i feel like there's something plaguing me. i can't tell whether it's good or bad, but you know, sometimes this is the only way i can get things out. i feel like there's something on my mind, something i should say, but i can't really pinpoint it.
god, you know apoplectic i can be, but it's just who i am, and i'm not going to change. i'm never going to change. not for anyone, for any reason. i just want to find someone who's concerned about me. in that, i will always return the thought.
but, i know i'm not getting any younger, and i still don't know where my life is going. all i know is that i want to find someone who loves me for exactly who i am, quirkiness, spastic behavior and all. i want to find someone who inspires me and for whom i can do the same. i want someone who is able to develop goals, be them large or small, both aside from me and with me, and is able to reach those goals. i want someone who isn't happy with mediocrity and always wants to strive for better.
i'm just spouting off the things that come to mind, when someone asks, "what do you want?"
when aaron and i were together, i used to think our relationship was harmful, because we were so dependent upon each other. we loved each other so deeply, that being apart would physically hurt. i tried to make it out like it was some kind of hindrance for me and my development (in other words, i couldn't whore myself around like i wanted to, when i finally started "freeing" myself *rolls eyes*). now, i know that's the only way i want to be in love. i want my entire life to revolve around that person, and i want him to want the same. we don't have to BE the same person, but i'd like to want the same things out of life.