Oh, for the love of post

I know. I have a lot of explaining to do.

Right now, I'm considering quitting Highlands and moving up to Huntsville with Chris. Also, I'm going to start taking short "mission trips" with a buddy of mine, to third world countries. I'm not sure where we'll start, but I know we're going to El Salvador next year.

Like I said...there's a lot going on that I have to explain.

Just not right now.

I'M still having a hard time letting it sink in.

But, what of my beloved family?

They're still the people I love more than anything in the universe.

And, my Mig?

She's still the most wonderful person I've ever met, and will ever meet, in the whole of my existence.

I just can't keep putting everything on hold. I'm so tired of the same thing. You know how I am. The fact that I'll be turning four at Highlands in March is HUGE for me. I love working in medicine, but it's stunting my drive for everything. My desire for things are so desperately waning, I feel as though, at times, I'm hardly alive. It's really beginning to scare me.

My life wasn't meant to revolve around money. I was built for love and caring - not bills and deadlines. I'm not saying that I deserve any different than anyone else. I only know what feels right to me. And, grinding myself to the bone, day after day, for not even so much as a pat on the back - I may as well be working for nothing.

I'd rather work for a true nothing and know that at the end of the day, I've made a difference in at least one person's life...and I don't mean by poisoning them with radiation.

God, if You'll just point me in the right direction, I'll walk with eyes closed.

I cannot believe that the purpose of life is (merely) to be "happy." I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter: to have it make some difference that you have lived at all.
-- Leo Rosten



Happy inaguration day, President O.

May God bless this to be better than the last eight years.

There are at least a few of us who'd like to see things change.

Michael Jackson, HIStory? Psh.

THIS is history.


Oh, holy kitties

The ONE gift I wrapped this Christmas (not counting all the wrapping I did for Amy), this is exactly how it went:

Both Jammy & Booboo wouldn't stay off the paper...or wouldn't stop playing with it, or eating it, or pulling the tape dispenser away.

Maybe this is actually why I don't give presents. Hmm....

This one is also fairly accurate:


*Incompleted* thoughts

Um, I think I forgot to mention this. If I did already, then whoops.

If you're one of the ones who follows my blog closely, you'll notice some older posts popping up, with the word "
Incompleted" in red at the bottom. I've been going through my archive and trying to post the ones where I had brief thoughts and was just never able to finish it. I'm TRYING to kind of edit them, so they look neat and have the correct words in the right places, but you know my stance on reading my own stuff. I just don't do it. I don't like to. And, I've never been able to figure that out.


Anyway, the posts have been posted for their original dates, so there will be a bunch of 08's, 07's popping up here and there.

Again, these are not always fully formatted to my standard, but I still feel the need to publish the ideas.

And, if you have no desire to read my life in reverse, then why are you still reading this?

Geez, see, like I wrote a LOT of stuff the other day, but it's all disjointed and crazy. So, I'll have to get in and dig all through that KRAP, to make it even the least bit readable.

I'm really tired today. My brain and my being feel like they've just been wrestling all night long. Ugh. Stop touching each other. I'm going to have to separate you two, if you don't behave.

Oh, yeah! I'm going to a Veggie Meet (yeah, meat, haha, I got it.) tomorrow at Bottletree, and I'm REALLY excited! I'm just hoping they're not all FREAKS.

Somehow - and I don't mean to sound presumptuous - I've managed to remain fairly normal, taking on my new Bohemian attitude. You'll still find me digging through trash cans on the side of the road, to find things to throw in my car to recycle. I have a serious problem with that.

But, I really still have a normal outlook on life. I don't cry when people eat burgers (it's your colon, not mine), I don't NOT wear shoes, I don't eat only organic celery and bathe in pure jasmine oils.

I just like being me. So what if I'm Bohemian? You have a problem with that? Bring it.

No, seriously, though - I just love the things that are vulnerable. I have to. I think everyone should have to. I need to speak out for the ones who can't. I long to educate people. I love when people ask me questions about the things I do. I love when they show interest.

GAH! Have you realized that I just talk about the same things over and over and over?????????? I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!


You want to know what's happening right now?
I've reconciled with my friend Chris, but we're not planning on dating or whatever. I just can't handle that right this second. He's helping me get my apartment together this weekend, because I just can't seem to get motivated when I'm alone. And, if you've ever been to my place, you'll know - that's all the motivation I need. I just need someone to talk to while I clean.

I don't WANT a boyfriend. Hmmm........I want a MANFRIEND. And, I'm just not in a hurry. I'm just not! I don't want to talk about sex. I don't want to rely on that. I enjoy having FRIENDS of the opposite sex. These are not FWB. At all. I'd just like to clear that up. And, no, thank you. It doesn't have anything to do with my butt - it's just my feelings. My feelings don't want to have sex right now. So, good.

But, my Mig is always so busy with her family, and although, we're both trying really hard to do better at that, they've just always got a lot going on. I don't fault her for that. I do envy her, though....like mad.

I just like having someone there. Not a roommate. You KNOW I don't play that. But, I just like having someone there, someone to hang out with, someone to watch movies with, someone to drag to the grocery store, and it backfires, because you both have agoraphobia and anthrophobia, and later, the stocking crew finds you in the fetal position in the crafts section, because no one ever goes back there, and your friend? Oh, he made it back to the car, but they're having a real problem trying to coax him out from under it.

See, those are the stories that make stuff fun. And, every time Mig and I get together, we have those. We have the whole "weird stuff happens when we're together" disease. Apparently, it's rampant. The time we almost took out a doctor in the crosswalk? Awesome.

