23 more days

I wish I didn't care that you don't love me anymore.

But, it hurts.

I do miss you, incredibly, but I can't be who you want me to be. Not right now, and probably not ever.

Eventually, I'll be just a memory to you - to many of you.

One day, I'll find someone to fill that void.

Or not.



Just to let you know, I woke up this morning as a paraplegic. No, not seriously, but almost. I always sleep on my stomach, and when I went to turn over, I, like, couldn't. The pain in my hip and both legs was so severe, I almost started to cry. I know I cry at every other thing known to man, but that's usually emotional. I don't cry at pain unless it's severe enough.

So, I called into work, which I know SUPER-pissed my boss off. Oh, well - if I can't move, I can't drive. I called the doc's office, and his nurse, Wynne, eventually called me back. She said that because of the weather, I'm experiencing arthritic pain, and since I'm still so early out of surgery, it's going to be really, really severe. I told her that the torodol he had prescribed me in place of the lortab wasn't doing anything, so she's called me in some tylenol 3 - we'll see how that does. She said that NSAIDS hinder bone growth, so that's why I can't take that kind of stuff while I'm healing.

She said my hip WILL get better in time, and my knee will get better once I get back to full range of motion and do PT and stuff. She also told me I have to - get this - SLOW DOWN. I really had thrown myself back into work full force the past three days, and I was ok, except I kept passing out from exhaustion every day I'd get home. She said, "yeah, that's a sign that you're doing too much, jennifer." I was like, yeah, yeah, ok. Then she threw in the, "you don't want to have to go BACK to surgery for this, do you?," so I was like, ok, I got it.

So, this weekend, I have to stay OFF my feet and keep ice on my knee. She really didn't want me to go to work tomorrow, but I told her I had to. So she wrote me a light duty notice and sent it to Chris.

Dammit. I hate this. But, hey, at least it's over and done with. If they can just help me set up in surgery, I think I'll be fine working the c-arm, but somehow, I'm sure they won't even let me do that. God, I'm going to be answering the phone and taking messages.

I'm NOT a secretary. And, I DON'T want to get paid to sit around and look gorgeous.

So, all day, I've been icing the knee and laying around, doing N-O-T-H-I-N-G. And, it sucks. I'm addicted to work. I was so glad to be back. I've got a metric ton of dishes to do, but standing up hurts. Hell, going to the bathroom hurts. Rolling over in the bed makes me wince. And, now there's nothing on tv, because of the stupid Siegelman/Scrushy sentencing. I hate that guy. Both of them. Pth.

Ok, this is a totally boring post, but once again, this helps me and others keep up with my recovery. I might go out and stay with my family this weekend, but we'll see. I have to get out there somehow. I really want to get better, so I'm going to have to do what they say. Also, I still haven't found a place, and I'm not in the best shape to go look, so I'm on the right side of screwed.


I thought I had it all figured out, but once again, I did everything in the backasswards order. There are things, kinda like this, that it's not good that I don't have a mom/significant other/guardian/caretaker/zookeeper. Heather can only do so much, because she has her own life and family, and I can't expect her to drop everything for me. All my friends are busy, and I'm not good at needing help - it's my least favorite thing in the world.

Ok, let me go SIT and sort laundry. This is ridiculous. I hate recovering. I hope I never have to have surgery again. Next time, they might just need to keep me in a coma until I'm all better.

Oh, and so far, Siegelman got 7 yrs in jail, a $50k fine, $181k restitution, & 500 hrs community service.

I'm hoping Scrushy will get the chair.

Oh, he gets 82 mos - gay.


me & my true love

My uncle just sent me the world's best picture. I've been having a really rough couple of weeks. This is the kind of stuff that makes me know that I have a special kind of wind that inflates my sails, and I'm ok with that.


vampires needed

Guess what? I'm addicted to giving blood!

We're having a drive at the UAB North Pavilion (hint, hint) from July 2-July 6. My appointment is July 6 at 4p, after I get off work. That way I can pass out at the wheel of my car on the way home, as opposed to at work.

I love doing this! Why didn't anyone tell me how awesome this is???

I'm also getting ready to try to enroll myself in a buttload of these UAB studies they offer in the UAB Reporter. In my opinion, the best way to *stop animal testing* (aside from just not doing it) is to offer up thine own self for the sacrifice.

