What do YOU think about?

I found this while looking something up (no, not a job), and I was laughing SO HARD at it, someone in Books, Beans & Candles asked me if I was okay. &=P I guess it is kinda strange, in a fairly quiet place, if someone is quietly heaving with laughter, with tears streaming down her face. Oops. &=P

*Obviously, the ones in bold red are the ones I can completely relate to and have at one time given deep thought to.

Also, I have a couple of my own to add:

- I'm sitting in a very tiny shop, working on the computer, and there's a man who came in here, and is sitting at a table alone, no books or computer and just staring at everyone. I think there ARE actually inappropriate places to go "people watching." This is one of those places.

- I hate when I've been listlessly gazing around, with nothing on my mind, I make eye contact with someone. I wonder if they think I've been staring at them and how long I was staring. (I also fear people can see me looking at them through my sunglasses.)

Btw, please add your own in the comments! I'm fascinated by the absolutely random things people think about!

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. That’s enough, Nickelback.

7. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

11. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. (I felt this way with Ghostbusters 2 recently).

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying

22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.

23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

33. I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

34. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

35. Bad decisions make good stories

36. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

42. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

43. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

44. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

48. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

52. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

54. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

56. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

58. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

59. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

61. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

62. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.


Anaphylaxis due to sorrow

This is not going to be easy.

I can already tell.

I took a handful of meds about 30 min ago, in the hopes that their cumulative effects would efficiently knock me out. No such damn luck.

Jack is agitated, I'm standing on the edge...aside from getting very little accomplished yesterday with moving, this has been the worst weekend I've had this year. I'm trying to be objective and adult about all this, and I can already see, it's not going to work out that way.

As harsh as this may sound*, and as many people it's liable to offend, you know I have nothing but real and true love in my heart for all of you, who have managed to stick by me over the years, even if it's only for my "incredibly entertaining and spontaneous wit," as one friend was recently quoted as saying.

(Seriously, WHERE do you guys come up with this stuff? Hey, I'm TOTALLY flattered, and it makes me smile, but I haven't the slightest idea how I'm any more entertaining than that horse who ended up spending the night in the alcove of a bank. Stuff happens, words come out of my mouth, I do things, and that's it - I pretty much follow the same patterns everyone else does.)

*I don't trust anyone. Once she's gone, there's no one on earth in whom I have that absolute and implicit trust. And, I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I NEED to have that one who is my complete, impartial sounding board. And, although there are people who love me (question your motives, please), there will never be another soul who is as absolutely intune with my life as she is. My friends are her friends. She knows my every thought. She can sort and separate every tear I've ever shed. We've had a friendship that could rival all others.

I would NOT be alive today, if it weren't for God's grace of letting me borrow her for a while.

But, why?

So, now, this lame human being will be left to the elements, tossed to and fro in a sea of distrust, untrustworthy emotions, lies, snakes, thieves, the selfish who seek only to build within themselves and only destroy all those external.

How can this happen, just from her moving 450 mi away, a 7-hour drive?

It will. Not because I want it to. But, I'm not big on relying on false hope. I'd rather be disappointed now, with the possibility of redemption in the future, rather than pretending it's all just going to be hunky-dory.

Already, the dynamics of our friendship have changed. No, I don't love her any less. I just suddenly feel like I've been inadvertently thrown from the airlock, without a tether. As I'm slowly floating away, I can see the friendship, as a whole, orbiting around what used to be our planet, our life together, in the inky, black void. But, eventually, time will take over, other friends come into play, LIFE goes on. Not much you can do but "stay in touch."

I wish everyone could understand what I'm talking about. I wish everyone had one of "THOSE" friends, the one whom you could call in 3a in the morning, if you drank too much and forgot where you parked your car; or to whom you can cry about dumb things, like Harry Potter's owl dying; or you can use the most random string of words, and she can always translate - because she always knows. She always understands.

She's the kind of person who, even within a week of meeting her, and you end up in the psych ward at the hospital, she'll shock you to death by voluntarily coming for a visit, armed with nothing but a card, a hug and a few encouraging words.

As eloquently as I'd like for things to come across, I don't know if there's ever another word I'm going to be able to say to her.

I just wish I could avoid the personal affront this is creating in my mind. I don't even want it to be an issue. But, I can't stop thinking about it. It wears me out. The crying is draining me. And, I've lost that awesome fire that was stoked, when I got my apartment. This has created an angry mark of dispair, that now stains everything.

I don't want to tell her these things, because I don't want to hurt her. I'd give my life for her to never have another tear fall from her eye, to never experience another ounce of pain. I guess that's why I'm telling myself. Once again, though - I don't trust anyone. Not even me.

I know that I can never give her back what's she's given to me - unwaivering support. And, there's no sense in me even trying, because any of my attempts would seem so trite and "pedestrian."

Haha, I can't even use that word without wanting to laugh, but all that seems to be coming out are these stinging, hurtful tears, laced with feelings of betrayal and anger. My throat is coated in mourning, and I feel like if I say anything, all that would come out would be a sad hymn of the loss of innocence. My brain pounds with good memories and bad. My heart skips beats for all the time we didn't make the most of.

I'm so sorry. This won't make sense to any of you, and I apologize. The way I describe it, it's like I'm watching her die or that I'll never see her again. I wish I could simplify my feelings about her, but the only thing I can possibly relay is, I've always put a LOT of stock in having friends and then, a BEST friend. I may say someone is one of my best friends, but that friend has nothing on Heather. It's just because somehow, Heather and I have always had this special connection, this level on which we alone function. There's nothing that I've ever requested of her, that she hasn't been more than willing to provide, no matter how heinous.