Can you tell my mind is wandering? I can. It's gone for a walk and left me stranded, typing random words, trying to make sentences. Cheese for time on a group of the oyster tiny poop-monster, for jumping that squirrel on a raisin for boys, how to go zippering for a restaurant in the butt cleavage.



I'm still in love with someone - that someone I shouldn't be. I adore him.


That's not really his name...........but almost.

Let's see. What else is going on? Butt thing is still going, and it's not AS painful as before, but OMFC, IT'S ANNOYING. It's more annoying and inconvenient at this point. We're still packing (working on the 28th day now), and it's actually closing up. For the love of all that is holy, I'm so thankful.

AHA! I just thought of the other thing.

I haven't really told anyone, because I've been so embarrassed, but I started losing my hair several months ago. And, it was A LOT of hair. I kept passing it off, and people kept telling me, "omg, you have too much hair anyway, I can't even tell, it looks great, I lose that much hair all the time, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, I don't care, I'm just trying to say things to make you feel better...."

Well, GUESS WHAT? I went to the doctor (and, thank you, Dr Hartman!), and I have telogen effluvium:

"Telogen effluvium is a form of nonscarring alopecia characterized by diffuse hair shedding, often with an acute onset.

Hairs will grow for a few years, then rest for a few months, shed, and regrow. Telogen is the name for the resting stage of the hair growth cycle. A telogen effluvium is when some stress causes hair roots to be pushed prematurely into the resting state.
Telogen effluvium can be acute or chronic.

If there is some "shock to the system," as many as 70% of the scalp hairs are then shed in large numbers about 2 months after the "shock." This sudden increase in hair loss, usually described as the hair coming out in handfuls, is acute telogen effluvium."

You now know as much as I do.

He walked into the room, and I burst into tears. There's been no extra stress (except for my hair falling out), I've not changed meds, I'm not on a diet, except being vegetarian, no, it doesn't run in my family...nothing.

He says, "Telogen Effluvium. I see it all the time. Women coming in here, losing their hair for no apparent reason. But, it's okay. We can fix this. It IS treatable, and no, you're NOT going to have to shave your head. But you ARE going to have to stop worrying about this, because you're just making it worse. WE WILL FIX THIS."

So, I get a script for some antifungal shampoo (I'm growing mushrooms in my hair), Ketoconazole:

"Ketoconazole is a synthetic antifungal drug used to prevent and treat fungal infections, especially in immunocompromised patients such as those with AIDS. Ketoconazole is sold commercially as an anti-dandruff shampoo, branded Nizoral, by Janssen Pharmaceutica."

AND I have to start using Minoxidil 5% - also known as ROGAINE FOR MEN.

Yes, dear friends. I am now using Rogaine for men. If you look at the directions, it says specifically, DO NOT USE ON WOMEN. Oh, well. Or, as Judas Priest says, I'm "breakin' the law, breakin' the law!!!!"

Also, protein. I hate nuts. Did you know gummi bears don't have protein? WTC? If I have to put a nut in my mouth, I'm going to gag. Peanut butter is okay, as long as I have cold milk to chase it with.


Protein, why you do this to me? &=(

Pilonidal abscesses.

Telogen Effluvium.

Congenital Bipartite Patella.

This is next:
Fish Odour Syndrome

A rare disorder where the body cannot produce a substance known as FM03 or monooxygenase 3 and as a result, its ability to break down Trimethylamine is impaired. The result of this is most unpleasant as it causes the person’s sweat, urine and breath to give off a very strong and fishy odour or a smell like that of rotten eggs.

or maybe some Capgras Syndrome?

People suffering from the extremely rare Capgras Syndrome believe that a loved one or a significant other person in their life is being impersonated by an impostor. This can even lead to the sufferer attacking the perceived impostor. Sometimes it extends itself to the sufferer themselves who believe that when they look in the mirror it is not their own reflection staring back at them but the image of an impersonator.

I mean, why not?

Actually, this one is my personal favorite:

Alice in Wonderland syndrome
Time, space and body image are distorted

Alice in Wonderland syndrome (AIWS), or micropsia, is a disorienting neurological condition which affects human visual perception. Subjects perceive humans, parts of humans, animals, and inanimate objects as substantially smaller than in reality. Generally, the object perceived appears far away or extremely close at the same time. For example, a family pet, such as a dog, may appear the size of a mouse, or a normal car may look shrunk to scale. This leads to another name for the condition, Lilliput sight or Lilliputian hallucinations, named after the small people in Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels. The condition is in terms of perception only; the mechanics of the eye are not affected, only the brain's interpretation of information passed from the eyes.

I'm out. Peace, yo.


First post of '09

Hey, s'up? Happy 2009 to everyone.

My ass is bugging me, and I just got to work, so let's get down to business.

My New Year's Eve celebration consisted of going by myself to see Twilight last night at the 9:40p showing, and you know, that was a good enough celebration for me. How many other people can say they rang in the new year with Robert Pattinson? (Don't answer that. Let me live the dream.)

It was the new year, but I had no great plans. The farthest thing from my mind was drinking. But, I did go home and have a celebratory drink with my housemate, Tanner, and his friend, Ava. Of course, I had less than half a drink, and I woke up with a mad tummy. Great.

My only resolution is to make this a better year. Obviously, only I know what things need to be done within my life to make improvements.

I just wanted to wish the best to everyone, and although I'm no clairvoyant, I have a good feeling about this year...for everybody.

Just remind me to come back and delete this post, when I've got a noose around my neck halfway through February.

Happy 2009. &=)