I did the HPV vaccine, back when it was still in its early days, and now my aunt's girls are getting them. To think that I could have been instrumental in their protection or the saving of their lives makes me very proud to do this.

In case anyone was curious, I'm A+...just FYI.
Oh, and I just found out Heather and her whole family are A+, too! How COOL is that?!??!

That makes me smile. &=)

updated update - no reason

Current mood: crushed

Just to update my update, Heather said it's ok to have days where you just can't stop crying, especially when you have reasons to be sad...or not.

Today is my day.

Tomorrow's forecast is about 100% showers, too.

Too bad I can't contribute to the relief of the drought.

S'cuse me - I have to get a new roll of toilet paper. I have to wade through the other two rolls to get more.

*My rebirth is in the very near future*

I have to say, thank God for the friends I have left, no matter how crappily I treat them. I love you guys. Thanks for putting up with me.


Back to work!

Current mood: cynical

Well, here I am - back at work. Everything is just about the same. My boss still hates me, but that's normal. We have new timeclocks, the door has been taken off the darkroom down in the OR, and there's a computer down there (yet still no digital processor, which would have been the thing to get BEFORE the computer), and I only had one "get well" card from anyone in the hospital, of course, the person I talk to the absolute least (my department didn't send me ANYTHING). Most of my welcome backs came from the OR, where I'm actually appreciated. And that, by my standards, is perfectly fine!

Oh yeah, and the welcome back from my boss consisted of, "Why are you on a crutch? I thought you were back with no restrictions."

Thanks, buddy.

I did my first case, and of course, everyone wanted to baby me and hug me and push everything around for me, but I was like, "come on, guys - I'm totally good. It was my knee, not my arm."

Also, my doctor who I normally do most of my surgery cases with just had hip replacement surgery here today! I couldn't believe it - I actually thought he was going to have his surgery while I was out. But I came in and checked the schedule and saw his name on there, so I hobbled down to surgery as fast as I possibly could. I wanted to see him pre-operatively, but they had already put him under and were prepping, so I just went in and hugged his head (everybody did the "awwww").

He just came out a little bit ago, so I went to see him in recovery, and he's just as loopy as I was. He kept falling asleep, and when he'd snore, he'd wake up and say, "I can't seem to control my glottis!" He said his thigh was hurting, and when they'd give him morphine, he'd say he could feel it all in his chest, which is exactly what the dilaudid did for me.

Everyone in recovery was kidding me and giving me a hard time about when I was there. They said I talked the entire time, and hugged everybody, and got all excited when people would come to see me. Of course, everyone kept asking, "do you remember when...?" I just kept telling them that the last thing I remember was riding down the hallway, going to the OR suite, vague, blurry memories of the hospital room, then being at various houses here and there, during my recovery.

Real surgery is a kick, dude. I'm not scared of it at all. That's hilarious to me, since I used to be petrified of having to have my appendix removed.

It's so weird, thinking that just a few weeks ago, I was looking so forward to having it done. Now, here I am - it's over and done with, and life is back to normal. Well, with several changes, both warranted and unfortunate.

But there's many, many more changes to come. I don't know who will remain a part of my life and who will be left behind. I can't keep living with so many memories that continue to hurt and haunt me. I want so desperately to be happy, but these shackles of sorrow that I drag around weigh me down more than any of you can imagine. Ok, I say that metaphorically. I just mean, none of you know know of the troubles of my mind. You can only truly know of your own suffering.


I think I'm ready to have a normal-ish life. A loving husband who adores me more than the world itself, some little kidlets and pets running around, a house, and the ability to travel and expand my family's worldliness. My dream is to have the kind of family who travels around, helping others, volunteering, working for the betterment of other people, animals and the environment, while still having close, tight ties with our families. Now, you know my secret. That's all I've ever wished for. And, I still feel, for some reason, that I should settle for nothing less.

Will I ever get that? I don't know. The longer time goes on, the more I begin to doubt. I've only loved twice in my life. I don't regret either man. I only regret my actions were less than desireable, and that makes me sad. That saying that hindsight is 20/20 is constantly stuck in my head - unfortunately, always too late.

The definition is: "Perfect understanding of an event after it has happened; - a term usually used with sarcasm in response to criticism of one's decision, implying that the critic is unfairly judging the wisdom of the decision in light of information that was not available when the decision was made."

