Burrr...your posts are too long and leave me cold and feelingless.

I'm a HORRIBLE liar.

More to follow this.

Well, eventually...

I gotta start hanging out more here...

...and less on Facebook.

I always have all this stuff that I want to write, but I end up forgetting it, when I get here.

And, I really wish I've been documenting everything we've been going through at the warehouse. It's pretty ridiculous. The last two days haven't been so bad, since he hasn't been hanging around. But, every time he COMES around, it just gets out of hand. He treats us like complete and total retards. You can be ON THE PHONE with a customer, answering a question, and he comes in and starts talking over you, telling you how what you're saying is wrong and how to answer the question (even though he doesn't even know what the question is), and it's totally maddening. And, you can't even EXPLAIN it to someone, unless they freaking work there. When people ask me about work, and I just get this horrified look on my face, and they want to know why, I just can't tell them.

Ugh, enough about work. I'm just stopping by, to make myself uphold my promise to write more. Um, I'm just not gonna do it now. I got cookies in the fridge that are calling to be baked. I bathed Jack earlier, cleaned out his crate and managed to get my Dyson taken apart and cleaned. I swear, there's something so fun to me about vacuum cleaners. I think I need to get my head checked. I don't actually like to USE it, but I do enjoy disassembling and reassembling it. Oh well. At least it's something at which I can be proficient when they put me away..."all she does is take the vacuum cleaner apart and put it back together. She's REALLY certifiable."

No more going on with TCR. Right now, I'm just doing Monday practices, which is fine. I want to bump it up, but as long as I'm still feeling rotten, I'm not going to overly FORCE myself to do anything. I don't know why I'm taking in all caps. I do that a lot. Well, I type exactly how I speak, so those are my points of emphasis. Way to point that out, Einstein. *rolls eyes* But, my neck and left shoulder are so screwed up, it's all I can do to make it through a day. It's really becoming a terrible, almost unbearable problem. The spasms don't stop anymore, and laying down doesn't help. God, I wish I had some freaking money or insurance or both.

Hey, if you win the lotto, you wanna throw a girl a bone and help me out? That would be awesome. I need about $3k to get completely out of debt. And, I don't mind doing things for myself - never have. It's just that I feel like I'm digging in a hole that someone is standing over, throwing the dirt back in. I don't know that I'm ever going to get anywhere. It's horrible when you go to Best Buy and make a DVD purchase, then spend weeks with buyers' remorse. It really sucks. I've turned into a mega-Scrooge. And, what do I have to show for my no money? Well, a boss that I hate, for one, and nothing else, for two.

Yay. This life is AWESOME. &=\

Blah, blah, blah - you know I can go on...AND I DO. (There - more emphasis.) But, me and Jack have Do Dah Day tomorrow, and I've been looking forward to this, since I adopted him last year. We couldn't go last year, because he was in training. This year, he's not in training (since I'm broke), and he's still going to be a complete psycho. Oh well. I know he's going to have a really good time, and that's important to me. Plus, I think Amy and the kids are going to bring Ray, so that will be fun. I promised Joseph I'd help him a little with the GA table, but I'm not going to kill myself. When we turn this into OUR company, I'll be a lot more willing to help out. Until then, I'm not turning myself inside out to do ANYTHING for that asshole (the boss, not Joseph).

Sleep well, my dearest friends. Hope to be with you again, soon.

Unsuccessful?

It's been absolute madness around the office as of late. Ever since we turned in our "shit list," he's taken everything that we've complained about and made it at least 10 times worse. Vickie walked out today and quit, but not before calling him "a psycho and a sexual harasser," but I can assure you, he deserved it. She's pretty uptight, herself, but we all know he's crazy. In fact, I wouldn't even wager a guess on the number of people who know he's crazy, because I'm sure I would guess WAY under.

Just burning bridges all along the way.

We've dubbed Joseph as Mr. Christian, from Mutiny on the Bounty. And, am I ever ready. I've never wanted to see someone suffer so badly...well, not at least since I worked at Children's. It frustrates the hell out of me that he can take something so fucking great and turn it into something so tremendously awful. If Joseph can just find us the funding, we have all the people we have to run a stable and completely morally upstanding company. I'm really excited, if we can make it work. If not, I have other options. I'm going to try to hang around as long as I possibly can, but for me to only have been there for a month or so, and I've already acquired a bleeding ulcer, it ain't lookin' so hot.

&=\

He doesn't deserve to win, though. He deserves NOTHING, except the same horrific suffering he's put us all through. He's a fucking ridiculous human being. I've definitely never met anyone like him and never hope to again. He begs us to tell us what things are wrong within the company, but when we do, it's always either the backlash or his sudden psychotic mood change that's nearly unbearable.

I could go on and on and on about this asshole. There's NOTHING good about him, except that he's old enough to almost be dead. Jesus Christ, I hate saying that about someone, but he's a terrible person.

As for socially, I've had to tone it down some. Not partying as much, mainly because I can't afford it, but also because I can't handle it mentally. I'm a homebody. I love partying with my ZKC, but work's really stressed me out to the point that I can't enjoy anything else. And, money has me stressed beyond belief. It gets really fucking old. I wish someone would pay my bills up to this minute and just let me start the fuck over. OF COURSE, I leave tonight, to run to the gas station, to get a cup of gas station ice (I was craving it), and I get pulled over for rolling through a stop sign - most expensive ice I've ever bought. &=\ I really hate cops.

So, yes. Smoking and drinking was my life for the last couple of months. I've toned it down, and since I got tapped for roller derby, I've been trying to eat better and do better. It's hard, though. I miss my sugar, that's for sure.

And, love-wise...well, that's another post. &=P

Anyway, I'm wide-fucking-awake and watching Futurama with Mark. I just want to SLEEEEEEP...and I want my shoulder and neck to stop hurting. Other than that, I'm stressed at hell, but still loving my job and the people I work with. I just hate my boss.

*groan*

At this point, I can only keep pushing. I keep having that thing where I'm not sure I'm making the right decisions for my life. Yes, I went for love over money, but it's not working out, AND I'm barely making ends meet.

I also can't find anyone with whom I'm happy, but I really think that's just because I haven't found the right person. I've had it twice, and I threw it away both times. Other than that, I just kinda want to be by myself. I want to be okay with me. I just want to hang out with my friends when I want to. And, I want to get my freaking apartment cleaned up. And, my bills paid. Yeah, I have a lot of demands. I don't know that I'll ever be happy. It's always very fleeting.

What am I doing? I don't know. I've definitely lost my penchant for writing. This whole thing sounds totally stupid. I'm becoming stupid. I need to get back into better habits, but I don't know how. Anyone know any successful hypnotists? I'm ready to send my life into a moderately happy direction. Success, I've come to the realization, is based on individual belief. I don't think I'm quite there, yet. I guess that's why my most prominent chakra is my sacral chakra. I'm so far away from the crown, it's ridiculous. &=P

Okay, just chatting. Dave fixed my computer, so I have it back...temporarily. It keeps overheating, but at least I have a computer. I can't pay my internet bill (or any of my other bills), so I can only get on internet, when I can pick up a stray connection. Success for me would definitely be me paying my fucking bills - that would totally help.

Time for bed...or ice cream...or serenity. We'll see which one motivates me the most.

God, this is sucky. I really should be doing something...........