9.23.2006

my bday pic

this is me at my birthday with heather. we've gone to bahama breeze for my bday for the past two years, because they always have good drinks, and we drink and yak until they just about kick us out. i'm posting this, because apparently i have to post a pic in order to make one get on my profile. or not. maybe i have no idea what i'm talking about. who knows anymore?

9.22.2006

anudder survey

i meant to post this about a hundred years ago. oh well, here ya go.

this one is from my VERY good friend, paula:

Your name:
Jennifer Harper

Where did we meet:
Marc Broussard show, duh!

Take a stab at my middle name:
It begins with a b

How long have you known Me:
too long; hold on....3 years or so

Do I smoke:
only when you drink I think

What was your first impression of me upon meeting:
you looked so bored, felt sorry for you

Color of my eyes:
brown I think

Do I have any siblings:
nope

What's one of my favorite things to do:
being a drama queen

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:
have no idea, but I remember I introduced myself and that girl I was working with.

Do you think I am ghetto or conservative:
what the hell is this? Conservative people can be ghetto as hell.

What's my favorite type of music:
metal

What is the best feature about me:
your loyalty to friends

Am I shy or outgoing:
depends on who you're around

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
rebel to the point of driving people nuts

What's your favorite memory of me:
rockin out at korn

Any special talents:
driving people crazy, being hyper

Would you consider me a friend:
of course

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
jimmy the spazz

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring:
valium to keep you calm

the WHOLE pigtail story

(this was friday afternoon - it is now saturday)

i'm still sitting at work, bored to friggin' death. gould hasn't been calling for c-arm for any of his cases, except for one this morning, and that's really weird. so, i have nothing to do. except go around the hospital and steal magazines. oh, yeah, that's something you probably never knew about me is that i have turned into the world's biggest magazine klepto. i don't really remember when it started, but i don't care if it's good housekeeping, vogue or jet, there's going to be some article or recipe or cute thing in there that i want, and sometimes i'm too embarrassed to rip out the page, so i just take the whole thing. ever wonder why i carry such a big bag all the time? ok, well, it's for that and to hide candy and smoothies in when i go to the movies. so there. it's out. i steal magazines. well, no, i just USE them. not from peoples' houses, because THAT would be stealing. only from doctors' offices. and my hospital. because if they're laying down, they're fair game.

ok, that's all.

um, the whole reason i was posting again today is because i wanted to record the story of heather, me and the pilonidal cyst. i can't remember if i told it properly, so HERE GOES:

i found the "thing in my buttcrack" (which was its preliminary name), called the doc's office, described it in full, colorful detail (along with the n/v, dizziness & mid-grade fever), and she was like, "um, you better just come in". so, i got there and had to see a male doc (dr gleason) on whom i've never even laid eyes before. he came in, "hi, nice to meet you" - pleasantries were awkwardly exchanged as i lay there with my fanny up in the air, he pulls the sheet down and says,
"ohhhhhhhhhhhhh gosh." (that's my favorite thing to hear - in the doctor's office & while getting my hair cut)
"oh gosh, what?"
he said he knew what it was just from the description they were giving him & WHERE IT WAS. (mind you, i don't know the medical term for fanny crack, so i just kept saying that) ok, blah, blah, pilonidal cyst, only pops up in that particular area, etc, etc.
"so, what you're saying specifically, is i have a buttcrack cyst?"
he actually laughed and said,
"yep, so you need to head to the er - we'll call and let them know you're on the way - and talk to a general surgeon, because that thing needs to be taken care of ASAP."

i staggered up to the xray dept, because i thought that's where heather was still visiting, but i wasn't thinking very clearly. she had specifically told me to CALL HER when i got out, so she wouldn't have to lay claim to me upstairs, but it happened anyway. i got up there, and she had already gone back down. being that i looked homeless, and severely ill to boot, i freaked all of her co-workers out (no, really, they looked SCARED), and stumbled back down to find her. she drops me off at the er, goes to pick up ricky and take him and the twins home, then comes back.

i begged her to bring food. thank god. she shows up with spongebob cheeze-its and a baggie full of chocolate candy. they're not going to tell ME not to eat from the junk pyramid.

so the doc comes in, and before he EVEN touches me, i'm like (while i'm crawling over to hide behind the stretcher and throwing dirty needles in his path to slow him down), "hey, do you even KNOW what a pilonidal cyst is? i mean, have you had DEALINGS with one??? cause dr gleason told me not to let you touch me if it's, like, your second day or something." he was well-acquainted with them, and he was actually very good and gentle with me.

so, i laid on my tummy, and he dosed me up with lidocaine. that was the worst, since they were sticking me in a place that was already red and infected beyond all belief, so it hurt worse than any pain i've ever felt in my life (yeah, i know i haven't had kids yet, so a sore throat, painful gas and amoebic dysentery is all i have to compare it to). tears were running down the sides of my face, even though i wasn't crying, and i know i was probably breaking heather's hands, even though she won't say. i also kept apologizing for moving around so much - they said i wasn't, but i felt like i was about to kick the doc in the head. maybe i just wanted to.

my fanny kept squinching up closed, and i was really worried the doc was going to get his hand caught. i didn't realize it, but that's one of those kinds of muscles that you can't control when it's scared. well, YOU know, when someone tells a gross story or talks about something that hurts, and your butthole sorta shrinks up into itself. it was doing that, only it was my WHOLE butt, and it was taking the doc down with it. i knew it was going to be one of those, "ok, all finished!...wait, where's my watch?" things. i guess your body just has all those automatic responses to protect you from the really dangerous things, like doctors and shark bites and pencils and falling and glass shards in your eyes and stuff.

so, he takes the scalpel and carves this thing open ("they carved you up like a christmas turkey," heather said). i had my head turned, and he must have made the first cut, and i saw heather and nurse both lean WAY back. the nurse actually took a step backwards. i was like, "hey, where's everyone going?" the nurse said, "well, i don't want it in my eye." "yeah, it's on MY BUTT, and i wouldn't want it in my eye either." so, he's hacking and chopping away, and i asked heather, "what's he doing?" she said, "i don't know. it's gross. i can't look at it," and i was like, "look at it! LOOK AT IT!!!! tell me what he's doing!!!" so, she consented and gave me the blow by blow of everything he did. she was brave. so, he did all that really gross stuff that i've already previously described, and packed it with the iodophore wick and cut it off. he went out to write my scrips, leaving me there, nearly breathless and ALMOST crying on the stretcher. as i'm writhing in pain, heather looks down and says, "awww. it looks like you have a little pigtail! it's a little, sorta pinkish, curly pigtail!" that, like, made everything better. i was so excited to go in with an abscess and come out with a tail. that's the coolest hospital visit i've ever had.

actually, you know, right before he got finished packing it, my percocet kicked in, and heather said, "ohhh, you got that warm, sweatery feeling, like everything's going to be ok?" i said yeah, like my cheeks were all flushed and i loved everyone (just like i am when i'm drunk).

so, i wasn't writhing THAT bad. and then, the lidocaine wore off...........

at this point you can probably guess what happened, and you can insert your own words, because whatever you think it was, i probably said it.

surveys

i don't know why, but i LOVE these stupid questionnaires, where you quiz each other about yourself, to see what the other person is going to say or how well they think they know you. i want to post the ones people wrote about me, just so you can see what a diverse and strange individual i am!...you know, i didn't mean for that to sound so "LOOK AT ME!" *trumpets blaring* *red carpet rolls out* ew. i hate sounding selfish or narcissistic. it makes my tummy hurt. anyway, here's what other people think of me! you might learn things you NEVER KNEW!!!!

heather, my best friend:

Your name:
Jennifer Marie Braxton Harper


Where did we meet:
The Kirklin Clinic--you had pigtails that day

Take a stab at my middle name:
M-a-r-i-e

How long have you known Me:
crap...4 yrs?

Do I smoke:
only second hand

What was your first impression of me upon meeting:
That you looked like a member of my family. Then you spoke and knew that you were my twin, switch at birth.

Color of my eyes:
light brown

Do I have any siblings:
yes, half brother, half sister

What's one of my favorite things to do:
laundry

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:
yes. oh, do you want to say what it was? "I love Harry Potter, too!" or "Get out of way, bitch!" Something like that.