Nonetheless, God made me, not in His image, but as He made me. All I can do is strive to be better and correct myself, every new day of my life. Hence all the upcoming changes.

But updates will follow, of course.

As for now, BACK TO WORK! *whips crashing*

Currently reading : The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread
By Kate Dicamillo


how many roads...

Current mood: tearful

how many times does your heart break before it no longer resembles a heart?

how long before it stops working?

how many times do you have to disappoint people before they just learn to stop counting on you?


non-suicidal suicide note

Current mood: depressed

Some "stuff" has been going down, and I'll just say, I've had a really, really rotten past couple of days. I took a whole bunch of crap to help me sleep and forget last night, and after I took all that stuff, I realized that I didn't take into consideration whether or not any of it would interact with other stuff. So I posted a "non-suicide" suicide note on my computer screen, in case I somehow died in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, as I write this, here I am. Awake at 4a in the morning, and still pissed and hurting. No need, really, to go into what caused this. It's all irrelevant now.

Anyhow, here's my note. Just a little something to make the autopsy go smoothly:

In case anyone finds this, and I'm subsequently dead, this was not suicide, although I'm sure when I wake up in the morning, I'll have wished otherwise. Merely the steeping of the pain of the loss of love. I took 2 lortab, 2 klonopin, a toporal, half a celexa, my calcium, and about a third of that bottle of malibu rum in the freezer. If anyone wants to know what I ate, it was pretzels & gatorade. Let's just say it's a low point for me right now. I already feel like vomitting. Pain level for my hip is about a 7, knee is a 3.

Any other info about me can be found in any of the yearly labelled boxes around my apartment or in my storage shed at my aunt's house. Unfortunately, you probably won't find anything shocking or interesting. For that, I'm sorry.

Please make sure my girls (who should remain together, be that they're sisters), my mom's ashes, and my Allie cat are appropriately cared for. My pictures - fuck 'em - they're memories. Memories I don't even care about anymore.

I love you guys, and I'm sorry for being me. I wish I could have been a better me. Tell my kids I love them - Erica, Shelby, Austin & Braxton - you were the reason for my every existence. But you're growing up now, and you're all intelligent and beautiful - I know you'll be ok. Just remember that your Jimmy loves you, and I always will. Grammy, Amy, Gordon, Mark and Diane - I could never really express what you guys meant to me. This family...the distance has been so hard on me. But coming home would have been even harder. Mom and Aaron were there. And of course, Phil was here. All my adult life, I've felt lost, with very little direction or discipline. I love my mom more than anything in the world, but she never gave me appropriate guidance, helping me to segues into a healthy adult life. My life only existed within her boundaries. And that's fucked me up my entire life. No matter - I'd never have chosen another mother. Not a whole lot of people really understand me. Not even me.

Sean and Heather were my friends - my true friends. Heather was my best friend. She was one of my substitute moms. There were so many times when I was in pain, that she'd just wrap me up in one of her quilts and just hug me and let me cry it out. We grew apart when her kids were born. But no matter - she was always there. She supported me when I thought I had no one else. There are people who have been here for me, people I've neglected to mention, and I'm sorry, but my coherency is fading fast. There aren't words in the world that can explain my people. Beyond perfection. Beyond caring. Beyond luck. They were my people, and I couldn't have asked for anything more, but to be a better person myself. I'm so sorry. And I love you all. There are times I cry myself to sleep, thinking about how I feel my heart will burst from how much I love everyone.

This will be one of those nights.

Thank you for loving me. Please forgive my indiscretions.


Back Me Up

I'm in the market for a new template for my blag.

Let me know if you have any ideas.

I'm leaning towards dandelions - but I dunno. You know how I am - complete commitaphobe.

Also, check out my new "Stop Puppy Mills" banner - please click to sign the petition, or visit HSUS - Stop Puppy Mills! to find out more. There are even tips on finding responsible and compassionate breeders, if you're looking for a specific breed of dog.

Our Jezzy girl came from Blue Ridge Boxer Rescue, which covers North and South Carolina. It was quite a drive to pick her up, but I'd fly all the way across the world for her, if I had to!

