Left behind...thank God.

Incidentally, just to prove why I'm glad I'm not going to Huntsville, here's a letter to demonstrate what I'm leaving behind there:

I have no intention of beleiving in your lies ever again. And I wont allow myself to be subject to your mood swings. I dont expect you to apologize or anythign else for that matter. If you understood why you do thew things you do then you wouldnt have done them. Yes, I am bitter. I have a right to be and I will be. I would have done anythign you asked if only you could have treated me right and you couldnt. You were too busy being hormonal, between meds, injured, or just plain bitchy and tired for no other reason than because you were tired. I hope there is somsoen that can be with you for all of you versions of  you and I hope that you are happy. There was evena time where I would have done anythign to help you be happy even at my own expence. I never wanted to love anyone again and youve reminded me why. Thank you.

For the record, I don't know most of what he's talking about.  This guy likes to fight just to fight.  And, you all know I'm a lover, not a fighter.

By the way, this is the guy who left me hanging any time I had a depressive episode - apparently, it cramped his style.

I know, I know - moving up there?  What the hell was I thinking?  Yeah, we all have those moments, right?

So, anyway, ummmm.....thoughts?

Where to start...where to end

So, I'm not going to Huntsville.

Everything kind of fell apart, but I can't admit that I'm not partially relieved.  I just got an email from Dave, saying that he has a patient who's going to Kenya in September to set up a water purification system.


This is it.  This is what's supposed to happen.  There's a training center in Mississippi, so I may be moving after all.

I didn't know where to start, but I just let God help me stand, and He's leading me.  I'm almost beside myself with anticipation.

I know I haven't really been very communicative about what I've wanted from my traveling, but this is it.  The fact that people live and die on this earth, without ever tasting clean, fresh water, while we take a couple of sips from a bottle of water and throw it away - it's almost too much for me to bear. (Yes, and to keep myself from beating the crap out of someone for it.)

So, first, this.  Then, Kenya.  Then, Sudan?  Who knows?  I'm hoping that this will open some serious doors for me.  Because THIS is what I want to do.  I don't want to work in xray.  I don't mind the healthcare aspect, and I wouldn't mind taking xrays somewhere else.  But, I want to do THIS.  I want to help those who can't help themselves.  And, I don't want to do it in the comfort of my junky apartment, in Birmingham, Alabama, in the United States.  I want to venture out into other cultures, into war-torn countries.  I want to see my Bosnian friends.  I want to learn other languages.  I want to communicate with them.  I want to stand side-by-side with others, fighting against their oppressors.  I want to be a vessel of the Lord, bringing relief to others.

And, I don't even care about getting paid.

I just want to know that I can do this for the rest of my life, comfortably, so that others don't have to worry about having a meal or rest or medicine.  What have these people done for me?

Why?  Why does it have to be for gain?  Why is it always tit for tat?  Is greed that prevalent that you can't give consideration to the LIVES OF OTHERS???

Meh, don't get me started.  I've been getting ramped up on some serious soapbox issues tonight (eg. why don't you actually tell the people you love that you love them, instead of letting it go unsaid?  is it that hard to verbalize?  does it super-weeniefy you if you say it out loud?  really?  you need help.), so I should probably stop here, since it's so late.

I'm really excited.  &=)

I'm actually pretty speechless.  This is almost too good to be true.  This is why I was supposed to stay here.

I don't care your faith - just keep me in your thoughts, your meditations, your prayers, whatever.  This is really important to me, and I'd really like to get the ball rolling.

I love you guys. &=)  (see, I said it &=P)

We'll talk more, soon...

Ps. Thank you, Dave.  You'll always be my brother in Christ.  I'm so thankful to have you as a part of my life.


I had no idea you were so fertile!

My wonderful, beautiful friend Holly is pregnant, again! This is number 5!!!!

Congratulations, angel! I'm so very happy for you!

Maybe now you guys should think about getting a television or investing in another hobby! &=D

Ps. All those kids better be enrolled in clogging by the time the new baby turns one! You're wasting precious teaching time! Heck, after this one, you can make your own team! The Hudson Conglomerate! I hear Yellow Rose calling!!!!

Love you, girl!


Happy birthdays!

Oh, hey! I'm in a good mood today, and I'm not sure why! Also, no one has put me in a bad mood yet!

Also, today is my Baby B's birthday! He's nine today!!!! And, I don't want him to get any older!

Goosie turned 14 on the 13th, as did my friend Laura. Wait, Laura isn't 14. She's 32 - WOAH MY GOD! WE'RE 32 THIS YEAR!!!!! WTF IS GOING ON??!?!

Ugh, I hate getting older. Sometimes I just wish things would stay, you know?

Anyway, happy birthdays and belated birthdays to all my beloved angels! I love you guys SOOOOOO much, and I'm so very thankful to God every, single day for letting me be a part of your lives!!!!!!!

Braxton, we're going to have to figure something out for your birthday.

Goosie, I MIGHT have a surprise for you, if you're good and help your mom out around the house!

And, Laura - hell, we just need to go out! WHEN ARE YOU COMING HERE?????

I love you guys! I typed guts, actually! I love all of your guts, too! I love being in a good mood!!!!

I LOVE EVERYBODY!!!! Hugs and kisses all around!



Unsure, but not so.


Things are better.

But, they're different.

Hopefully, soon, they're going to be really, really different, but not in the way I had originally thought.

Well, we'll see.

The only good thing about today is that I get to leave work at 2p, for my dentist appointment. Well, this one I'm getting another TMJ splint. I had my teeth cleaned two days ago.

Anyway, I'll try to update this afternoon. Don't hold me to anything though...ever.