This $30 skirt just paid for itself 7 times

Tonight (or last night), I brought in over $950 at my bar and made over $150 in tips!

Yay, me!!!!

We had over 400 people, and they said the bar should have broken $5000, but we only did right over $4000, I think. We also got slapped with a "serving alcohol to a minor" warning, so we really had to be on the up & up tonight, watching for people with no armbands or X's on their hands. There was this one kid who was underage, who kept coming up & trying to buy, but I kept turning him away. "No" is just about the same in every language, but he didn't seem to understand, no matter what I said. Our boss, Jimmy said next time that happens, call one of our cops over there to make him leave.

Ben & his friends showed up again, which was nice, having some "regulars," because you get used to what they want. I got ANOTHER phone number (not that I'll necessarily use, but all the same, wooo, me!), and they kept saying I was pretty and bonita or whatever. I was just like, "Keep drinking, because I'm just going to look better!" Haha!!! Drunks will say anything for you to give them the hookup! &=D (Which I do NOT do, before you all pile in the car to come get free drinks.)

People tipped a little better tonight (or last night - whatever), but I also felt it necessary to plead my case. I'd pick my empty tip jar up and look through it like a telescope at different people. Thankfully, too, Tara's friends came in, early on in the night and started us off.

It was SOOOOO slow when we first opened, I thought it would NEVER pick up. Then, all of a sudden, she and I are running around like chickens, and running out of stuff left and right. I had to stop selling screwdrivers, because we ran completely out of orange juice. Then people would come up and order random things that we just didn't have. I hate having to tell people no, but I guess bars can stock whatever they want, and we don't stock everything. We have the basic liquor, whiskey, beer, and that's just about it. Plus, I think we totally overcharge for stuff, but they MAKE us do that - to turn a profit, I assume. I get so many confused and disgusted looks when I tell someone it's $9 for a Sex on the Beach, but it's that whole "I'm just doing what they tell me to."

I like it, though, when we stay busy. My side kind of dies down, since I'm away from the dance floor, facing the pool tables, so I always walk over and help Tara - that usually involves cleaning up - emptying and throwing away bottles and cans, wiping down, and picking gum out of ashtrays! - GROSS!!! Every once in a while, I'll get someone trying to order something from me, but we're not supposed to work each other's sides or use each other's drawers, so I try to either tell her, or go get the stuff from my side. It's really a little complicated how that all works. I had no idea. It's definitely been a learning experience, but it's been totally fun.

We were so freaking dead by the time we closed, that our math skillz were totally suffering. I couldn't do math for SHIT when it was time to do my alcohol count and count my drawer. Tara helped me, and every other statement that came out of her mouth was, "where did you get THIS number???" I didn't know, nor did I care. But, we managed to make it out of there right before 6a, which was dramatically better than last week.

I'm so happy to be a pretend-bartender! It's so much fun!!!!! &=)

Oh yeah, I'm moving in today. I didn't get to do anything yesterday; just sign the lease. But today, I'm going to do what I can, without wearing myself out.

Speaking of which, it's 7:19a, and my bed is calling. More soon...


enough with the updates

originally posted: 7.27.07

I just got back from lunch, and I'm having to update my blog THROUGH MY EMAIL, because for some reason, they've blocked blogger and numerous other sites at my work.

It's shit like this that makes me hate this place.

I talked to Sean a few days ago, though, and he said they've done the same thing at his work recently, too. I don't know what that means. Conspiratorial behavior is what it sounds like to me. Some kind of government shit, no doubt. Heather had an American flag sitting on her countertop the other day, that I had to move to make a sandwich, and I accidentally dropped it on the floor. I told her that if the feds showed up, I'd try to go quietly. Apparently it would be better to drop tomato on the flag, rather than push it to the side for sanitary reasons.


I'm a second generation hippie, so I'm allowed to say these things.

Anyway, things are ok. I'm all moved in to Heather's downstairs...again. I know, I know, but everything is still in the smack-dab middle of transition. Every bit of the crap that I own is stuffed, somehow, into her downstairs playroom. I have a fit every time one of the cats tries to make a scratching post out of my $3000 mattress.

What else? Oh, I'm sick as a dog. Thank God for my surgeon from yesterday, though (no names, just in case). While I was down in surgery, I heard it was his birthday, so I went up to him and said, "Happy birthday - write me an antibiotic." It started as stuffy/runny nose (how can it be both?), then just rapidly spread all through my head. It's in my throat, both my ears, headache, watery eyes, green, and my voice keeps going in and out. I know it's all because of last week, getting little sleep, stress, moving, passing out, the heat, etc. But he hooked me up with amoxicillin, and I'm already feeling the tiniest bit better. I have to stay drugged up on the OTC stuff, because I can't be running through the OR, blowing my nose and touching stuff and breathing on patients. I just hope I'll be ok for this Saturday night.