Always research and take responsibility!


up late & bored


It's 2:45 vormittags, and I'm wide awake. Thank God I have another 2 weeks off. I swear I didn't think my rehab would take this long. I mean, it has only been 10 days. Today, I was bitching on the way out to the car that my leg still wasn't strong enough. Heather was like, "Would you shut up? You just saw the doctor 10 MINUTES AGO." Fine, fine.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm a horrible patient?

And, I just noticed that my hair is getting really long again. At first, I wanted to keep the length and go completely red, but now I just want to cut it and bleach it all through, but I'm not sure yet. I haven't decided. It's got to be interesting enough, though, that I'll dig it. I don't like having boring hair. I can't believe I'm up at 3 por la maƱana researching freaking hair.

God, my knee is killing me. Dr Stannard gave me tramadol to take in place of the lortab, so I'll have to see if that helps my stomach any. Oh yeah, I haven't updated a whole lot, but the bottom line is that my reflux has started acting up and almost killed me since my ER visit on Saturday. Who the hell knows what THAT means. It's like, every time I have surgery, I always have these "complications" that pop up, that don't have ANYTHING to do with my surgery. That's great. That's so me.

*Gak* Even now, I'm burping up stomach acids. Mmmmm....makes me want to eat a weenie with onions and follow that with a big glass of warmed buttermilk.

Crap. And there's nothing on tv at all. Why wouldn't they consider this prime television time? I mean, what about all the insomniacs? Why push them aside? Do they not need entertainment as well?

Ok, I'm really reaching to find things to talk about, so I'd better wrap this up. Thus has been my life for the past 8-10 days. Pain meds do not make me happy. I'd never function well as a druggie. I'm still squeamish about sticking patients. The first patient I ever stuck was for an IVP, and I passed out ON her and hit my head on the x-ray tube. I try to leave the sticking to the pros.

God, I'll be glad to go back to work. I could never not have a job for a living, because I'm way too easily deterred and lazed by these periods of inactivity. When I worked 7on/7off, the 7 off was awesome for doing stuff, but going back to those 10 hours days on that 7 on made you want to kill people by the second day.

Ok, 3 diphenhydramines later, imma lay down again - see if I can possibly sleep while it's dark at all. Sun comes up in a couple of hours, and with the weather the way it's been, it heats my room like a sauna. So, I've been dragging into the hallway or the kitchen in the middle of the day.

Nothing like waking up with Raisin Bran in your shorts and cat food in your hair.


A positive, overly-dramatic, codependent, ESTP...and you are?

I just got my blood donor card in the mail. For the first time in my 29 years of life, I now know that I am:

A Positive

This means I can donate to:
  • A Positive
  • AB Positive
And I can receive:
  • A Positive
  • A Negative
  • O Positive
  • O Negative

According to the Red Cross website (http://www.givelife2.org/aboutblood/bloodtypes.asp), my blood type is the second most common in caucasians.

Here are some other interesting blood facts:

  • Positive blood can receive Positive or Negative blood.
  • You have to match type A with A and B with B.
  • O is neutral, so it can be donated to anyone.
  • AB+ can receive any kind of blood, it is a Universal Receiver.
  • O- can be donated to anyone, it is a Universal Donor.

Also, I assume that because I received the card in the mail, that my blood was in no way tainted. Not that I thought it was - it's just one of those things that can make you hold your breath for a minute.

Just thought I'd put it here, because I know in less than 13 hours, I will have forgotten. Also, I think it's cool because I have a card.

"It's ok! I'm a blood donor! A+!"

Also, just to mark this momentous occasion, I went to the doc today, and they hooked me up with the TROM brace. My knee still feels like a tiny noodle kitty leg or something. But I did make it out to the mailbox in my brace and only one crutch, so that's pretty awesome. It took for-freaking-ever, but I did it. And, I only tripped once. As for inside the apartment, well...that's another story...land mines everywhere. I've only nearly killed myself, falling over these damn crutches, at least 3 times a day. Plus, no matter where I prop them, the earth has an extremely strong gravitational pull on them. Otherwise, my head has a magnet in it.

Ok, I just attempted to raise my leg, to straighten it out, like I've been doing all day, since I've had this ridiculous thing on, and I actually made a noise...out of my mouth. Not my knee. So, I better go take some drugs. I'm having to actively switch positions to get comfortable, and that's not a good sign.