Do you think I am ghetto or conservative:
completely ghetto

What's my favorite type of music:
psycho slam and coldplay, although I've never heard you listen to music. Have you ever noticed that? We always talk too much to ever have music on.

What is the best feature about me:
your humor, your laugh, and your pilonidal cyst.

Am I shy or outgoing:
shy person trapped in an outgoing body.

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
depends on if you like the rule. But usually you don't so, Rebel.

What's your favorite memory of me:
jeez. are you kidding? how can I choose? Ok. It's the Krazy Glue Incident of '04. That look of shear panic at the figurine stu
ck on your finger and begging for 911 is locked in my memory foreva.

Any special talents:
can sugically remove eye cheese. Clean and fold clothes better than a Chinese laundry. Stunt driving. Clogging, though I've yet to see any. And blow jobs.

Would you consider me a friend:
uh...yes. What kind of question is this? Jennifer, did you type up this test?

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
wack-a-do buttcrack

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring:

your camera. when you don't have one stolen. To take pictures of sand and water. And of which ever one of us wasn't cannibalized. It would be a self portrait.
:-)

pretty accurate, i think. heather's the one who holds the key to all my "dirty laundry," which i end up doing every time i go over to her house, because it relaxes me, and it stresses her out. ("i didn't ask you to come over to do my laundry." "i know, but i had a bad day.")


this one is from my cousin, katy:

Your name:
I guess it's Jennifer. Or do you want my name? In that case it's Katy.

Where did we meet:
Probably in the hospital when I was born!

Take a stab at my middle name:
Marie

How long have you known Me:
27 years

Do I smoke:
no

What was your first impression of me upon meeting:
probably that you were a little blurry. Like everything else around me.

Color of my eyes:
Brown

Do I have any siblings:
yes

What's one of my favorite things to do:
Email

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:
Something like, "Hey. This is where Columbus discovered America!"

Do you think I am ghetto or conservative:
I don't understand this scale so I'll just say Ghetto for fun.

What's my favorite type of music:
I don't know this one... I'll jsut say Ghetto for fun again.

What is the best feature about me:
Your smile and your great hair!

Am I shy or outgoing:
I think it probably depends on the situation but mostly outgoing.

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
I think it might depend on whose rules they are.

What's your favorite memory of me:
Playing at Grammy's house. Going to the beach together.

Any special talents:
you can clog!

Would you consider me a friend:
of course

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
dur! Jimmy

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring:

your cat

now, me and kate grew up together and spent most of our young lives around each other. i did INDIRECTLY get her in trouble at school, by telling her that columbus discovered america in our grandmother's backyard. but for the record, she used to eat wild onions out of the yard and tell me they gave her "superpowers," then she would ruuuuun around the yard really fast, to prove it. and then her mom would call my mom and ask why she had diarrhea that night, and once again, i'd get the spanish inqusition.

so, there. we're even. &=)


i think i have more of these, so i'll post them when i find them. and you're always welcome to fill one out and send me one (or let me fill one out for you!). gordon and i have been talking about making our own list of crazy questions to circulate (because everyone LOVES chain, trash, fw:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:, "i know a guy who actually WON the ferrari," "microsoft is tracking this and will donate $5 for every email forwarded," "make your penis at least 7x larger!" kinds of letters. but we're lazy, and haven't.

ok, i'm at work, and i'm bored out of my gourd. i know they want us to stay off the computers, but i couldn't get on last night, a) because i pulled a double & worked at trinity from 4p-9p, and b) because the ants were SWARMING the computer the other day, so i made ricky unplug everything and move it into the living room, which, to him, sounded like, "in front of the bed," so we just haven't gotten it moved and plugged back in, yet.


oh, and it's payday. and i FINALLY got my rent paid. so, i'm terribly happy. (yes, it's the 22nd of september, and i'm JUST NOW paying rent - it's been a really bad month, hence one of the many reasons i hate septembers now). i just have to make sure to i pay off the credit card thugs, so i can keep my kneecaps this month.

(ooo, i just got to outspell someone on "fajita" just now - you don't know how happy it makes me to be a human dictionary. if i have no other talents than that, clogging, doing laundry & stunt driving, i'm a happy, happy girl.)

and for those of you keeping count, i have fanny cheek-packing visit #6 tomorrow, then me and the pigtail are driving out to town to see my family, because i'm HAVING WITHDRAWALS!!!! RAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i've been like a crack fiend, trying to go see my family;
trading food for brief cellphone conversations, slipping people $10 to bring me articles of their clothing, so i can smell them, and now, i'm going through detox, and i'm a COMPLETE bitch without them, which should make everyone in a 60-mile radius slightly on edge. so, i'm getting my fix tomorrow. hope everyone's at home, because i don't have any horse heads to leave in beds. maybe i could just leave pickle butts and carrot tops - THAT would freak people out.

well, except amy.
one time, when my ex-husband had just started coming to visit my family, i freaked out (long story) and left the house. i left him there, wearing my jammies, which were too small, and while he was trying to busy himself by burning dryer lint, he stepped on a cheese weenie. we still laugh about that.

ok, NOW i'm going. they're ordering roly poly, and since i have money today &=), i think i'll treat myself to something. hell, i deserve it. even though, it's probably going to put me in the hole. oh well! it's just paper! that the entire universe revolves around! and that's really disturbing!
&=)

9.20.2006

first picture - it's a yucky one

current mood: accomplished!

rawwwwk. i did it. ok, for those of you (like me) who enjoy gross things, THIS is what i have. and unfortunately, mine didn't come up on the small of my back, like the nice pg-rated picture, but actually UNDER where the apex of the pilonidal dimple arrow rests. so it's IN my crack...and it is GROOOOSSSS. plus, i have to get the whole entire thing taken out, which from what i read, is about half as long as my butt. so, there you go - knowledge is power!

and you thought i was kidding when i said "check your buttcracks."

brrrr....

current mood: cold...and sorta happy

it's a chilly day here at cgr (my apt, colonial grand at riverchase) in the center of hell. oops, i was just about to say something about my ants dying off, but there goes one across the screen. geez, i don't even have the energy to get rid of him. they're starting to overpower me, and i'm pretty sure i'm just going to end up signing my lease over to them. he's standing on "them" right now...HE KNOWS.

um, ok, so it was my first day back at work, and let me tell you, for all the sh*% i've been through with this ass thing (well, that censoring didn't work well, huh?), i didn't really, truly appreciate how HARD my fanny works ALL DAY, even when i'm not doing anything! all the walking around i did and standing and attempting to sit and repeating my horrendously graphic and disgusting story to about 900 people, MY BUTT IS KILLING ME. at least people missed me. that was...weird. i kept checking the mail every day, thinking i would get one in there that was like:

Dear Jennifer,

You are an idiot, and no one here believes your surgery / butt cyst story. You may has well have told us they pulled a gold-plated monkey out of your ass.

Love,
Everyone at Your Work

PS. You're so totally fired, so don't bother coming in to shoot up the place, because we already know what you look like.

but it actually DIDN'T go down like that. everyone was very kind and interested in my butt. (but my monkey's feelings were huuuurt, let me tell you...) much to heather's chagrin, i'm sure, i haven't shown my butt to anyone...YET. she told me, "i know you think no one believes you, but they do, and please, because i know you're going to...DON'T show anyone."
hey, what's wrong with my pigtail? i kinda like it now. &=) other than the fact that it feels like i constantly have to take a crap (tmi, i know, but remember who's site this is = NOT YOURS), i kinda dig being able to say, "um, could you watch that? you almost smashed my pigtail," and people giving me that WAAAAY too curious look that always ends up in the spanish inquisition. and everyone knows me - "mouth of the south," what mom always used to call me! hey, i came by it honestly, so get off. anyway, my point being, i always point out the blatently obvious or bring up the stuff that no one wants to talk about. they know i talk too much. YOU know i talk too much. which means this entire paragraph was pretty irrelevant...

wtf, why is my "delete" key not working? jesus h palomino on the top of a friggin house with a banana in his hand, GOD! i keep telling these asses who live with me to STOP F____ WITH MY COMPUTER! dammit, every friggin TIME i come in here, something's weird with this thing. god.


GET OUT!!!! EVERYBODY JUST GET OUT!


frig.