Which reminds me - I need to go get a bar bible and some No-Doz, or something to keep me going. I hope it's a little busier. I'm trying to spread the word, but then again, I don't want people to show up, just so I can make a serious ass of myself. I just want your money. &=) Just kidding. But not really.

The girl who hooked me up with the job was attacked by her soon-to-be ex-husband a couple of days ago, so I'm really worried about her. I told her that I know people think I'm crazy for always carrying a knife, but I am, and there are reasons for it. Other people give me those reasons. He spent most of the night up there last Saturday on her side of the bar, just sitting and watching. I know break-ups are hard, but come on. I have to say, I managed to stave off the stalker in me when I went through break-ups. It's hard - I KNOW. I think everyone knows what it feels like to have your heart smashed into a million tiny pieces and then crapped on, only for it to sit out in the baking hot sun for weeks, until it dries up, turns into a white, ashy, abstruse, undecipherable material and blows away. I got all that. Hell, I tried to make myself jump off the 280 bridge once. I know what pain is.

So, I'm probably going to be a little edgy on Saturday - best not to sneak up on me.

Ohhhhh, what else? Oh yeah, I paid my moneys, and I'm all set to start moving in to my new place in Southside on Saturday. I'm going to try to take as much as I possibly can, but like I've said before, I'm just going to move the bare essentials (bed, bathroom stuff, computer) until I can afford to hire some guys - or buy some new friends - to move the rest. I'm really looking forward to this. Or, rather, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS!!!! I am. I love Heather, but I can't find ANYTHING I own right now. &=D I'm sure people are starting to wonder about the smell and why I keep wearing the same clothes. It's still going to take me some time to get some money saved up, to start paying off bills, THEN be able to buy the things I want (new cam is priority). I hate that I have this stuff so well-organized in my head sometimes. There are days that I break down and buy something I don't need - like a Wii game, when I don't own a Wii.

You know what I'm saying. It's like being on a money diet. Except that I don't eat money. I ate a marble one time, but it came out in my poop. I don't know if money will do that. I can't even stand the SMELL of money, much less to touch it. &=P Yet, I can never have enough.

Lemme think...I think that's it. I'm only about 15 chapters through HP&TDH, but I'm really trying to savor this one my first time through. I don't read when other people are around, because I can't stand to take my attention from the book. I'm taking notes, of which everyone's made fun. My friend at work, Tommy, is about to die for me to finish the book, because he said he still has all these unanswered questions. Every time I ask HIM a question, though, he just stares at me, or says, ".....I can't say." I can't wait to get all moved in and settled down, because I'd like to go through and reread all the books from start to finish. I can't wait until the paperback comes out, because that's when I get to make all my notes and underlinings and stuff. The HP Lexicon has been an absolutely invaluable resource. I love that thing. I like to just open it up and read it, just to have something to read. I hate that people don't like this STORY, but that's how it is, I guess.

Ok, I think that's about it for now. I'm sorry I've been so sparse in my updates and pictures and whatnot. They say that you shouldn't wish your life away, but I sure am glad these last couple of weeks are over. I knew it was going to be rough, but it got overwhelming at times.

I'm in the last days, though. No more driving to work from Hoover - yay! Gotta call my landlord (-lady? -people?) to find out when to sign the lease, so more when I get something going...


Fainting goats got nothing on me

As usual, I'm really sorry about the lack of updates. It's been one hell of a weekend, one I'm looking to never again make the mistake of repeating during my lifespan.

Wow. When you set out to make a new life for yourself, if that's the path you're supposed to be on, it feels like a whirlwind.

No, I'm not done reading HP. I'm only on chapter 4. And, it's been an emotional rollercoaster from the very beginning. All I'm going to say is after chapter 3, I'm not so sure I'm going to be able to finish the book. I've squalled till my eyes are swollen almost shut.

In my "spare time" (of which I've come across the existence of negative time), we've been headed back to the apartment, where I've had my power cut off (I KNEW there was something I was forgetting...), into the blazing heat to continue to pack and move and sort and have complete and total comeaparts.....wait, that last part was just me. No, I'm not hormonal - bite me.

I managed to sleep 3 hours when I got home from the bar last night and woke up feeling refreshed, albeit tired and a little achy. As the day wore on, and we started working, I crashed like a 747. I got to the point where, every time I would hit the stairs, going up or down, my left knee (the strong one) would just quiver with every step.

We've made it down to nick-nacky things that never have a good place in which to be packed, along with my larger pieces of furniture (all of this under Heather's direction, ONCE AGAIN - she's been the moving nazi, 5 years running). Again, we've been moving everything into Heather's downstairs playroom until I can manage to find out more about my move in date. We had started a good "assembly line" of sorts, when I started crashing hard. Heather had left to take another load over to the house for her and Lee to unload, while Sean and I sorted and packed what we could and tried to get things moved down the stairs, to try to expediate things. It just got hotter, and I kept getting more tired and seemingly closer to the ground. I don't remember what I was doing, but all I remember was feeling really weak, then seeing this blinding flash of white, and the next thing I know, I wake up in the "cat hair chair" in a cold sweat, with my fists clenched tightly shut, allover body numbness, and Sean standing over me, pouring ice and water all over me, trying to cool me down.