Will update more soon. Still no pics - soon, though.


Regina Spektor - Fidelity

This is so frustrating to me, hearing this great stuff, knowing only that there's more out there just like it...or better.

If you've ever been in love or ever been me, you'll totally understand this song. Plus, the music is incredibly simple, but so fitting. The video is just as beautiful.

Regina Spektor - Fidelity

(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind, all of these voices
I hear in my mind, all of these words
I hear in my mind, all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
Well, it breaks my heart

And suppose I never, ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never, ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never, ever saw you
Suppose you never, ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course it's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind, all of these voices
I hear in my mind, all of these words
I hear in my mind, all this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

I hear in my mind, all of these voices
I hear in my mind, all of these words
I hear in my mind, all of this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

Breaks my heart
Breaks my heart

Lots of things break my heart. I'm an emotional person. Always have been - always will be.

What breaks my heart is that I can't always be who I want to be. I can't take back the horrible things I've done. I'm forced to live with guilt of which I can't let go. Why is that? Even now, my stomach is in knots, thinking about being in the arms of the person that I love, despite our differences. How much do you have to push? How much should you give up? How many roads should a person travel? At what point do you stop being yourself and just become an extension of someone else?

Does any of this even matter as long as you're happy?


Leaving home, again

Okey doke. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm headed out to my grandmother's house, to let her take care of me for a bit. I managed to, in a fit of drug-induced, pain-free rage clean my house last night, or at least pick up everything that I had messed up when I got home, stopped feeling well, and stopped using garbage cans.

I feel ok, now, but I'm still having some of those weird stomach pains from last night. I just have to be really careful about what I take, when and with what. See, I haven't really talked a lot about my visits, because I can't stand to sit in this chair for extended amounts of time. And, I'm still not going to do it. But the ER doc from last night, Dr. Bowen, gave me this stuff that I can take every 8 hrs, called Levsin, and apparently that's what's helping with my severe stomach spasms. I've still got 2 hours till I can take it next, and believe you me, I'm counting them down.

This stuff is so bad, it gets in my arms and stuff, and it feels almost like I'm having a heart attack. And to those of you who automatically google the terms "drama queen" and "hypochondriac" when I say that, screw you. This shit hurts so badly, that's why I started panicking so much yesterday, when it WOULDN'T STOP. It's all up under my rib cage, it makes me nauseated, it runs around to my back and into my arms. So bite me. I didn't MAKE it do this. It just hurts like hell, and there's nothing I can do to control it. This is the first time I've ever felt anything like this. I have reflux, and I know exactly what that feels like, and this is NOTHING like reflux. It's like 5000x worse.

I almost wish they would have kept me in the hospital, because I don't know how long this is supposed to last, or if this is just some new, undiscovered, latent disease trying to stay dormant for my 30th birthday. Frigging goodie. And for me to WANT to stay in the hospital...that's a pretty big deal. It just gets so bad, and I can't control it, can't make it stop, can't turn it down, and it just burns and hurts and sears my insides. At least when they'd give me that dilaudid, the med would hit me almost immediately and squelch that burning sensation.

I guess hell has changed it's address. Now all bad people go to my stomach.

Ok, I have to go pack. I don't know how long I'm going to be out there, but I'm really terrified to be away from the hospital. At least I have this magic medicine - the Levsin. I don't have to pack big, though. It's not like I've been changing clothes or bathing or anything. *sigh* But I have my recheck on Wednesday, which I'm totally stoked about. As it turns out, I'm pretty sure he's going to have to put me in rehab, because my leg no longer functions of it's own volition. It just sort of dangles there, looking stupid. I can walk without my crutch, and I try to sometimes, because I don't want it to be completely useless when it turns out I'm actually going to need it after all.

All this for a damn kneecap. Just so you know, I told him to take the whole stupid thing out. He just kept mumbling something about "important" and "functions as a fulcrum," yadda, yadda, yadda - you know how doctors are.

Kiss my drama-queen ass

Another quickie -

Ended up in the ER late this afternoon with the worst stomach pains imaginable. I'm out now, though, and I'm feeling world's better.

I'll try to update all this soon. Can't stay in my chair right now, though - dilaudid making everything blurry.


Lortab reporting

Brief post -

I had my surgery. I've been spending the last days, recouping at various houses, but I'm home now.