*sigh*

anyway, i'm finished. i still don't know why the key doesn't work (gordon, why doesn't it work?). omg, this totally makes me want to choke someone. those are like the two things that piss me off the most in the universe - when someone messes with my computer, and when someone eats ANY of my krispy kreme doughnuts. oh, yeah, you're looking at MAD, then. i mean CURSING mad. i didn't BUY THEM FOR YOU. YOU are not ON your period. YOU did not just HAVE some femalian surgery and now your fanny is broken and you can't even stop crying long to take a bite of the one doughnut you got, because you've already cried so hard for so long that NOW you're snubbing, and if you put the doughnut in your mouth, you might aspirate it into your lungs, whereas you'll more than likely contract pneumonia and have to be put in the hospital, and lemme tell you, ain't NOBODY gonna believe THAT string of bad luck. not even me, and i've been there, pal.

*sigh*

ok, well, yeah, and i guess i need to fess up. i haven't done all of this on my own. (well, most of it i have. like, the cyst-having was my idea.) my friend ricky (whitaker) has been helping me. uh, we met on a dating website (go ahead and cringe, but the only place i go is heather's, and i don't meet any new guys there - just the lawn guys and the mailman - the mailman was "busy" and the lawn guys have girlfriends. fyi, i don't GO OUT, so get off me)....(that was a joke, btw - i don't really hit on the people around her house - i make her take me down to the piggly-wiggly, so i can stalk guys in produce), and i was planning on helping him out through a rough patch in his life, but i think he's ended up helping me way more than i have him, although i'm pretty sure he'd beg to differ. and yes, we're dating. this was not the "jennifer's halfway house of ulterior motives," although i know from first glance, it sure as hell looks that way. the way we ended up was weird, but we're together now, so meh. i like him. he's a nice guy, and he's NOT mean to me. so, i found one who can be nice and NOT make me feel like crap. on the downside, he's had a lot of acid in his past and now sees tracers and talks to himself about 110% of the time, but hey, you take the good with the strange. he adores me, and HE DOESN'T HIT ME. i mean, not that phil did, but you get me. i still love phil, and i'd like to be his friend one day, but right now, i'm still weird. i've never been friends with an ex before, and i haven't been researching the subject heavily.

woah! my delete key just spontaneously started working again! um, ok jeff, i take back all that stuff i was saying about you in my head. *erk*

ok, so what happened today? ahhh, nothing. a bunch of people asked me where i was, we got new flooring in the dept, so all of our equipment is now in place, and i got to go see the new orthpaedic clinic being built where old sports medicine was. it's pretty gutted and bare to think that bitch has to be ready BEFORE oct 18. wow. oh, and our 3 best techs are going downstairs (don't really know what they were thinking with THAT move, but i'm not boss, so i don't care), brenda, dina & megan. i'll miss them, cause they're my favorites. as for sheryl (aforementioned spawnette of satan), i hear she's changing shifts, but i don't care SO MUCH that i didn't even ask. maybe her shift will be her working 4p-11p...with alligators...in a pit...of chicken guts. nah, just kidding. we're ok, i just don't really care. and i want it to stay that way.

i know, i know. you think i'm just a cold-hearted bitch. and you'd be right, but only by a percentage. if you ask what percentage, i'd say "a hat made out of weenies" because i don't know. actually, i want to BE a weenie for halloween, but i don't know who sells weenie costumes. i don't WANT the bun on it. just the weenie. why is that so hard for people to understand?? JUST THE WEENIE.

ok, enough, ENOUGH of this nonsense. i have to go tend to things about harper haven (we're gay-friendly, btw, no matter what the guys say). and booboo is staring at me through the sliding glass door, which usually means, "you give me fake mice covered in colorful fabrics to play with and expect me to be satisfied with that. come sit with me for 5 minutes out of your extraordinarily busy day." so, i'm gonna.

oh, and for those of you keeping up with my medical condition, i have to go to the ER for my 5th butt-probing visit tomorrow morning. HOPEFULLY, this will be the last in the series of pigtails, although i will feel quite naked without a GIANT BANDAGE ON MY ASS. i've been taking my antibiotics like a good girl, and i'm even afraid i might have taken them twice this morning. but hey, if this thing was on YOUR butt...yeah...that's what i thought.

one more thing - um, if i ever make any grammatical errors, please DON'T overlook them. send me an em or a comment and chastise the crap out of me. i mean, i DO have a tendency to make up my own words, even my own swears, and sometimes i try to spell sounds, but anything that we learned in the 2nd grade, that i apparently didn't pick up on, let me know.

omg, i just remembered --- mine was the word "because". ARRRRRGGG!!! i've hated that word ever since the 2nd grade. mrs. thomas made us go to the blackboard and write words, and mine was "because, and so i went up there, and spelled it "beacause" or something stupid like that, and she was like, "no, SIT DOWN," and EVER SINCE THEN, i've NEVER misspelled that word. how about that? the tortured stories of a once-overachiever. i'm the ONLY person i know who has the dictionary/thesaurus bookmarked on her computer as second under google. freak, huh?

ok, i'm stopping now. i really could go on, but i guess i want to GAIN readers, not KILL them.

in the words of duplicate calvin, "hoffa gut tay"! &=)

9.19.2006

what's she saying?

Treas em wankeing ont sime ploked peish rof phen sumbloat syug si phat phey gavet peish ta paat ein pheeir sumbloats. Aslu unaffoctor gef cak siructiun gill bo cak spiarshoot anet cak GurGanglo gur pwucossing pwutwam.

Yoii rockem sockem mow-em yown.

Et tam neque pecun modut est neque nonor et imper ned libidig met, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed ut labore et dolore magna aliquam makes one wonder who would ever read this stuff?

Et harumd und lookum like Greek to me.


i actually found these statements on the sample blog, and i thought they were hilarious (me & my uncultured mind - hey, heather's the only reason i still think fart jokes are funny). i just wanted to see IF anyone was reading. if not, pro dedecus!
i'm feeling much better, by the way - now, if they'd only let me come back to work....

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet! Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet!

("Neither is there anyone who loves pain itself since it is pain and thus wants to obtain it")

hey, and if anyone can decipher the "how to post a picture" thing, please let me know, because i have NO clue how to put a pic on here. it's kind of sad, because i don't really have the patience or attention-span to read over it. in fact, i don't have the attention span to finish thi

9.17.2006

running through the rain

my uncle sent this to me. it's such a sweet story. i'm actually crying now, thinking back on the message. i, too, am having a lot of problems in my life right now - some problems i created for myself, others i had no control over - and i ran through the rain not too long ago. now, i'm glad i did.

jimmy &=)

ps.
i'm sorry to those of you i've neglected these past couple weeks. i always hope i'll stop doing that to people i love, but i'm still working on it. to feel so generous, i sure act selfishly.

Subject: Running through the rain

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.
It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said.
"What?" Mom asked.
"Let's run through the rain!" she repeated.
"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.
The young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain."
"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.
"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"
"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now, some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.
Then, off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and, yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...
So, don't forget to make time and take opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget, and remember to also send it to the person who sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry. Take the time to live!!!

the story of the meat sandwich

i've been asked, on more than one occasion, why i refer to my grandmother's knee surgery using various types of meats and foods in some of my posts (or out loud). so, HERE'S the story:

my grandmother had her initial total knee replacement surgery back in 199_, at montclair, back when i wasn't in the health care biz. her surgery was done by dr. thomas who has recently, much to my delight, has recently retired.

little, tiny, old people, you can now come out from hiding - the bad man is gone. just beware of jimmie harvey. (......i've never actually KNOWN anyone to get sued for slander, but there's a first time for everything, eg. eating shampoo...hence the directions on the back of the bottle, for those of you who didn't get that.)

anywho, dr. thomas came out of surgery to talk to my family, and amy & mom said while he was talking, he was eating crackers, and not only dropping the cracker crumbs on his giant, grotesque belly, but cracker crumbs were spraying from his mouth as he talked. it's kinda like that game where someone makes you eat a cracker & then whistle. only this time, you're a surgeon trying to talk to family about a serious surgery done on one of their members and might want to maintain some sort of PROFESSIONAL IMAGE. but, i digress.