I didn't even ask - I knew I had fallen out.

I cursed myself inside and out. Frankly, I hate this shit. I don't know whose body I have gotten stuck with from a past life, but this thing has got to go. As I've said before, you turn 30, you go to ground (see House of God).

Sean managed to get me to become coherent enough to get me down the stairs, into the car, and back to Heather's. I sat in the bedroom, bawling, digging through my box o' meds, trying to find ANYTHING - pain meds, sleep meds, depression meds - anything to make it all stop for a few hours.

Well, I managed somehow to get the right concoction. Aaaand, I'm back on my crutches for right now. From the thighs down, my legs feel like marshmallow peeps - no rigidity or control whatsoever. My shins and knee are aching so badly, I've had to pack a comforter underneath my legs to get the pain to subside while I try to rest.

Tomorrow, I'm going to take the money I made from the bar and more than likely, empty out my savings account, and rent a God-forsaken truck. I may not have the manpower, and it WILL take me the rest of the day, but I WILL make it out of that dementor of an apartment. - You like that? Like how I inserted that HP reference as an everyday adjective? Well, I do.

My girls are currently here with me, at Heather's, exploring, climbing all over me and everything that can be climbed upon, sniffing until I'm pretty sure they're going to hyperventilate themselves for somewhat useless information, and just getting acclimated. They've been my saving grace more than once. I know - crazy cat lady, and again, the offer to bite me still stands.

It's almost 10, so I have to trek upstairs to use the restroom, get some water and take whatever meds will get me through the night. I've got my last hellacious day for a while tomorrow, since I'll be attempting to get the rest of my moving done alone. Chris was nice enough to let me off work Monday, but I absolutely can't expect anything out of another person. I'm getting to be that kind of person that people hate to hear from (what do you mean, you're "getting to be" that way? Aren't you already? And to that, I say yes). I'm pretty sure I'll be alright - I just need to get a good night's rest, to fully recoup from the other night.

As before, I hope this bar thing works out, but I'm really scared to reinjure my knee, so I don't know. I may have to put off my dreams of becoming a real bar bitch/wentch until further notice. Jimmy no good with no sleepy.

As always, thanks for sticking around and reading. I know I'm in the middle of some pretty heavy stuff, but I still like to keep people as in the loop as feasibly possible. Being without internet and having your work block the only site you have to update this stuff becomes a REAL pain in the ass after so many days of the fight. But, eh - nothing I can do right now.

I hope all is well, everyone is doing good, things are working out for everyone, and life is generally good. There are always tiny, spontaneous, random prayers being shot in your direction, so if you think of me, it's probably because I thought of you first!

Love you guys. &=)

Tips Go In - Hands Stay Out

Good morning!

Quick update:

Still moving. Will be until Monday. I'm moving in with Heather to start with, until the time comes for me to move in to the new place (a week, maybe?). I'm really looking forward to it. Right now, me and the girls are holed up in her downstairs bedroom.

I met a new girl at work, Tara, and she helped me get on bartending at a place in Trussville/Roebuck called La Rumba. It's a bar that plays mainly Mexican rock, rap, dance music, etc. I started last night and worked from 9p-6a, and holy crap, are my feet ever killing me. I cannot wait to move horizontal so all the blood will stop touching anything below my waist. I did alright for my first night, I guess. I made $106, but I am the noob, and I have NO idea what I'm doing! I did pretty good for someone who's only talent with alcohol was, at one point in her life, how much she could put away. &=)

But, I just think it's kinda cool - I'm a tiny bartender! &=D I have to get a bar bible to figure some stuff out, and I'm going to have to figure out how I'm going to keep this up. Bartending can make some phat money, and I need every little bit I can get, especially right now! It's not only Mexicans, btw. I saw lots of different people in there, but the Mexicans were actually really, really nice, translated for each other, made me laugh, taught me some ESPANOL, and they were INCREDIBLY patient with me.

I have to say, it's a pretty sweet side job, if I can keep it up, if at all possible. My knees and feet are freaking killing me big right now, and I'm a little scared to botch my knee up. I'll have to take it as easy as I possibly can. About 2/3 of the way through the night, I dragged a stool back there with me and copped a squat. Between midnight and 2 we got really, really busy. I wore the total wrong kinds of kicks there, so I learned my lesson this time. I buzzed around, made Tequila Sunrises, Jack & Cokes, Margaritas, Long Islands, shots, handed out TONS of beer, cleaned more than a regular bartender probably does (OCD), learned WAAAAAY too much about the backside of a bar (um, yuck), and picked up a tiny bit of Spanish on the side. I absolutely had the time of my life! &=) I didn't realize this would be my second calling! &=D

I know, I know - selling the alkie. To what will she resort next? - Hey, nothing in which I have to compromise myself or my integrity. I'm merely performing a job, giving the public what they ask for and having a little bit of tolerable fun in the meantime.