As for this very second, I'm in some killer-ass pain. I was kicking, when I first got out of the hospital, but now, the high has worn off, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to die.

I just need to thank my aunt for doing all that she's done for me this week. She's driven to Birmingham every single day this week, just to help me out, and I can't thank her enough! And thanks to the kids for coming over and entertaining me and taking care of me while I was down. It seems like I've only gotten worse, but I'm just not used to not being able to get around on my own. That, and I'm still in this straight-leg brace for another 5 days. And I need a shower.

Right now, I'm just going to let the lortab do the work, and I'm laying down. I'm freaking exhausted from recovering...

Ps. I just had my first post-surgical depression breakdown. Jammy hooked one of her claws into the hip where I had surgery. OMFG. If I don't die from cat-scratch, I may drown from my own tears. Just in case you didn't get me the first time, I'm fucking hurting.


Post-Operative Thanks

Post-surgical greetings to everyone! I'm fully and completely under the influence of lortab, delaudid, morphine and percocet, so I shouldn't be expected to make any important decisions for the next couple of weeks.

Just a very brief update to let you know that I did make it through surgery. In fact, everyone kept commenting on how pleasant I was, and when I woke up in recovery, I was laughing, joking, smiling and hugging everyone! Unfortunately, I can't remember much past them wheeling me into the OR. Apparently, I called Heather several times to let her know that I was ok. And my boss. And some other people. And to those of you who have received repeated affirming conversations, I am sorry.

As for the stay in my hospital, that left A LOT to be desired, but I'll go into full detail about that later. I'm about to get a DUI by Shelby, though, if I don't go upstairs and go to bed soon. Stay tuned, though, because we have some really disgusting pictures to take. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone heeded my request to take pictures during my surgery, which is a disappointment to me. But no one really gets the fact that we're that whole "we take pictures of EVERYTHING" kind of family. I mean, for krab's sake, I posted a picture of the underwear I was wearing to surgery.

But also, I'd like to mention that I have several HUNDRED of people to thank. My family, of course, for being here for me, and just hanging out and making me feel better. This includes Amy, Mark, Shelby, Austin, Braxton and Erica. My aunt Diane even brought my grandmother, my cousin Katy, and her son Micah, to see me after surgery yesterday. That was a pleasant surprise.

Of course, I have to thank Heather for letting us close in and take over her house while she's gone. I know she feels terrible for not being here, but just the fact that she's offering her house, so we won't have to stay at my crappy apartment...well, SHE knows what that means to me, so that's good enough. Plus, I know she's going to totally dote over me when she gets back, so I'm looking forward to that! LMAO! I love you so much, HJ!

My friend Honey Lee Longgrear has also played a huge part in my recovery process. Not only did she offer me up at church to be prayed over, but she's visited me both days, has called to check up on me, and even brought me a present today! She has a lot going on in her own life, since she's about to get married. So, for her to use her time to visit me and make sure I'm well taken care of means more than I can even properly express.

And of course, thank you to all the people who have called me or stopped by to visit. If I miss a name, PLEASE know that I can't even remember if I went to the restroom 5 minutes ago:

Lynn Kilgore, Chris Cumbest, Stella Daniell, Terri Bayles, Carolyn Johnson, Martha Martin, Kristi Weathers, Sheryl Sheppard, Danny Cope, Donna Martin, Paula Buchanan, Paul Watkins...ohhhh crap, see? I already know I'm leaving a WHOLE bunch of people out. I'M SORRY, PEOPLE!!!!!

I do have to set aside a special thanks to my OR team - Marti Reece worked my case, Wendy Davis circulated my room, and Gary Powell was my CRNA, and he did a hell of a job. Chris Johnson helped Dr. James Stannard, and just so you know, even though I'm bruised from ankle to hip, they did a great job, especially closing. ALL my stitches are internal, and it looks fabulous. The scar on my knee is about as long as your middle finger, and the one of my hip is about half that size. Seth Rosenzweig, my discharging resident, said the bruising on my hip is a little more than usual and looks like it was developing a good-size hematoma, but to keep an eye on it, and if it gets any bigger, I'm to come back in.