so, mom & amy got sprayed with crackers, and grammy came out with a bum prosthesis...literally, they must have excised it from a bum's leg and given it to her. since that happened, i figured it was lunchtime & they must have brought his lunch into the OR, and he's working away, sticks the prothesis in, lays down his ham sandwich on the prosthesis, and says, "ok, let's close 'er up!" so, grammy has a ham sandwich (or bologna, depending on his preference - hell, he's a doctor. it could have been a plate of beef wellington, for all i know) in her knee, and that's why she's been having NOTHING but constant problems with that knee.

so, i always kid with her about it. when she winces from the pain, i'm like, "uh oh, is it the ham sandwich?" and she just laughs and nods. i mean, i think that's one of the only ways she's been able to deal with this is laughing about certain things.

i'd like to mention on a side note (and also in my defense to the courts), as he was hammering the prosthesis into her tibia (i know what they do now, since i'm in the OR on these cases all the time), they BROKE a good-sized shard off her tibia (no, wait, it gets worse) and proceeded to screw it back in (wait for it...) and then, SEND HER TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! (there it is!)

so, here's this tiny, cute, old, bun-haired lady, with a new prosthesis AND a broken leg, and they send her to PT to start getting her mobility back. FYI, for those of you who aren't following me, broken bones + PT = a whole new level of hell. that's why they put REALLY HARD CASTS on people with broken bones & tell them to keep the part IMMOBILE, because the bone is HEALING.

i'd like to also mention that we didn't find out about all this until about 2 or 3 years later, when she visited dr. cuckler (a doc who specializes in fixing other peoples' mistakes) at TKC.

ahhhh, all this crap my family has been through and working in the OR & the healthcare industry has given me a whole new perspective on docs. i know you really have to do your homework, when it comes to your own health, and i really try to encourage that of all my patients...well, the ones that aren't under anesthesia. that, and second opinions are very important, if not almost imperative. just because the sign on the interstate says that uab hospital is one of the top 5 in the nation, doesn't mean all the docs are.

i know they tell you that whole, "what do they call the doctor who graduated last in his class? 'doctor,'" but i don't buy it for a second. there are good docs, & there are bad docs. and i've seen a whole lot of both.

to sum up, environmental extortion is around us all....wait. sorry. wrong train of thought. grammy's just a gal who got a raw deal. she's been in and out of the hospital & doc with this knee, and i know she's getting tired of it. speaking of the top 5 hospitals, she went in for cellulitis (the meat sandwich) not too long ago, and she was in a ton of pain & agony. they started sending PT (not again) to get her up and moving, while they had her on a major round of rocephin, which was making her very weak. by the time she was able to shuffle her way out to the hospital, they kicked her out, without even making sure the infection was under control. just to update you, it's not. she & i are racing to see who can visit the doctor more times in one week - i'm winning right now, but she always comes up and blows me away.

so, thanks, top 5! and i'd also like to thank medicare (medifraud) for being so prompt in sending her home.

we'll be trying st. vincents next time, assuming jimmy andrews doesn't leave and the entire hospital doesn't go under. i can't believe the fate of that entire hospital rests on the shoulders of that one man who thinks himself better than God....ah, but that's another story! &=)

blog address & fanny pokin'

Sunday, September 17, 2006


blog address & fanny pokin'

Current mood: awake


ok, i found it - this is the link to my OTHER blog. it's the same stuff that's posted on here, but this myspace stuff just isnt' reliable sometimes, especially since shelb had her account deleted 4 different times, and we still can't find out why. ok, here she is:

http://jimmyrawks.blogspot.com

so, that's my other blog. hey, why is this typing like this? dangit. ahh, i don't feel like changing it. ok, anyway, there's my OTHER blog. which is the same as this. but is for people who are not connected to myspace. and, apparently, this is a giant hyperlink. .com.

oh, and i have to go back to the er today for packing round #3, so everyone wish me luck. pray for TONS OF LIDOCAINE. the pain meds, i don't care so much about, but the local anesthetic - yeah, that's my friend. the first couple of times, i was ok, but it's getting to the point where i'm so tired of being in pain, i'm ready to hold someone hostage if they don't set me up for surgery to just take the whole damn thing out.
it's a CYST, which means it's just a pocket within my...buttcrack, that's holding all this stuff - so, my reasoning is, why not take it out? but i think the fact that mine has actually turned into an abscess, which is somehow congruent with my tailbone rotting and eventually falling off, i think that's made it 50 billion times worse than it could have been.
hey, you know me - i like to do things to the EXTREME!!!! extreme cyst-having!!!! WOOOO!!!


plus, i'm probably going to have to have a liver transplant after all the pain meds i've been taking. i think i'm addicted, not to the meds themselves, but the whole "not being in pain" thing.


yeah, i like that feeling a lot.

people helping my ass

Originally posted Saturday, September 16, 2006

people helping my ass
Current mood: exhausted

yeah, this post will probably be short-ish too. i haven't been feeling too hot lately. it seems like whatever can go wrong IS going wrong. i went in for a minor surgery and came out with a somewhat serious and debilitating infection, that i'd like to point out is NOT nosocomial (hospital-acquired). it's a staph infection, but i didn't get it from the surgery i had - it just....kind of....happened. and it's in...my butt. anyway, i didn't get it FROM the surgery, but i think the fact that i was resting solely on my tailbone for 2.5 hours made the cyst that was apparently already there abscess, and everything just sprung into action.

nevertheless, i've been doing everything they tell me and trying to TELL myself i'm better, but i'm not. and i know i'm not getting worse, i'm just hurting worse. i have to go to the er every 2 days, so they can pull out the old packing, squeeze it, probe it (blah), irrigate & clean it, and repack it - but each time they do this, they're putting in MORE packing, and it's making the pain worse. oh yeah, and i usually say the abc's when i'm in a lot of pain - i thought that relevant to mention.

oh, and it's called a pilonidal cyst. well, actually, mine has turned into an abscess.

i'm worried about work, because i don't really need to take any more time off. well, i'm worried about money too, because as bad as this hurts, my financial situation is worse. i had to make one of my roommates leave, because he didn't follow the rules that i had laid out. he's really pissed, and i really hate it, but i have a feeling that he never had any intention of cleaning up in the first place. it's just the deduction i've come to, after the events that took place afterwards. and i don't really fault him for it, except that he was just on for a free ride and probably would have used me for everything i was worth, had i anything of any worth.

and he's one of those ones that pledges his undying loyalty to you, NO MATTER WHAT. but the conditions were apparently, "unless you kick me out, and i'm in complete denial of what you're accusing me for." i hate when people do things that they KNOW are wrong, and then they cop a friggin attitude when they get caught. that's all he kept saying is, "this is so fucked up."

sure. whatever you say.

i hate it, too, because he has potential and talent, and somewhere in there is a decent person, and now it's all going to be wasted. and i assure you, it WILL be wasted. oh well.

this has kind of changed my perspective on helping people, though. it's been a real experience, that i'd like to never repeat. i still have two other guys staying with me, but they're doing fine - in fact, they both just got really great new jobs with benefits and all that, so i'm really proud of them. i just usually invest a lot emtionally in helping people, and i think that's my problem. so if i ever help anyone, i guess it's only going to be people that i already love, because i can't get involved without caring. back to my family & true friends - these people love me, no matter how perfectly insane i get.

still hoping to join the peace corps and get as far away from american society as possible. i know there are problems everywhere, but this will be an adventure to me. i think people who don't live in america have way more appreciation for human existence. we're so sheltered & overfed & self-righteous & gross, we have no idea how really lucky we are.

ok, i have to go - i'm at heather's, and she just came down to talk to me. hope everyone's doing well. i'll try to post more often, but i really have been in my own world of misery & suffering. i know it's not as bad as it could be, but it sure is bad enough.

and lemme tell you one thing - fuck karma. no matter what "he" says, i didn't do ANYTHING to do this. apparently, i'm paying for things that OTHER people are doing, which i wouldn't doubt.


oh yeah - check your buttcracks.

9.14.2006

ow

i was sitting in a chair, and when i went to scoot it up, i whapped myself right on my buttcrack booboo.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, i'm gonna go lay down now, cause it's making me feel like fainting.