Ahhhhhh, but I must retire. Like I said, I hope I can keep this up. Today isn't going to be very fun, because I have a TON of stuff to do. I hate I'm going to miss church (I'm sorry AGAIN, Honey Lee!), but it's just now 7a, and I've got to get a bit of sleep before I have to force myself to become active again.

Oh, the sweet surrender to a well-deserved slumber - all but inches away...


Harry Potter & the End of the Story (no spoilers)

I can't even hardly hold my head up.

It's 2a early on July 21 - I have my Harry Potter & The Deadly Hallows book. It's on the bed, right next to me. I'm so freaking excited and tired, I don't even have words to express what's going through my mind.

I'm scared to read it, because this is the end. This is it.

I made it. I don't know the end, and now, no one can mess it up for me. &=)

We actually had a couple of jerks wandering through the bookstore, "videoing" peoples' reactions when they tell them the end of the book - I had them thrown out. And, the funny thing was, I had them pegged from the moment I saw them walking through the store. I sought out the manager, who was standing on the desk in the middle of the store, calling out the numbers, and he was on them like white on rice. His name was Keith, and I still cannot thank that man enough for being as proactive as he was. He was awesome.

**Thank you, Keith!!!**

I'm still in costume. I'm not ready for it to be over. &=) Call me a freak. I don't really care. I'm a Harry Potter-reading Christian who dresses like a spook and listens to hardcore rock, and there's not a thing you can do about it. People can judge all they want here on Earth, but they'll be the ones being judged in the end, along with all the rest of us who have lived a life.

Laugh, if you like.

I think it's silly for your faith to be tested in the wake of the release of a BOOK. This isn't the Anarchist's Cookbook. It's not even a good guide to learning about Wiccan or Pagan characteristics. It's a fictional story about a boy who finds out that he's different from the people around whom he's grown up. God forbid that, right? We don't like differences. We discourage individuality, unless it's like everyone ELSE'S idea of individuality. We loathe those who aren't similar to us in thought, procession, interests, beliefs, dress, look, intelligence...you name it, we can always find something wrong with it.

My dress of choice was Bellatrix LeStrange, in my opinion, one of the most evil characters in the entire series. In my mind's eye, I resemble her very closely in physicality, but our personalities couldn't be more polar opposites. As I sit here costumed as Bellatrix, I wonder about people, giving brief thoughts to various people who have been a part of my life, contemplating over complete strangers. I sat right there in the movie theatre, watching Order of the Phoenix, again dressed as Bellatrix, squalling my eyes out through the movie: The excitement of a fantasy, a wonderful story come to life on the big screen; the swell of the music constantly stuck in my throat; the knowing that my favorite character, Harry, the hero of the book will eventually have to fight what's taken away everything good in his life, knowing that, no matter what, he will choose the path of righteousness...all of those, things that make me happy and make me smile. &=)

I'll be 30 this year, I'm living a real life, and even I, as an adult, don't always make all the right decisions, nor has any other person on this planet.

I know that if Harry were real, he and I would be friends. Life wouldn't always be perfect. But it would be nice to live in a world where help didn't seem so out of reach sometimes. I would encourage him to make the right choices, but based on my reading these books for the past 7 years, I wouldn't have to "push" him in the right direction that much - he seems to know the way on his own, even if he sometimes takes the roundabout way to get there.

Thank you, Jo. And, good luck, Harry. I never doubted your abilities and influence for a second. I look forward to seeing you on the other side, wherever the end takes you.


various updateable materials

Flah....The only time I can update the internet is when I'm at work right now, because my home net is off. This suckzzzz.

So, what happened this past week?

Well, let's start with Harry Potter. On the night of the 10th, I went with several of my friends and family to go to the midnight opening of OOTP. We got some ok pics, but it was all very harried. It was in the middle of the week, I woke up too late to do get everything done that I needed to do, but overall, I had a wonderful time. And, I was like one of two people who dressed up. But I didn't care. This is the kind of stuff that is TOTALLY fun to me. If people weren't such haters, I'd wear hair falls every day of the week. So, it was me, Heather, Larry, Sean, Dwane, Amy, Mark, Erica, Shelby, Mariah, Austin and Braxton who went. We took up an entire row in the theatre. But the movie was awesome. Ok, it was less than awesome. I hate the phrase "artistic license" but they did that. In my opinion, though, it was much better than the last one, but much LESS fun than the book.

