My accidental writing talent

To whomever keeps commenting on my writing ability:

Look, I really, REALLY appreciate the comments - more than you can imagine. It's not like I have any other talents aside from this (well, none worth mentioning here).

But, the only thing about which I've ever been able to effectively write is myself. Well, I did make the highest grades on both my junior and senior year-end english papers in high school (that was my five minutes of fame. Considering there were two papers, that would count as ten minutes, but I digress...). The fact I was able to acheive that honor my senior year was completely shocking to me, since I ended up having to fake an interest in Willa Cather. God, I hated her works. To this day, I start having WWII-like flashbacks every time I see My Antonia or O Pioneers on a high school reading list. Those poor, poor kids...

Basically, what I'm saying is thank you, but I wouldn't know anything about writing, what to write, how to go about starting to write, enrolling in a class (I think those cost money), etc. Plus, I would hate to hear anyone talk shit about my work - I'm pretty sensitive about what I write. These are my experiences, my opinions. If I was looking for the opinions of others, I'd probably use a whole lot more...what are those? Oh yeah, there it is - question marks.

I don't have a vast enough imagination to think up a "story" on my own. I can edit, though, like a mad professor. Although, I wouldn't mind beefing up my knowledge on APA style and the like.
Complete nerd-alert: I'd actually like to start over in a grade school class, and start from beginning - that totally stokes me to think about that. I enjoy proper grammar, but I always end up writing in the exact same way that I speak (and, yes, I use profanity). To hear me read it, though, is somewhat excruciating, since my mouth always moves faster than my brain. Hey, wait - that happens to me in every day life, too! That sucks!

Well, now that I think about it, to hear me speak is pretty tormenting, too, since I sound like a fucking redneck from Alabama, which I......*sigh* Nevermind.

Plus, and I kid you not, I can read the dictionary and the thesaurus like regular books. I wish I had a holster in which I could carry those two books at all times. Everything else to me is useless. I like looking up words JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT. I'm also infamous for correcting peoples' grammar, which gets pretty annoying...well, for other people. For me, it's like a fun game in which the victim suffers.

Anyway, I really appreciate the comments. Really, I do. It makes me WANT to write more. I like knowing that people read. It means even more when people actually comment. If I write about you, hey, guess what? You're on a blag! I won't say I don't dog anyone out on here, because me, you, God and the rest of the internet know that's not true. I write what I feel at the moment. Yes, feelings change. And, to those of you I've dogged (even repeatedly), my apologies. But, if you're a part of my life, you affect me. And, if you make it into my blog, congratulations - you're probably pretty important to me...or were, at one point.

I'd love to take creative writing. I'd love to expand my horizons on writing. I just feel as though it would be futile. They'd want me to write what THEY would want me to write, and I just won't do it. I'm not creative enough to make up stories - I can only use my own experiences. I...wouldn't even know where to start. I'm slightly daunted by the thought of someone criticizing my writing. It's along the same lines of being a vegetarian. I don't force the idea down YOUR throat - don't give me shit about what I think.

Plus, unless you're involved with me in some way, I'm pretty sure you have no interest in reading about Me.com or Me-ville or Jimmy-zilla or Jimmy Sumore. Even then, haha, you can only take so much! I'm the same way - I don't ever reread what I've written, unless it's for editing purposes. I can't stand it. It feels wrong.

So, yeah, if anyone has any ideas or money to help cultivate my so-willed "talents," please let me know. Because the only thing I can afford to do right now is work and do my damndest to keep up on bills. I have so many other plans for my life, but I can't seem to get a leg up, even onto a tiny curb, just to get a break. Plus, I'm pretty obstinate when it comes to asking for help - I've fought my way through these past ten years without Mom, and I refuse to falter now.

Although, winning the lottery, so that I could have a little time to myself wouldn't hurt a bit. &=)

Anyway, thanks again for your compliments - all of them. I wish more people would comment. And, as always "CONSTRUCTIVE" criticism is appreciated. "Destructive" is not and will be treated as such. If you don't like what I write, don't read it. It's really pretty easy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over. The fact that you care enough to read is praise enough. Some days, I do feel as though I'm repressing talents I might actually have...but I can't afford anything else. I've wasted the most important times of my life - on nothingness. And, most of it is time I regret - time I can't get back. I've made some wonderful memories and met some wonderful people, and those are the things on which I thrive now.

Maybe someday, I'll write the great stream-of-consciousness novel, and I'll dedicate it to you. Because it's your fans who help keep you going.

Thank you.