She's been my mother, my sister, my devil's advocate, my sounding board, my conscience, my everything...

I can only tell you that she's my very best friend in the world, and although I must, I don't want to do this without her. I'm losing her. She may still grant me the honorary gratis title, but nothing will ever be the same.

She's my best friend, and I love her. And, I'm scared to lose her.


My Life Hurts

I'm moving today.

I don't feel like it, though.

I just found out that my best friend is going to be moving back home to Brunswick, GA in April. So, I've officially had all the wind let out of my sails.

My wings have been clipped, and I'm laying on the ground, tired and naked and vulnerable.

Most of you won't understand why this is such a big deal to me, but I know there's a handful of you who will.

I'm defined by who she is. I am who I am, BECAUSE of her. I'm always hesitant to let so much of my being be attributed to the results of another person. But, it's true. Heather has seen me through the worst stent of my life, and I owe her everything.

Her husband, Lee, got the job at the new VA that's being built in Brunswick. Her family and all her old friends are also there, so I truly can understand why she wants to go back. If Pell City built a new hospital and I could get decent pay, I'd totally go back there - not because of the city, but because of my family (I don't think I have any friends back home). But, that's a difference between a 40-min drive and a 6-7-hr drive.

I knew this was in the works, and I knew Lee getting the job was inevitable. But, no matter how long I knew about it, I don't think there was any way I could have ever prepared myself for this.

I had hoped to amuse you with anecdotes about moving this weekend, but I hope you'll forgive me, as I withdraw back into the dark, interminable forest for a while. My heart is shattered, my hands are shaking, and the tears just won't stop falling. I had horrible, fitful sleep last night, where I woke up crying, tormented with horrible dreams. It was only after I had regained coherence that I realized that all the nightmares were true, and she really is leaving.

As usual, I'm not looking for pity. I'm just asking for your patience. I may be a strong person, but it doesn't come without a dreadful price. I'm only talking about it, now, because it's the most important thing I have going on. I was excited about moving to my new apartment...but now I can barely move my arms. I feel like I've done something very horrible to deserve this - and, yes, my heart is already trying to cut ties. My friend Kristin was here last night, helping me pack, when I got the news. Kristin said it's just that reactionary "cut all ties before you get hurt anymore." I understand. Even before I had hung the phone up, I'd already started to resent her.

None of that matters, though. All the little stuff is just feelings and crap, and it's all very trite. In the overall big picture, I just want her to be happy, and I know this will make her happy. It would make me happy, too. I could hear the happiness in her voice, in the brief moment we were on the phone.

I can hardly hold my head up, I'm so worn. I keep thinking that I don't know how many more trials through which I can possibly push myself. But, I suppose I'll live through as many of them as it takes.

I came upstairs, while Kristin was downstairs and cried out loud. I didn't cry to God - I'm mad at Him right now, even though it's not His fault. He's not doing anything to spite me...but I'm still mad. I just cried for sorrow. The girls came and got on the bed with me, and Jack whined from his crate. They know I'm hurting.

And, I am.

She wants to come over to help us pack today, but I don't want her to. Kristin said I should cherish the time I have left with her, but...I'm in so much pain.

I suppose I should be looking for bigger and better things to happen, now, but I can't even see through my own tears. I NEED time to mourn. And, I DON'T want to hear sermons or preaching or crap about friendship, because I just need time to hurt. I need time to cry. I need space to fall apart.

But, this time, I'll be putting my own pieces back together.


MY apartment, NOT his.

Lots to post, no time to sit and think.

I'm moving into my apartment this weekend! &=D Actually, my friend Paul helped me start moving on Wednesday. He said, "why don't you just call and see if you can get the keys today? Then, we can start moving things." So, I called, got my money order for my first month, filled out all my paperwork, and I got my keys that day!

I can't even begin to express how excited I am (infinitely)! &=) In fact, I don't have time to right now! I use lots of words, a fact of which I'm sure you are all aware.

But, I ran across this thing called Translation Party, where it translates things to Japanese and back to English, since our languages don't always decipher, one into the other, very well.

So, I put in:
I am moving into my apartment this weekend

And, here's what I got back:

1st trans to Jap:
1st trans back to Eng:
His apartment I am moving this weekend
2nd trans back to Jap: 彼のアパートに私はこの週末に移動午前
2nd trans back to Eng: I am moving into his apartment this weekend

Um, NO! I'm moving into MY apartment! ALLLLLLLL mine! &=)

Several people have commented on how happy I am. Someone said that he didn't think he'd EVER seen me this happy. That made me sad. (kidding) But, I realized that this has been more oppressive and burdensome than I had originally thought. I thought I was just...I don't know - me. Eventually, though, the high will wear off, and I'll be forced to cope with daily life, again.

But, right now, I'm having the time of my life! &=)

Jack's with Ralph - he's keeping him until next week. We'll get everything moved (no, I don't know how, yet), I'll bring the girls in to acclimate them, get my bed built (WOOHOO!!!!), get Jackson's crate cleaned and put back together, and we'll be ready to live! I'm so excited that we're going to all be on the same level (even though Mama has a door *wink*), because I think we'll be a lot better able to commune and get a little closer to each other...without Jammy always having the option to run downstairs and escape into the bathroom. &=P

I'm hoping that we'll get a lot done and maybe we can start unpacking things...which is a little weird to me - other people touching my things. But, it's okay. I want to get unpacked this time. I wouldn't mind making this place "home".... for a little while, at least. No more attic, no more boxes.

I can't wait. &=)