I promise, I will post pics eventually, but I can't make anything coordinate right now and won't be able to for some weeks. &=(

NO, I still haven't found a place. YES, I'll be out by the 23rd. I'm definitely making the move back to Southside, strictly to be closer to work. I'm hoping I can find something that will be kind of like Avalon, but less....ghetto-oriented. I liked the apartment, but I hated the fact that I was on the alley, butt-up against this other crappy apartment, where the people were always coming out, screaming and fighting at three in the morning, or blasting their music. The people above me were actually ok, but the chick below me...when I finally left the apartment, I nailed her door shut. So, whether or not she was in and couldn't get out, or out and couldn't get in, I couldn't care either way. I'm actually hoping she just stayed in there and rotted. She would turn her radio on, and it would thump through the floorboards for hours and hours. I called the cops and my landlord on her so many times, it's sickening. I hate living the apartment life, but this will be it until I can get everything turned around.

Ok, what next. Oh, my knee is fine. I'm finally back at work with no brace or crutches, although I do wear the elastic one just for support. Every so often, it feels weak, like it's going to suddenly go out. I still have a limp, and my hip still hurts, so I'm just kinda taking it easy.

Me & Sean went to see 311 - yeah, I posted that already. Ok, now this is all coming back to me. Ahhhh, I hate having to do it like this. This blows.

I watched the kids for Heather and Lee on the 12th, and this weekend I had my friend Jerry, who I took and enrolled at Jimmy Hale on Sunday. I really hope he sticks with the program, because I've exhausted every way that I know of helping him. Good luck, hun - I know you're going to do fine, as long as you clear your mind, keep it open, be honest, stay focused and stay away from the wrong people. Easier said than done - yes, I know.

Today, I have to renew my tag, and tomorrow, I have to meet some guys who are going to take me around to some apartments. I've seen stuff that I really like, but something is always standing the way. I'm going to have to settle on something. I should have started earlier if I was going to be so picky, but once again, I made the wrong decision, by having my surgery before moving. I should have waited until I got settled in to have it done. Oh well - at least it's over.

I have my first appointment with EAP this Wednesday, and I'm a little nervous. This will be my first time talking to someone in over a year. I don't really know what I'm going to say - just go in there and bounce off of whatever the counselour says, I guess. It's better when I talk to someone I know, because they know my history. It's just funny, though, because every time I do this, it always starts with, "My mom passed away several years ago...." Although the problems STARTED long before that, they didn't actually present themselves until after she was gone. It just pisses me off because I can't live without medicine. I get the whole "chemical imbalance" thing, but how did people deal with this before drugs? Sanitariums? Well, I'm about ready for a nice, long vacation - check me in! *google eyes*

So, that's my partial, incomplete update. I have nothing great to report. I feel ok, although some days I'm ready to give in to everything and just stop. I know there's something out there for me, I'm just tired of looking. I'm ready for some sort of clemency. I'm just really tired of being tested right now. I need a break. I'd like someone to take care of and who can take care of me. I know I'm asking a lot, though, so I try not to ask a lot.

God, this is why I hate posting at work. They're in the break room talking about Marvel comic characters vs. Star Wars - who would win?

You know who I think? Harry Potter. But, that's just the opinion of one fan.


ALL dogs go to Heaven, even if you don't

I just read this article about scientists finding the 10000-year-old frozen carcass of a 6-month-old baby mammoth in the Yamal-Nenets region of Siberia. He's in spectacular shape, with his eyes intact, and they said he even still has his fuzzy hair. I thought it was all great and everything, until I saw his little picture and had to give myself the mental image of that tiny, baby mammoth, getting lost in the snow, separated from his parents, can't find any food, and finally just falling over in exhaustion and hunger, only to freeze to death, alone.


You know, I love doing things for PETA, ASPCA, pets, farm animals, domestic animals, but most of those horrendous videos and articles, I have to admit, I've never even seen or read. I love to be able to spout off facts and information for people who ask or want to know more, but the images of the things that I have seen have never left my brain. It's the kind of things I have nightmares about - kittens in boxes or bags on the side of the road, frantically crying for help; animals locked away in cages, vomiting, eyes running, bloody and swollen shut, shaved, pumped full of chemicals, all as test subjects for human products; puppies from puppy mills, starving and physically suffering from mange, rabies and more than likely starving and suffering from any number of infections; the infected, bloody, cracked bottom of an elephant's foot from standing on hot asphalt for hours at a time, sometimes wearing sequiny outfits, standing there, waiting to perform for human entertainment; cows lined up, standing in and eating their own feces, only to be corralled, herded in, and have their brains bashed out, simply to satisfy the human need to be the highest link on the food chain...I mean, I could literally go on for hours. But I have to FORCE myself to not think about this stuff, because it drives me almost to the brink of insanity, knowing me and Booboo and Jammy Pie are sitting, holed-up in our safe apartment, with food and shelter, but there are so many others out there, suffering, usually at the hands of a human being.