9.12.2006

welcome to the fray!

current mood: in much pain

this will be short - i had surgery on friday (we'll just say on an unmentionables and leave it at that - TRUST me on this one), and i'm having a lot of complications, so i can't sit here for any extended amount of time.


i just wanted to tell everyone that i've posted this blog on blogger.com, under the heading "jimmy's head" - i don't really know how you access it, and i don't have the patience nor the sitting ability to find out. so, if you WANT to read the same thing, feel free to visit it there.

otherwise, i'm going to try to take a shower and lay down. i feel horrible. i'll write more later to let you know that all is not lost...yet...wait....uh oh. is that my __________ (insert gross body part here)? ok, NOW it's lost.

even pirates deserve to get paid

Originally posted Friday, August 25, 2006

even pirates deserve to get paid

Current mood: ecstatic

i just got done getting caught up on my bills! hallelujah, jesus, i just paid bills! i know this means nothing to anyone, but i finally got caught up enough to pay rent, cellphone, gas, water, power, cellphone & even the minimum on my credit card. omg, i didn't think it would feel this great. i know i have almost zero left, but holy crap, these bills have been bugging the shit out of me for the past couple of months. it seems like the ONLY thing i get to buy for myself anymore is GASOLINE!!!!!

you guys, i'm working really, really hard with my money right now. i know it seems i've become a complete shut-in and totally antisocial...and i have. because it costs to be a friend. and that SUCKS. so, i've restrained from doing ANYTHING and going ANYWHERE. i wish i had something to show for all this negative money business, but i don't. but i'm trying. sometimes it's REALLY hard to keep from throwing my hands up in disgust and saying, "screw all this," and just moving back to pell city. where would i go? probably my grandmother's basement with my 40-something year old uncle. hey, i can work early on becoming "scary cat lady". my grandmother is kind of a cat lady, but she's not scary. in fact, she's the complete opposite of scary. which would equal "short, cute & kind angel lady who makes good food & has bad knees & one eye, but is not a pirate."

i have a feeling i'll end up being the scary version of that...which would probably include becoming a pirate. i wouldn't have a parrot, though, since i'm scared of birds. i get seasick pretty easily, too, so they might have to create a new genre of pirate for me..."homrate" (home & pirate) or "piment" (pirate & apartment) or "rentrate" (rent & pirate) or "big, fat, smelly hog" (a combination of many of my endearing qualities).

i can't believe i just paid bills. apparently, becoming an adult makes you a big loser, because you find joy in the STUPIDEST things. it makes me want to run around in the nude hugging everyone in this complex...except child molester. i can't think of any reason to hug him, even with clothes. *shivers*

a challege for you!

Originally posted Thursday, August 24, 2006

a challege for you!
Current mood: hungry

"WEIRDEST thing anyone's ever said to you on IM"

ok, so i was on the 'puter the other night, just surfing, and my yim pops open, and this guy starts a chat. i'm friendly enough, so i'm chatting back, and out of the blue, he says, "hey, btw, do you have herpes? i do, and i'm just looking for other like people to chat with." i was a bit stunned, so i sat there for a minute without answering. finally, i was like, "no, dude, i don't. um, sorry to disappoint..."

i wasn't really sure at that point whether to be impressed with his honesty or totally grossed out at his BLATENT honesty. either way, it was just...weird. i mean, don't they make a support group for that or something? *shivers* i've had other odd conversations, but we'll worry about those later.

SO, what's the weirdest thing a complete and total stranger has ever said to YOU on im? i'm very interested in seeing what you all have to say!!!

Currently reading : Atlas Shrugged
By Ayn Rand
Release date: By 01 August, 1999

i feel as though i've stopped coming up for air

Originally posted Wednesday, August 16, 2006

i feel as though i've stopped coming up for air.

Current mood: distressed

i repeat, i'm no longer coming up for air, and i can't figure out why. i'm going to bed now. i hope this finds everyone "weller" than me. it will all work itself out. it always does. after a good 40k jump, right, sam?
sleep well, all. two more days of this horrid week. they can't all be this bad.

turd people

Monday, August 14, 2006


turd people

Current mood: pissed off


you know, i just wrote this really great thing that expressed all my anger and hatred towards "the turd people of the universe," and i clicked accept and all that great stuff, then i wanted to edit it, so i clicked edit, and apparently "edit" really means "delete" and so it deleted the WHOLE GOD-DAMN THING.


so, now i'm SUPER pissed off, and i don't think there's an emoticon for that. apparently, though, i wasn't supposed to share any of those thoughts about favors or turd people or the nuns, so WHATEVER. *fumes*


oh, i will say what i have to say. but now i have to go to bed and be mad for a minute. because i'm mad. because the computer eats words. MY words. but it won't eat my memory. and the anger is still there. i just wanted to spill it while it was fresh.


fuck, i hate the cosmic morbidity of the universe. my words are out there somewhere and some frickin alien is looking at them, like, "010011100101001001010100010011100110010101010010010100100100100101110010," because i imagine that aliens speak in binary code for some reason. and fyi, that spells "NRTNeRRIr". if you don't know what that means, then you're seriously out of the loop, and there's no WAY i can tell you now. binary alien is my fourth language, right under engrish, esplanola & that one where you talk with your hands.

i also used to wonder why everyone didn't speak english because it was SOOOO easy. i realize now, i was worng.


(for those of you who don't get my jokes, that was one of them - you all now i nevur missspell anythig)


Currently listening : Hypnotize

By System of a Down

Release date: By 22 November, 2005

to all my loyal readers...

Originally posted Monday, August 14, 2006


to all my loyal readers...

Current mood: blank


...this prob has NOTHING to do with you guys, but just in case...i'm going to eventually try to WORK on my page, so it doesn't look so boring, because i hate boring things. it's going to look super-crappy while i screw it up with all this gay html, so i'm really sorry. like my lil online kitty is all cut in half, so you can't see him, and i like him. aaaaand, that's all i was gonna say, i think.


well, and my grammy is in the hospital, her left leg infected with "cellulitis," the most broad, general and stupidest disease known to mankind. not that SHE is stupid, but the infection is stupid. so the conversation with the doctor went like this:


"cellulitis, huh? well, where did it come from?"


"could have come from anything."


"ok, well, can we prevent it in the future?"


"no, it just happens."


"ummm-kay...so it just basically fell out of the sky and into her leg."


"well, we don't know where it came from."


i mean, should we have to pay for diseases that we don't know anything about? i say no. especially not if you're 84. and my grandmother. so, she's in the hospital, being treated for mystery meat in her leg, and i don't understand it. and frankly, i don't like things i don't understand. sometimes. but really in this case. at least it's better than the sandwich she had in her leg when dr thomas did her first knee implant (long-running inside family joke). from what i've witnessed with some docs lately, i'm pretty sure i could take a banana, draw a mustache on it, print it out a lil phD, give it a stethoscope, call it dr. nanner and dr. nanner could do a better job at rebuilding an ankle than at LEAST 15 percent of the jokers i know.


"Dr. Nanner, please report to OR 6. Paging Dr. Nanner to OR 6."



...now i want a dr. nanner action figure. i'm angry at that.


Currently reading : Brave New World

By Aldous Huxley

Release date: By 01 September, 1998

decisions

Originally posted Wednesday, August 09, 2006


decisions

Current mood: complacent


this is an addendum to the previous blog:

i've decided that i just don't care. no matter what happens, i know that i'm the only one on this earth who can truly make myself happy, so i'm sticking to my guns. if people care, they do. if they don't, the don't. i don't care either way. if i'm the last to know, then i'm the first to not give a shit.i love my family & my friends - the ones who have proven themselves to be worthy of my love and adoration. i don't care what others think. i don't really even care what they say. my life is about me & the things i want to accomplish.hey, i have a birthday coming up! i'll be 29! you know what i want? a crockpot & one of those vegetarian crockpot books. well, i want a LOT of things, but that's what's been on my wish list as of late. what else? um, an ipod video, some ps2 games, a camera, more books, some furniture, someone to fix my freaking computer (my motherboard is screwed up). i'd like to have other things like for aaron to give me all my damn pictures and stuff back & for someone to get the pics off my old hard drive, but i'd really be dreaming, then, wouldn't i??? *laughs* as long as i'm dreaming, i'd like to end suffering & attain world peace! i'd also like to go have a big birthday dinner somewhere fun like sakura with my friends & family. WOOO!!! i'm having a party in my head as we speak, and i'm the guest of honor!

