one of their songs to listen, JUST TO SEE what the big, hairy deal was.

I loved it. &=(

So, apparently, I am now a "Juggalo, -ette." And, I'm very sad about it. I've ended up d'loading a ton of ICP, Twizted, Kottonmouth Kings & Psychopathic Rydas. I mean, I'll admit that I grew up listening to Neil Diamond, the first cd we ever owned was Flimm & the BB's "Tunnel," and the first concert I ever attended was Anita Baker "Rapture" in 1986. But for some reason, admitting that I've fallen prey to the Psychopathic Record group...I mean, I even stumble over the phrase. &=( I mean, for God's sake, I remember when they were voted as worst band ever by Blender! And, NO, I don't get into the whole wrestling thing. That's just crap to me. I'm no UFC girl. I do my own UFC just making it through the day.


**** New challenge - tell me something embarrassing about you, something you LOATHE admitting to others. ****

Just do it. It will amuse me. It will make me feel better.


are you READYYYYY??????

Okey doke - big blogging needing to happen. But right now, I AM EXHAUSTED. Even though I wasn't impressed with the overall show, my beloved >orn can still kick it with the old school stuff.

For now, I'll leave you with these:

Me & my buddy, Dwane ^ - by the way, thanks for picking up the tab at Iguana, there buddy! Like I said - NO SHAME! &=D

Woah, who took that kick-ass photo of JD? Oh, just I TOTALLY DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KK, gotta go get my laundry out of the dryer, say 'night to the housemates and lay like death. I'm so friggin' tired from rocking out and hiking around in stack boots.

We'll talk more tomorrow. Promise.


hurting, bitching & posting don't mix (Jezzy pix!)

My neighbor's dog, Emma, pooped out a fully-intact condom the other day.

Ok, actually, she half-pooped it, and Justin half-pulled it. So, it's 100% out. It's also 100% gross. Unfortunately, if it was a Trojan, she was so protected from her meal, she probably got no nutrients...at least that's what the back of the box claims. Plus, there was no crack in it, so I'm assuming she smoked it before she ate the condom. &=)

Also, when I took a dump the other day, it smelled like canned dog food. You know, I haven't had dog food since my grade school hazing.

What's the dealio with dog food? Is someone trying to tell me something? That nutritionist can kiss my veg-o-matic ass.

On the subject of dogs, here are some recent pics of my sweet Jezzabelle, from her papa:
God, I miss that girl. My whole life, I've always been a cat person. But, when we got Jezzy as a baby (we drove almost to freaking North Carolina to pick her up, for God's sake), I immediately fell in love with her, no matter what she did. Believe it or not, I'm not one for corporal punishment for animals, but I'd beat a child within an inch of it's life. But, that's just because humans have the ability to reason. Plus, you have to keep their will broken, so that they'll remember who's boss.

Anyone curious as to why I don't have kids, yet? Yeah. Me neither.

Well, that, and I'm pretty sure there are certain other parts that are missing, in order to achieve the so-called "baby." Anyone with an IQ under AT FUCKING LEAST 100 need not apply. Yes, I've set high standards for myself. I'm sick of dealing with these idioms who couldn't even tell you what an idiom really was:

*Idiom: [id-ee-uhm] an expression whose meaning is not predictable from the usual meanings of its constituent elements, as kick the bucket or hang one's head, or from the general grammatical rules of a language, as the table round for the round table, and that is not a constituent of a larger expression of like characteristics.

And if you can't understand that I make up my own language, you might need to just not. Yes, that's what I said - just NOT. For example, I can call someone an idiom, but I really know what it means, everyone ELSE knows what it really means, but you've just been left behind in the grammatical dust. In fact, there came a point in my life when I realized that I can do and say whatever I damn well please. Now, when was that? Oh, yes - it was when I turned 30.

So, bite me. &=)

Ok, my shoulda hurts, my back doth protest, and my knee has been completely numb for the past hour that I've been sitting here. I've got much more on which to update, but I'm working off of Windows ABC right now, because my buddy Dave is supposed to be bringing me the updated, non-crashie service pack tomorrow. This thing has been a real bi-otch to soup up. I'm just about ready to pour actual soup in it and call it a day, stupid friggity. (That was a joke, for those of you with IQ's under 15.)