I was talking to Sean the other day about my encounters with atheism and my feelings on various facets of religion. I said that although Christianity doesn't teach it and most people probably don't believe it, I can't stand to think about animals not having souls. I mean, just looking into Jezzabelle's eyes, I KNOW for a fact that girl has a soul. I just don't understand how people can look in the face of an animal, like a dog or a cat, even a pet that you care about with all your heart, with those baleful eyes and still believe that there is no God. And there's no scientific basis - it's just something I believe. I can't stand to think that I'll have to go the rest of my entire eternity, without ever getting to see my Luxo or Missy or any of the other pets I've cherished over the years.

I always said that I love animals, and I always just want them to all jump on me and be soft. Well, I mean, not like cows and elephants - they can hang out nearby, while I'm rolling in bunnies and chinchillas and kittens and stuff. Then I'll get up and love on the bigger animals. I think animals are amazing - the way they're so different from us, yet have many similarities. I can watch Booboo and Jammy play for hours. The way they move, entertain themselves, adeptly pick things up with their hands, and roll around like they've never been happier in all their lives. And, I'm so happy I can give them that, even though they can't thank me.

I've seen people in desperate situations; I've seen lots of human suffering, but there's nothing that can light a fire under me like an animal that's in trouble. I can't stand to hear the mew of a kitten, in particular, when it's in trouble or lost or scared. It's heart-wrenching to me. Imagine that kitten as a frightened human child, and you'll understand what I'm picturing. They can't "tell" us what they need or want, so we have to do whatever we can to help. I mean, even having opposable thumbs and the ability to reason, I can't imagine being lost in a place full of strange-smelling creatures who don't speak your language and don't look remotely LIKE you.

Once, I saw this video of these dudes who put a cat in a cage, squirted it with gasoline, then set it on fire and videotaped it. I've never been able to stop thinking about that; I can still hear the scream of that cat. I don't really even need to publically post what I'd like to do to those guys. I reported the link to PETA, and they said they'd heard of it before, and it was still under investigation. I know PETA is pretty extreme, but that's exactly who I think should get their hands on those jackasses. Inhumanity to any creature, living or dead, is completely unnecessary.

Sorry. Bit of a preachy thing, right? That's ok. I like exploring these varying subjects that make me who I am, even sometimes I can't even decide what to wear or remember if I ate breakfast or not. I'm not the best at debating, but that's why I like to lay this stuff out and pick through it with a fine tooth comb. The more you know about a subject, the more intelligibly you can discuss it with someone.

I know that was kind of a weird tangent to take, but I did it. And I LIKED it. &=P

"New Jimmy, with ankle-whacking action! Crutch sold separately."

Man, I've got so much to update, but guess what? My home internet has been cut off. &=( I've been behind in paying everything lately, so I was able to pay them only part of my bill, so they cut my service off anyway. Ok, so give me my $50 back, then. Pth.

Anyway, I figured, screw it - I'm out of there in less than two weeks anyway. So, I'm just going to cancel my service altogether today. Sucks not having net at home, though. Kinda similar to withdrawals from meth or smoking - can't stop pacing the floors and can't find anything with which I want to busy myself.

Ok, so I can't update on much of anything right now. All my pics and stuff are on my computer. I might take it over to Heather's one evening and update then. But I hate posting something, then posting pics later or not WITH the crap I'm talking about. Gets kind of confusing. Like I still have to post pics of my knee and hip (which is great, btw, but more on that in a min), but I have to pull pics off Amy's cam and Heather's cam, etc, etc.

Lemme see what else...oh, it's 13 days until I move, and I have nowhere to go. &=D I'm ok, though. I'll figure something out. I've got enough cardboard boxes to build my own cardboard box mansion, so I guess I'm kinda glad it's warm outside right now.

Ok, I went and saw Dr. Stannard yesterday, and he gave me a clean bill of health. The xrays look ok - you can see the tiny bone graft in between the two pieces of patella. He wants to give it 6 more weeks, though, before we start PT. &=( He said I don't have to wear the brace or do the crutches anymore, but I'm still kind of nervous about that. He said he still doesn't want me doing any lifting with my leg, no squatting or weight training on it yet, but I can walk and do normal stuff. So, I'm at work today, with the ace bandage on my knee and my brace in a bag, moving at a turtle's pace. I've been really cautious, walking around. I went to do a portable and as I was leaving, I was like, "ok, see you guys in an hour." I did ok, though. I was just pokey-pokey.

And, I'm trying to WALK and not hop, hobble or limp, which is much harder than it sounds, because I can get around SOOOO much faster when I do those things. Ow, and it does have twinges of pain, though, every now and again. It's a different kind of pain than I'm used to. I always wondered what it would feel like to have hardware in your body - well, it doesn't.

