11.27.2006

diet of stress

ok.

i'm better. still crampy, but better.

"better from what?," you may venture to ask.

it's a harrowing tale of love, hate, adventure, car chases, dead bodies, very few laughs, lots of screaming and a whole ocean of tears.

trust me - it's not your kind of flick.

although, i'm feeling better, after being justifiably angry. i got to talk to heather last night. thank God there's SOMEONE on my side. and i don't mean that kind of "just because she's my bff" on my side. i mean, the real, honest-to-goodness "what the hell are you crying for? you should be PISSED!" kind of on my side. you know me, i'm the first to admit when i'm wrong. but i'll be damned if....ok.

ok.

let's not get into this. not at work. i'm already hurting enough.

heather and i started the 4-day diet this morning. they should call it the "eat a giant head of lettuce and piss yourself dry" diet. because i ate a whole quarter head of lettuce for lunch and have already been to the bathroom 7 (about to be 8) times since i've been awake. i mean, you get to eat other things, but it's not like you have a lot of options. and they tell you WHEN to eat and drink, which is optimal for me. i'm already about ready to throw up...and it's going to be all watery lettuce. because it seems like that's all i've had - water and lettuce.

*sigh* the price we pay for beauty and health.

by the way, the word of the day is "equivocate":
To be deliberately ambiguous or unclear in order to mislead or to avoid committing oneself to anything definite.

which, unequivocally, is my life.

THERE'S A F&$^%^#('G REASON...

WHY EX'S AREN'T NORMALLY FRIENDS.

current mood: pissed off


those of you who CAN accomplish this - KUDOS TO YOU.


right now, i'd like to gouge my eyes out, and not JUST BECAUSE i've been bawling my face off for the past MF'N 4 HOURS and my head is F*$^^#*#%'G killing me, but because i think it would hurt a lot less than having to go through WEIRD SHIT like this.

you know, i've been through that time where you just jump into decisions and feelings all willy-nilly, so i guess i should just stfu. but right now, even though i'm dealing a lot with depression, i consider myself to be in a pretty decent place in my life.

and you know what? I DON'T NEED ANYBODY'S F(*&#$(@'G HELP. i'm doing damn fine on my own. i don't need your f*'g HELP, i don't need your f*'g PERMISSION, i don't need your f*'g MONEY, i don't need to be your f*'g RESPONSIBILITY.

my mom died 7 YEARS AGO. i've been "ON MY OWN" for 7 YEARS. i'm taking care of me. i have people who love me and see to me and will put me in a home for crazy folks when i'm no longer able to function.

and i'll be DAMNED if i'm gonna let some ASS march all over the progress i've made over the past few months, with his blame and pointing fingers and making me think that it's all MY fault! ohhhhhhh no, my friend. i may be a complete drama queen, and i acknowledge the fact that i'm crazy, but i wasn't born yesterday.

you know, i HAVE perfectly solid friendships, and some of them have been through hell and high waters, and they've definitely stood the test of time, but i've NEVER....

***OMFG****


i am SO INCREDIBLY INDIGNANT right now, you have NOOOOOO IDEA.

and it TOTALLY is NOT helping that i am PMS'ING like a woman with 14 ovaries, i shit you not.

this is fucking ridiculous - i'm going to bed. FUCK THIS!!!!!!!

*stomps off*