oh man, i've GOT to find something to do before i keel over with excitement! i love you guys (most of you anyway!). i appreciate those of you who have stuck around. not everyone prides themselves on being friends with a flipping wackadoo who likes weird hair. ahhh, i'm just me, and if you don't like it, blow me!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

&=)

passive-aggressive

Originally posted Tuesday, August 08, 2006


passive-aggressive

Current mood: frustrated


RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

i want to scratch someone's eyes out, and it's not a good feeling. you ever have someone tell you they care about you, but sometimes it seems like they're putting one over on you? i HATE that feeling. not that i feel that way, but...just thought i'd bring that up.

i'm at work. and i'm bored. and mad. and i can be mad if i want to, so there...

this kind of stuff makes it easier to want to go into the peace corps. in fact, i think i'm going to start working on my application again soon. i gotta do something with myself instead of sitting around, waiting for someone to give a shit about me. *kicks stool in 3 second, fit-pitching rage*

heros

Originally posted Wednesday, August 02, 2006


heros

Current mood: impressed


I just wanted everyone to know that I have to prop my friend Laura's boyfriend, Lance, and his friend, Luke, because they saved a drowning baby the other day. I took the following off her blog (haha, I hope that's ok, girl!), so you could read what I read. this is pretty frickin' awesome, and if we had more episodes like this, I think the world wouldn't seem like such shit. Thank you, Luke & Lance - you rawk beyond all comprehension!!!!!!!! *hugs*

"Yesterday my boyfriend turned into Superman in my eyes- He and his friend Luke were going into his apartment and noticed a baby bottle on the sidewalk, and then heard the weak, gurgley cries of baby. I know he can't really fly, but I am sure God helped move him and Luke fast enough to get to the pool located across the parking lot to find a child (approx. 1 year old) in the pool. The child was on it's back, floating, flailing and crying in the deep end of the pool. He ran and jumped in and lifted the child out to Luke. During the whole time the baby was crying(weakly at first)- so he didn't have any major damage, and he turned out to be ok. Lukily for the child, he was face up in the water. Lance said his little mouth and nose were about the only thing out of the water. The fire dept, EMS and police came and checked it all out and took the baby to the hospital- but Lance said by the time they left the baby was smiling. I am so proud of the two of them and their quick thinking. They don't really know how it happened- but the baby is ok and that is the main thing. The only casualty was Lance's cell phone, work pager and his wallet- total submersion in pool H20 did them in. That is fine by me if it means the life of a child."

confusion, unabated...

Originally posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006


confusion, unabated...

Current mood: contemplative


i just want everyone know that i attended the baddest concert in the history of my life. aside from soad, family values 06 was awesome. we didn't make it in time to see all the bands, but we did see stone sour, deftones & korn. and my friends, we were in....."THE PIT". for those of you who don't know, i don't even think i can explain the thrill of it all. for those of you who THINK you know, i'm pretty sure you don't. being mere FEET away from jonathan davis & chino moreno - woah, i'm getting dizzy just reflecting back to my excitement.i do want to write more, but i'm at work right now, so i must be brief. aside from that, i'm experiencing some confusing thoughts. i can't really go into great depth, but my heart and my mind just don't match up sometimes. it's like they're on two different wavelengths. actually, it seems like my heart just throws itself out on the line, while my mind tries so hard to hold back and protect it. my mind is my heart's protector. but my heart is like me - stubborn. it just won't listen.

i'm so confused. my heart is so full, it fills like bursting, while my mind is still trying to form thoughts into words. words that make sense, anyway. right now, it's like "cheeseburger - form letter into the far back! green beans and contrast make bananas and break them. who does the exemplary phobia known to none," and then a bunch of squiggles & colors.

see? no sense, whatsoever.

*sigh*

are you a butterfly?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


are you a butterfly?

Current mood: exhausted


do i believe that people can change? absolutely. beyond a shadow of a doubt. i've seen it, and i've lived it. i actually had someone ask me the other day if i was an angel, and all i could do was laugh. i'm pretty sure i'll be washing dishes in heaven for a short eternity before i ever acquire any wings.

and you know what else? i can land a fucking mean right hook, in case anyone was thinking of crossing that line.

i'm working a double tonight, all the way into tomorrow (until 330p), plus i went to a show at workplay right before i came here (sons of william & alternate routes - both very good) - it's 11:23p, i'm going on about 3 hrs sleep, and i'm already about to fall out. i have to have my bone scan tomorrow, try to make it as far as i can through work, go do all my paperwork at trinity, then i'm going home to crash like a dead person. so, don't call me...because i'll be dead...and i probably won't remember how to answer the phone...just leave a message at the sound of nothing.

sleep well, loves. it's going to be a rough next few weeks for those of us who struggle. hope all is well with everyone else - i pray for you guys all the time.

Currently listening : Good & Reckless & True

By Alternate Routes

Release date: By 05 July, 2005

random nothing thoughts...

Originally posted Sunday, July 16, 2006


random nothing thoughts...

Current mood: lonely


yeah, it's just not that interesting to me anymore. it comes and goes. it grows and fades. eventually, i'm guessing it will just die. hoping?...i don't know. guessing?...probably.


i might be getting a dog, but i'm not certain.


and my weekend? weird...good, but certainly weird. really looking forward to my second job. i'm going to be working so much, i'll probably forget how to sleep. orientation is next week, and personally, i'm stoked. what i mean is > second job + stoked = no life. it's a pretty easy equation to come derive. there's no x's or y's or shit to solve for.


tomorrow will be a ponytail day. for those of you wondering, this means that i'm going to probably be 5 min behind all day long.


i'm so damn tired, but i have SO much on my mind. i'm about to watch the hey-eck out of some aqua teen. i wish i was cool, but i'm not. i'm about as square as i can be without being someone's mother. oh, but the concert is two weeks from today - one of the only things to which i'm looking forward...until my ship comes in...or plane...whichever hits first.


best wishes to all my readers. i don't know who you are who have given my blog 300+ hits, but it means a lot to know someone kindly reads and might be mildly entertained by the foul shit spat forth by my brain at the strangest times. my life isn't a lot, but it's mine and i appreciate it. strange things happen. i'd have to say, aside from some major mistakes, my life has been pretty bitchin'. if i can just keep the straight and menicingly narrow, i think it's all going to work out...i just don't know how yet. this (my life) is one book i think i'd read the last page first - i'm always curious on how it will end...


Currently reading : I Know This Much Is True (Oprah's Book Club)

By Wally Lamb

Release date: By 06 April, 1999

sometimes, i'm glad you never understood me...

Originally posted Wednesday, July 12, 2006


sometimes, i'm glad you never understood me...

Current mood: grateful


"And maybe for the first time in the last few months, I acknowledged something properly, something I knew had been hiding right down in my guts, or at the back of my head - somewhere I could ignore it anyway. And what I owned up to was this: I had wanted to kill myself, not because I hated living, but because I loved it. And the truth of the matter is, I think, that a lot of people who think about killing themselves feel the same way...They love life, but it's all fucked up for them,...We were up on the roof because we couldn't find a way back into life, and being shut out of it like that...It just fucking destroys you, man. So it's like an act of despair, not an act of nihilism. It's a mercy killing, not a murder. I don't know why it suddenly got to me...because sometimes it's moments like that, real complicated moments, absorbing moments, that make you realize that even hard times have things in them that make you feel alive..."

p.299

for the first time, it seems, my sorrow is starting to make sense...all because of a book. this is to no one in particular. it's for me, and it's all because i never knew how to say it.


Currently reading : A Long Way Down

By Nick Hornby

Release date: By 02 May, 2006

working on holidays BLOWS

Originally posted Tuesday, July 04, 2006

working on holidays BLOWS
Current mood: pleased

I just wrote the most awesome thing I've written in a long time (it was actually a letter that will never be sent). It was so good that even I went back and read it and laughed out loud at some parts. Damn, I'm a pretty good writer sometimes.
Sometimes...when I'm inspired. I wonder what my muse is. Maybe it was the fact that I wrote the whole thing while that stupid Oreo cookie song was stuck in my head. I don't know why - it was just there, and my brain just insisted upon singing it over and over...