My friend Sean and I went to the 311 concert last night, and it was awesome. We were both exhausted (as I'm sure everyone else who went was) from going to the HP premiere at midnight on Tuesday. It was the first time I've ever sat down at a concert. &=( But I didn't stay sitting the whole time. I stood a little during Matisyahu (who is frigging awesome, for those of you who are like me and have never heard of him) and tried to get my concert legs. Then 311 came out, and I had to use my crutch, because I was rocking out. They were awesome, AS USUAL, and Nick Hexum is still the die-hard hawtie he was in the very beginning. We were in the first tier and had pretty good seats, so I was happy about that. I don't like sitting at the top, where you have to take the dramamine. *Urp*

Getting to the seats was a bit of an effort. I had my brace and one crutch, just to ward the peoples off. It was a bit of a trek from the car, and when we got in the gate, it got really tight. Some people were very polite and would step out of the way to let me pass. Others would just run straight into me, like I wasn't even there - much like I'm used to. It sucks to be short...and invisible. Anyway, we got into the venue, and it got so tight, and most of the people weren't paying any attention, so I just started dragging my crutch (with a little added weight) and whacking people in the ankles and shins. I managed to bruise about 50 people before we got to our seats, so I did pretty good. Some people I managed to hit both legs, so that's double points. I think I'm going to start taking a crutch everywhere I go. Forever.

Oh, and when Matisyahu was performing, there was this really tall, really drunk guy who came staggering into the row in front of us and TOTALLY ALL-OUT FELL on the guy directly in front of me. I thought he knew the guy and was just giving him a hard time - but he didn't! I turned and looked aghast at Sean, and he said, "man, that could have been you!" So, I kept a bead on this joker the WHOLE concert. Bitch wasn't falling on MY knee. After Matisyahu, the dude climbs over the seats into OUR row (dammit) and comes tumbling towards me. I put my hands out to stop him, and he says, "I'm not going to hurt you,"
"Yes, you are."
"Well, it's possible."
"And, it's possible I'll kick your ass."
He was all trying to pull that drunk/hooch-laden "let's all just get along" friendliness crap on me, but I was having none of it. If this ass would have fallen on me and fucked my knee up, omfg, you guys don't know the ass-whooping I would have delivered on this fucker. &=( More surgery. Pinch me.

Aside from that, I met the guy sitting next to me, (Christopher) who's in real estate and councils high school kids who have been in accidents with drunk drivers, sustained some type of injury and are getting acclimated back into high school. Sitting next to him were these two girls, Mike and I didn't catch the name of the other one. The lady behind me kept telling me how beautiful my hair was and how she loved the flowers I had in it, so we talked arts and crafts for a few minutes. That's one thing about that type of concert - everyone's really friendly. And, I'm like a coiled snake, sitting, waiting to strike. A snake with KNEES. *sssssssssssss*

So, anyway, the concert was fantabulawesome. They didn't play Sean's fav song "Come Original", but they did play "Creatures," "Love Song" and several other really good ones. I kept having to sit down, whenever my legs would get tired or my knee would start hurting, but I did good. They played a lot of instrumental stuff that I swear I almost fell asleep to. It was very mellow and comforting. I wish they'd release a whole album of stuff like that. Oh, and they did that drum line thing that they started doing on their last tour. That number always gets my heart racing. I love it.

Also, Nick Hexum is a frigging hottie. Did I say that already?

Bah, ok. Peoples are talking to me and talking and they're making me lose my train of thought. I'll blag more laterz.


Harry Potter + moving + broke knee = panic attack

As soon as I get home, I'll edit this post.

Until then, I thought I'd send out the link:


The HP trio has finally gotten their own block at Grauman's Chinese Theatre!!! &=D That's SO cool! I'm so excited!! Only 17 more hours till the movie, and 11 days till the book!!!! And, yes, before you ask, I will be holing myself up in my apartment that weekend to read the book - no tv, no phones. I'm also taking off work the following Monday, not only to make sure I've read the entire book, but to MOVE! ARRRRGGGHHH!!! Please tell me this is a good sign!

WAIT! I haven't even found a place to live yet!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Some people are Trekkies...

At this time tomorrow, I will transform, once again, into Bellatrix LeStrange.

Just so you know, this is NOT the image I have of her at all. But it will touch on the main points - the black, the crazy hair, and...well, that's probably the most important stuff. I'm going to see just how far I can possibly take it tomorrow, without making it unbelievable. There's nothing I hate worse than an unconvincing wizard. Sheesh.

Haha, and the great thing is, I've tricked other people into going with me! It's always nice to see the looks on other peoples' faces when they realize...you dressed up...for the premiere...of a movie...for a children's book.

Way back when I started reading the books, I took a test and was immediately sorted into Slytherin. In fact, I took the test several times and kept being sorted into Slytherin. I've always been drawn to her for some odd reason. So, let's just assume that Bellatrix is who I would be if I were to use my powers for good instead of evil.