As for the hospital experience itself, well...THAT left a LOT to be desired, but I'll touch on that later. It's a little after 2a, and I've taken my second dose of loritab, so I really need to lay down and work that ice again. It actually feels good, because like I told the kids, my hip aches, but it feels like someone's built a tiny campfire on my kneecap. It's to be expected, though. All-in-all, having just been through somewhat major surgery, I feel FANTASTIC!!!! I'm so glad it's over with, and I wasn't the least bit nervous. I knew that God would take care of me, and I knew that all my people were professional and intelligent enough to do the right things to take special care of me, and I really appreciate that. My OR experience was phenomenal, and I'm so lucky to work with such a great group of people!

Thank you to everyone!!!!!! I appreciate every, single one of you, and have given you all special thought. Thank you so much for being there for me when I needed you! I hope I can exceed everyone's expectations from now on as an exemplary employee, as well as a friend to those who need me.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for really gross pics, a much more detailed description of my overnight visit to my hospital, and why I'll probably never go back...


Sayonara, folks!

Alrighty, this is about as clean as I've ever been in my life.

I'm getting ready to lay down, but we're getting up about 430a, to head to the horsepital. My family is here, and we've had fun just bumming around on my last day...alive.

Just kidding. I'm ok. I'm not even worried. I AM a little keyed up, so I had to take some benadryl to make me sleepy. Just waiting for that to kick in. But me and the boys are about to go lay down in the living room and watch tv. The girls are sleeping in the downstairs, and Mark and Amy are sleeping in Heather and Lee's room. Heather called just a few minutes ago to wish me luck and let me know that they're all settled in at the townhouse in St. Simon's. I MISS HER ALREADY!!!

Ok, so this is my last post with "bug knee." The next time I talk to you guys, I will have a real knee!!! I'm so frigging excited. This is a pivotal point in my life, so I'm really looking forward to the change it's going to bring, physically.

As usual, everything else requires tons of constant surveillance.

Oh, well.



Pre-Pre-Op Activities

Yay! I had an ok day today! Unfortunately, it was the last time I'm going to see Heather for a WEEK! &=(

It was totally boring this morning - I slept all morning long, after letting the girls out on the balcony. I sort of did some thing around here, but hell, who am I kidding? I'm not pushing myself. My meds are all effed because of finances and crap, but I'm actually not in the hole this paycheck. I had backed out of my pedicure this morning, because I knew it wouldn't be a good idea with my money as tight as it is.

Anyway, Heather IM'd me later in the day and asked how I was doing, if I was nervous, and kept apologizing about not being there on Monday. We started talking, and she said when Lee got back with Grant, she would come get me, and we'd go get manicures and pedicures! I know she feels bad because she's not going to be here, so I begged her not to do this to soothe her conscience, because I really am ok. I'm not even worried, because I know every, single person who works in surgery, pre-op, recovery, anesthesia, etc.

So, she came and picked me up, and we went to the Galleria and went to the "Nail Shop" in there. I was horribly embarrassed though, because I haven't shaved my legs for, like, two weeks, and I'm not going to until tomorrow night. If I shave often, it makes my legs all stubbly and razor-burned and stuff. So, apparently I'd rather go out in public with hairy legs. Blech. The little Vietnamese lady doing my pedi tried to make me feel better by pulling up her pants and showing me HER hairy legs. I still didn't feel any better, sitting next to the tan, svelte, rich lady. The bottoms of my jeans were soaked when I got done - oh well. So, I've got french manicures on my fingers and toes! I look like a GIRL!!! &=D

I have the worst extremities ever, but I'm posting these anyway...

When we were leaving, I made Heather stop in JC Penney with me, so I could get some new underwears - I mean, your mom teaches you that, right? To always wear clean underwear in cause you're in an accident. Or nude at work. So, I got some black frilly stuff with pink cherries! &=) If anyone sees under my anything, I want to make sure it matches. In fact, I'm gonna take a picture of it.

Yay! Cute!

Ok, that was totally unnecessary. I'm just the most non-matching underwear person ever. I'm always excited to get new stuff. Monday's going to be even better, cause I'm getting a new knee! Well, not a new knee. Just a souped-up knee. "Pimp My Knee"
It's almost 10p. I might lay down for a bit, then go to Wal-Mart later. I really loathe that place, so it's always a toss up between going when there's a billion people or going when all the freaks are there.

Either way, you never win. Unfortunately, "big business" does.