Ahhhh, my posts are SOOOO bitchy, when I'm in pain.

Get REAL used to it.

Love you, peeps! &=******

Ah, crap. I just looked over, and Jammy Pie had her WHOLE FACE in my Spongebob cup of water. Dammit. Now, I have mustache-water. Gross. They're totally the reason I cover my toothbrush up when I leave in the mornings.


Que Sera, Sera - What will I be?

I'm WAAAY too lazy (and trashed - long story) to use the energy to put up a poll, but here's the deal.

I need your help in picking a costume - this year, I'm either going as Alice in Wonderland (front and back of same costume):
or the Mad Hatter (2 dif costumes from which to choose):

Please email me or post a comment including your vote for which costume. There's always a possibility that you may run across me in the grocery store, dressed in the very costume you chose! I'm just a complete and total sicko like that!

I'll have to get a blonde wig, obviously, to go as Alice, but the Mad Hatter keeps my own crazy curls (because the Mad Hatter had dark hair). And, as I say EVERY YEAR, yes, I have to lose a metric ton of weight, but I'm going as is this year - broke knee and all - since my surgery was unsuccessful in getting me back to the gym, like I had originally anticipated. Grrrrrrrrr........

I'll be out of town from Oct 26-28, in order to attend (what I'm hoping will become a long-standing tradition for me) Voodoo Fest in N'awlins.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I'm going with a couple of friends, and I'm incredibly excited!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket *The ever-popular Corna for your viewing pleasure*

But, I'll be back in time to enjoy some Halloween fun, which, according to this calendar, occurs on a Wednesday.

Um, blah? And, a happy birthday to my ex-love? Yes, I say that.

I haven't picked up a paper to see what's happening in town for Halloween, so I guess I should do that, to see what plans I'll be making for myself!

Sean, no "this IS my costume" t-shirts.

And Anna, I'm going to come find you and force you to dress up and go out and have fun with me!!!! &=P DO IT!!! You know you want to!

Dwane, you're just a butt for being out of town and doing what your job "tells you to do." But at least we're going to see >orn this weekend, right????? WOOOOO!!!! Aw, and me without a clean bustier - oh well, people will deal.

Heather, I'm still holding you to the Dumb and Dumber costumes for next year, ok? Don't EVEN pretend you're growing out of being a retard, just because you're some freaky school marm. You can hang that vision up. Soccer mom, my ass.

Alrighty, then. I'm on my 3rd beer and second klonopin, so I'm gonna be working my way towards the bed at this current moment. I had a complete and total meltdown today, which started with the pains in my knee and neck, continued on with my inability to find my TROM brace (to maintain the little stability I have), a new revelation that my old apartment complex is sending me to collections with a bill of over $1200 FOR NOTHING, for when I moved out, and finally culminated in the fact that I screwed myself over when signing up for benefits for the following year, so it turns out that I'll be able to contribute NOTHING to my 401K, B, 457GXQ, WTFEVER IT IS NOW.

So, my friend Dave came over to drop some stuff off for my computer, and God bless him, ended up putting the thing together, while I lay in the floor and sobbed and snotted and cried and bawled and cursed and kicked and screamed. But he was just like, "We'll fix it. Whatever it is, we'll fix it." I absolutely adore him. He's awesome. He just hugged me and hugged me while I squalled my eyes out. And, you people know how I am - succumbing to ANY weakness (like crying), especially in front of people you don't really KNOW-know, makes you a total pussy, and you should be drug out in the street and shot a hundred times, then have a motorcycle peel off on your face. But, you know, that's just my personal opinion...and only about myself. Anyone else, I could care less how they handle their business.

Well, and then he took me to get food, because I'm all out of money. He tried to give me a $20 later, but I wouldn't take it. I've fucking gotten myself INTO this shit somehow, and I'll be mother-fucking damned if I'm gonna get my own damn self out.

As they make fun of me saying now...."I GOT this."

Well, now, I gotta pee. So, vote. Tell me which one is the bestest of the 3. Gimme inputs.

WOAH, I just burped big. That was a lot of beer for me, in 20 minutes.

'Scuse me. Je ne sais quoi! (I know not anything!)