Well, there was this one time that I couldn't go to sleep because I had the Golden Girls' theme song stuck in my head. I know I laid there all night, tossing and turning, closing my eyes really tightly..."Thank you for being a frieeeend...." I woke up the next morning, exhausted. I like when that kind of weird stuff happens to me. It makes me more aware that I'm never going to be normal...wait, maybe I meant to say boring, but I'm not sure.

Like, the other day, I was about to hit some type of wooden ladder in the middle of 65 S, so I slammed on my brakes and almost hit the concrete divider wall thing. I hit the ladder anyway, and it splintered into a million pieces, and I heard this screech and loud bang behind me. My first thought was, "OMG, somebody hit me!," but I didn't FEEL anything, so why did I think that? It's the radiation...Anyway, so I look up, and the car behind the car behind me pulls out from behind that guy and just drives away! I was shocked, so I pulled off the interstate and jumped out of the car to find something to throw at the car driving away. Of course, it's the interstate, so it's not like there are any baseballs or good rocks to throw, so I ran back to the other guy's car to make sure he was ok. He was ok, and people were flying all over the road and nearly killing each other to avoid the pieces of the ladder, so I ran back and held up traffic while I dragged all the pieces off to the side of the road. I was in workout clothes, cursing and throwing sticks - I know people thought I had escaped from Bryce. Heather got really mad when I told her and made me promise that I'd never run into the interstate again - but, hey, I didn't want anyone else to get hurt or hit us while we were out there. So, run directly INto the oncoming traffic - whatever.

I waited with him until the cops got there, so I could give my animated rendition of what happened (which always happens - even in church). We were sitting on the concrete dividers beforehand, and people were driving by and honking. For the life of me, I wish I would have had a picnic basket, blanket and some candles, so I could have made the moment more intimate - what the crap did people think we were DOING on the side of the interstate??!?! Yes, I always take my friends to the interstate - I enjoy "EXTREME DATING"!!! People are so freaking retarded. I even called the 911 dispatcher BACK and told him that people were honking at us, should we move our cars and he told me no, to stop calling. Ok, he didn't tell me to stop calling, but he did tell me to stay where we were, because the interstate is like a womb of security and people driving 2 ton vehicles would never DREAM of driving out of control at 90mph and hitting other human beings walking around outside of their vehicles in a stupor in 430p traffic. Um, he didn't say that last part either, but you get me.

So, that was weird. Normalcy is for wimps, though. This, coming from a girl whose idea of a good day is one that doesn't end in tearing through the front door, cursing and/or in tears, with her drivers' side mirror in one hand and missing a shoe. But, whatever. Yeah, that's what I said - whatever...

Screw this - I'm going outside to watch fireworks.
Happy 4th! &=)

APPENDAGE:
So, I went outside to watch, and while I was sitting there, a roach came out of the bushes and wanted to tangle. I wasn't looking for trouble, so I got up to move, and when I got up, I hit my head on the "No Parking" sign and fell off the curb and almost killed myself - when I say "almost killed myself," I mean twisted my ankle and looked like a goob in front of about 1500 people. And, THEN I proceeded to cry at the end of the fireworks - hey, I've got a soft heart but a hard head - it all works out for the best. I'd also like to add that I'm afraid of spiders, birds, balloons & canned biscuits - thanks for reading.

letting go

Originally posted Saturday, July 01, 2006

letting go
Current mood: melancholy

how does it make you feel?

(I am feeling very warm right now
Please don't disappear
I am spacing out with you
You are the most beautiful entity
That I have ever dreamed of)

(At night I will protect you with your dreams
I will be your angel
You worry so much about us having
Enough time together
It makes no difference to me
I would be happy with just
One minute in your arms
Let's have an extended play together
You're telling me that we live
Too far to love each other
But our love can stretch farther
Than the eye can see
So how does this make you feel?)

How does it make you feel?

(Do you know that when you look at me
It is a salvation
I've been waiting for you for so long
I can drive on that road forever
I wish you exist to live on my planet
Well...it's very hard for me to say
These things in your presence
So how does this make you feel?)

How does it make you feel?
(So how does this make you feel?)

Well...I really think you should quit smoking!

***I love that song...and I'll never forget you, no matter where I am in life. You'll probably never read this. So many beautiful, heart-felt things have been written about you and for you, time and time again, and will continue to be written for you, but you'll never read any of it. Regardless, you will have always been the best thing that ever happened in my life. I've always loved you, and I always will. One day, I'll be ok - eventually. Thank you for your time and love. Thank you for all that you gave.***

Currently listening : 10,000 Hz Legend
By Air Release date: By 29 May, 2001

i farted

Originally posted Friday, June 30, 2006


i farted

Current mood: determined


you know, i'm ok with being alone. i thought it was going to be much worse than this, but i'm actually ok. i watch a lot of tv and lay around a lot more, but i guess that just means i need to get off my fat ass and use my gym membership. i was a little sad at first, which came unexpectedly, but not about that - it was about something totally different, yet partially related. it's weird and complicated (exactly like me). but i'm ok right now. just trying to get back on my feet monetarily, which is ALWAYS hard for me. you'd think i was this huge spender with all this crap to show for it - but i'm not. i have all the same stuff with which i started out. i'm just lonely, but i expect i'll need this time.


i'm feeling a lot better, too. i got to spend time with my family, which was sweet. i love my family. we've been through a lot together, and i know it's not over, yet. i've often thought of just dropping everything and moving to italy (don't ask me why there), but i just don't want to leave my family behind. it's not that i CAN'T, it's because i don't want to. i know now that i'm capable of doing anything and going anywhere. i just love my family so much and want to continue to be around while the kids grow up. i mean, you see my current primary photo is me and braxton.


but as much as i've continually screwed up, they continue to unconditionally love me. i wouldn't trade my family of screwed up knuckleheads for all the world. not even for a month of free rent, which would be nice right about now. i know i'm still destined for something, aside from just rotting here in this apartment, but i'm taking it one day at a time. like they say, lots of days do attack me at once sometimes. i have to get my motivation back up, though, and it's hard to do when you don't have a "significant other". i'll manage, though - i always do...


Currently watching : Family Guy, Vol. 3

Release date: By 29 November, 2005

freedom...FREEDOM

Originally posted Tuesday, June 27, 2006

freedom...FREEDOM

Current mood: hopeful


i'm feeling much better - MUCH better. i still don't have my voice back (which i know some of you would count as a blessing, so up yours), but FREEDOM IS SWEET. i'm not sure if i was meant to be alone, like forever, but right now is good enough. and it's nice. shelby's even staying with me tonight. i think heather might even stay with me sometime, which will be fun. we need a sleepover. that would be like medicine for me, to have some fun, just me and my best friend. i feel like i've been caged up like veal, which is weird. i just need to grow and expand - now, literally speaking, it needs to be quite the opposite - but i'll be starting the gym back soon enough. i know this may all seem cruel, but it was in my best interest, and that's good for me. it will be even better in the long run.


right now, i feel better. it's just going to take some getting used to. and i have plenty of places to go, if i can't hack it. i've already had plenty of love doled out to me (i'm such a friggin' weenie). i'm thankful for what i do have, and i know there's more to come. i'm ready for better. i'm ready for normal. i'm ready for GOOD. damn, i'm ready for something good.

*hark* *hark*

Originally posted Tuesday, June 20, 2006


*hark* *hark*

Current mood: drained


my coughing makes me sound like a seal...that's all. i'm 'bout to lose my voice. but you know what? aside from this little setback, things are coming together quite nicely.


&=)


Currently watching : Lost - The Complete Second Season

Release date: By 05 September, 2006

sick girl

Originally posted Monday, June 19, 2006

sick girl
Current mood: sick

i had to go to the er at 3a morning, because my throat closed up on me. dr mcminn did several tests, but said it was just a virus that had to run its course. they gave me a decadron shot, and i'm taking that over-the-counter tylenol sore throat stuff, but i still feel REALLY gross. i had to call in to work today, and while i slept, my fever kept going up and down, so i'm all sweaty and gritty-feeling. blech.

you know, i don't get sick like i used to, but when i do, crap, it hits me like a ton of bricks. i just hope shelb doesn't get sick, since we were all over each other, sleeping in the bed this weekend. i'm just exhausted - i feel like i've been hit by a bus. i hope this goes away soon, cause i really don't want to have a family photo made with a giant red clown nose. perpetual sneezes suck...

