I MISSED YOU, BLOG!
I'm going to start being more diligent about you. God knows I need it.
Right now, the trailer is in shambles, since we just moved in. I'm in the process of scrubbing out these smelly, old-ass cabinets, that have had funky old crap in them and closed and sealed off for over five years. Holy God, it's...it's almost more than I can bear. But, I live here, so it has to be done.
I'm paying for it right now, by wallowing in some pretty immense pain. That's what happens, though, when you've been fairly stagnant for the last year or so.
Still on quest to find self, as well as either finding happiness or allowing myself to be so.
Back on meds, which I'm NOT crazy about, but I'll do anything to not feel like shit.
Fucker.
Right now, I'm just doing the whole one day at a time thing. Sometimes I can't even handle the one day. I'm like the Monarch - I constantly hate EVERYTHING. I hate myself more than anyone else can ever claim. It's "teh suk," I assure you.
BUT, nothing else to do but keep pushing forward. Every day, I have the same fight with myself about how fucking tired I am, how I just want to sleep, how I want to just dissolve from this world. I have so many fantastic people in my life, though. It's your fault for me wanting to stay. &=P
*SIGH SIGH SIGH*
I have to get off here and rest my neck for a minute, before I have to get back to cleaning the kitchen. I've got to get this shit done, since we're supposed to hang out with Laura and Cory tonight. Everyone knows I've GOT to have at least a 6-hr nap beforehand.
Miss you guys. Miss posting. Miss typing. Miss working. Miss energy. Miss happiness. Miss my best friend. Miss my little mom. Miss life.
Does anyone need hugs? Because I've got a TON stored away, that I need to give away pretty soon, before I get all weird and start hugging myself.
XOXO