Reason #only about being an adult

You know the best thing about being semi-growed-up?

I found $20 in something I was packing away, so I took it and went on a midnight ice cream run all by myself!

Sure, it would have been fun to do a doughnut drive-by with someone, but this was pretty fulfilling, since I've learned to make it through the week on less than $5.

Hunger pangs? No, that's just lactic acid from doing that million sit-ups earlier.

Stomach growling? Nah - I just farted.

I don't even GET hungry anymore. I'm convinced that's why I can't possibly lose one ounce - my body has become accustomed to eating its own fat, then making more. That's one of the GREATEST things about being a chick.

Man, I've got a ton of old posts in here that I need to get out, but they're unfinished. And, in this case, I mean, literally unfinished. Not buffed and refurbished like I normally mean when I say that. I mean, there are these two weird ladies standing over by the desk watching me type this, so Imma go now. I hate when people watch me type. And read what I'm typing. When they weren't invited. Yeah, I'm talking to you two. Oooooooo - burned!

More in a bit.


...just thought i'd tell someone, albeit probably just myself, my good news.

This light duty crap is for the birds. I have to admit, getting paid to sit around with your broke leg propped up has its perks for about a day. But then it just gets annoying. They had started putting me up at the front desk, but you all know how much I LOATHE talking on the phone, so that was sucking. I hate talking on the phone, and talking to stupid people over the phone makes it even worse. I mean, you DO know this isn't the carwash, OR the movie theatre, OR the st vincent's parking lot shuttlebus. And, just because you're deaf, doesn't mean everyone else is. I started just transferring calls to random numbers. It's a wonder they even kept me up there. I learned how to schedule three CT's, while taking down info of films to be printed, and pulling off info from ER of STAT exams to put in. All those years at the Aegis paid off after all! &=)

Ok, I'm SO friggin excited to be off this light duty crap - I just had to share. Even though they'll probably send me over to Southside first thing. And, between me, you and the rest of the hospital, I hate it over there. I'm ready to get back into my regular routine of staying busy downstairs in main, where I belong.

I'm going to attempt to go around and look at more apts today. There's one set that I really wanted to stop by. It's kinda "meh" on the outside, and it sure is cheap, but maybe it's just a "treasure" that no one knows about! Or maybe that was actually a mutated roach I talked to on the phone, who was trying to get me to move in. Either way, she seemed really nice. We'll see. We'll seeeeeee......


tiny updaters

Just so you know, I'm still alive.

I'm actually working on a post right now, but I have to take time off, to give my brain a break. It's hard when you come to realizations about yourself. You can't tell by looking at me, but sometimes it's hard to point at yourself and say, "hey, I've figured out all the things that make me so fucked up." It's even harder to address those things and know that they have to change before you're able to move on within your life.

I'm also not getting around very well. You know how we've been having that drought? Well, I wish we were in one right now. And you know that's abnormal for me to say that. Every effing time it rains, it feels like someone is trying to wrench my right leg from it's socket.

I've started packing...a little. I need to go back down to surgery tomorrow to see if I can get some smaller boxes. I have plenty of huge ones, but I can barely lift the ones I have. Suxes.

Give me time. I have like 2 weeks till I'm supposed to be out. I'll make it. I don't know how, but I always do. After that, lots of things will be changing. Those of you who need to know will receive notification as events warrant themselves.

Those who don't - well, I bid you adieu. No hard feelings, but it's just time for me to move on...without you.

It's been a long time coming, but I need this. I'm actually looking forward to it. Most of you know how I am - I'm not good at staying in one place for a long time. Change is my friend. I've been obsessed with it since mom passed away.

Who knows what's in my future? God does.

Laugh, if you must. Because I don't care.

*ouch* Ok, have to go find some meds - my knee is predicting a hurricane in the next 5 seconds. And, it's gonna be a big'un. Cows are laying down all over the state, as we speak. God, you know what I could go for? Coffee. I don't know what made me think that.

Oh, right - meds. Ok, more later.


who are you?

When someone tells you something, do you just hear what you want to hear?

If someone sends you an email, do you be sure and read the whole thing?

How do you interpret people?

Do you try to force things to be the way you think they should be?

Or do you ever just accept what's probably inevitable and move on?

When do you fight for what you want?

When do you decide that there's no longer a point in trying?


Ben Harper - Walk Away

Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you, my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else

And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life,
Why do I worry
About one?

But you put the happy
In my -ness
You put the good times
Into my fun

And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We've tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray

They say if you love somebody
Then you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery

They say time will
Make this all go away
But it's time that has taken my tommorows
And turned them into yesterdays

And once again, that rising sun
Is dropping on down
And once again, you, my friend
Are no where to be found

And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away

Walk away...