Currently watching : Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Volume Two
Release date: By 20 July, 2004

vacations are upon us all

Originally posted Sunday, June 18, 2006


vacations are upon us all

Current mood: sore


i get to take vacation week after next - SO sweet. my whole ENTIRE family is coming into town, and we're going to do fun things, possibly go to the lakehouse, have a family portrait made, and just be us, which is better than anything i could ever ask for. well, almost...


then the following month, i'm going with heather down to st simon's island for a week, to explore, see her family and see where she grew up. i'm so freaking excited i could wet myself. the last time i saw the beach was the radiology conference about 5 years ago, and i was miserable, but it was for all different reasons.


i'm so glad i get a break...or two. hell, i'm not shy - i deserve this. i've had a hella-year, and i'm ready for the winds to change. i've got a lot coming up, and i'm trying to prep myself for everything. i'm looking out for so much, but i'm so impatient. He just keeps telling me to "wait", and i don't know what that means. it's something, i just wish i knew what.
one day, breathing won't be so labored.


Currently watching : SpongeBob SquarePants - Sea Stories

Release date: By 05 November, 2002

almost isn't soon enough

Originally posted Wednesday, June 14, 2006

almost isn't soon enough
Current mood: content

omg, it's almost over. it's SO close, i can almost FEEL it! i'm so glad, and the very tiniest bit remorseful. but, it's almost over.
almost.

Currently reading : The End of Oil : On the Edge of a Perilous New World
By Paul Roberts
Release date: By 05 April, 2005

a weird thing happened at work today...

Originally posted Tuesday, June 13, 2006

a weird thing happened at work today...
Current mood: bored

my knee has been absolutely killing me for the past 2 or 3 weeks, but i haven't mentioned anything, thinking i'm being my normal hypochondriacal self - no big deal. today, though, i couldn't stand it anymore, so i told one of my coworkers to xray my knee, just so i could confirm that there was nothing there.

i'll be damned if my kneecap isn't broke slap in two.

i have no idea when and where this might have happened. possibly from all the genuflections i've performed in the past - they just don't make knees like they used to.

what next? i don't know. i asked one of the awesome surgeons downstairs (i hesistate to name someone who might not want to be named), and he directed me into doing externally rotated straight-leg raises (50, as many times a day as i can stand, to be precise), gave me some anti-inflammatory meds, and said if it doesn't improve, surgery would be the next option.

*^* woah *^* surgery. i guess as much as i beat myself up and claim to have brain tumors and the like, i don't think i ever saw myself as the "having-surgery" type. it just sorta creeped me out a tiny bit. plus, there's no way in crapshoots i'd ever have surgery at my hospital, but that's ONLY because i know everyone so well there. i don't want them hauling me over on the table while i'm under and saying, "damn...but she just LOOKS so LITTLE!" i've been in the OR. my daily life revolves around it. i know what people say. i'm usually the one saying it.

anyway, i thought the whole broke knee thing was pretty weird, considering i can take a hella-beating and come out only covered in slight bruises. who am i kidding? i bruise when the wind changes. so, these days, i'm a gimp with a limp. no more "tour de stat" for now. which really sucks, because i just got my membership at the new uab gym. well, i can still do upper body and look like a misshapen freak when i'm done.

ok, simpsons are coming on, and i need to make foodstuffs for my belly. hope all is well out there in the world, to whomever, wherever...

Currently reading : Marley & Me : Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog
By John Grogan
Release date: By 18 October, 2005

hollow world

Originally posted Thursday, June 08, 2006


hollow world

Current mood: creative


"We make of the hollow world a fuller, messier, prettier place, but all our inventions can't create the one thing we require: to deserve any fond attention we might accidentally receive, to receive any fond attention we don't in the course of things deserve. We are never enough to ourselves because we can never be enough to another. Any one of us walks into any room and reminds its occupant that we are not the one they most want to see. We are never the one. We are never enough."
-p.187
Mirror, Mirror
Gregory Maguire


Currently reading : Mirror Mirror : A Novel

By Gregory Maguire

Release date: By 28 September, 2004

the undiscovered thing...

Originall posted Wednesday, June 07, 2006


the undiscovered thing...

Current mood: listless


so, i got robbed - second time, you know. then, my grandmother tore her rotator cuff - how? we don't know. now, my aunt has a lump in her breast, AGAIN, that is being tested - second time for her, too. my uncle larry and heather's grandmother-in-law both had strokes about a week apart from each other. you know, in this family, when it rains, it pours.


at the same time, i can't stop thinking about how lucky i am. i have the greatest family, and my friends are awesome. my family and i are going to the perch in a couple of weeks, and i'll still be without a camera, which will all but kill me.


which segues absolutely seamlessly and nonsensically into my next subject...


i'm still convinced that i see things differently from other people, especially through the camera's eye - that moment, frozen in time. not that my way is better - it's just different. i'm different. i always have been.

i have these lurches in my heart, when my heart remembers something that i think i've forgotten. i got really scared today, when i was coming home from target, because i had to drive that road that i haven't driven in a long time. it was harder than i thought it would be. it's so much easier to disconnect yourself from the world and go on like the past never existed (aside from taking the lessons with you everywhere you go).
i think about the things that i write, and although they're usually personal and private to me (i NEVER let anyone read what i write), i share these few thoughts with you, my myspace friends and readers, and decide that, if you read this, and it sounds like, "blah, blah, yakity-blah," then you might want to stop reading. i don't care if you don't get it, and i certainly don't care if you don't like it. i'm always so self-conscious about what i do, and i don't know why. i guess living in the constant shadow of guilt has marred me. like i said, though, i've let that all go. it's not me - never was, never will be.


i wish that perfection was something for which i could strive, but every day, i'm fighting just to keep my head above water. i've been accepted by 99 percent of my work peers (yeah, me and that one bitch don't talk). my family and my friends have forgiven my transgressions and continue to let me be myself - whoever that may be for the day. God is mostly in control in my life. and although life is a seeming paradise compared to most, i still feel as though i lack something.


what is it? is it big or small? is it important or trivial? is it here or there? is it an undiscovered talent? do i carry it with me already, without knowing it?


is it anything at all?


Currently reading : State of Fear

By Michael Crichton

Release date: By 25 October, 2005

random nothingness

Originally posted Wednesday, May 31, 2006


random nothingness


to whomever reads my stuff...thanks.


i know i don't really have a lot of interesting stuff to say. sometimes my muse graces me with its presence, and i'm struck with what seem like completely poignant and valid thoughts at the time. other times, i just like to type to see how fast i can ramp this shit out of my head.


something that i heard on tv tonight (which embarrasses me to say i watch tv) - on this commercial, this guy said, "if your wildest dreams were granted, would i be in them?" i thought that was very thought-provoking. who would be in your wildest, truest dreams, had you everything you wanted?


sometimes i think i know, then sometimes i think i'm wasting my grey matter. only God knows, and i trust Him to lead me to wherever i'm going. it's times like this that i feel sort of drifting out into infinity, because nothing's happening. i don't feel my purpose. other times i don't really care, just as long as my body is still working like it's supposed to.


but ultimately, in the very end, what are you looking for?


Currently listening : No One Is Really Beautiful

By Jude

Release date: By 22 September, 1998

my memorable memorial weekend

Originally posted Tuesday, May 30, 2006


my memorable memorial weekend

Current mood: apathetic


so this weekend, instead of going to spend the weekend with my family, i stayed at home to worry about people breaking into my house. i'm all out of money, so i drank spoiled milk and ate canned pineapple...then i threw up. but i only threw up the pineapple and milk, so it's not like i lost a lot. i would have eaten cat turds like jezzabelle does, but i'm not all too sure of the ramifications of eating cat turds on a human being. jezzabelle's never gotten sick, but i guess the whole licking her own butthole could be the antidote for the cat turds. i know i always say i have my head up my own ass, but it's because i'm exaggerating for dramatic intent. i really don't know, because i can't get my head down there. i'm at work right now, and i have a feeling someone is reading over my shoulder, so i'm going to have a lot of explaining to do. somehow, this always happens to me...


Currently reading : Fast Food Nation

By Eric Schlosser

Release date: By 05 July, 2005