Originally posted Wednesday, July 12, 2006
sometimes, i'm glad you never understood me...
Current mood: grateful
"And maybe for the first time in the last few months, I acknowledged something properly, something I knew had been hiding right down in my guts, or at the back of my head - somewhere I could ignore it anyway. And what I owned up to was this: I had wanted to kill myself, not because I hated living, but because I loved it. And the truth of the matter is, I think, that a lot of people who think about killing themselves feel the same way...They love life, but it's all fucked up for them,...We were up on the roof because we couldn't find a way back into life, and being shut out of it like that...It just fucking destroys you, man. So it's like an act of despair, not an act of nihilism. It's a mercy killing, not a murder. I don't know why it suddenly got to me...because sometimes it's moments like that, real complicated moments, absorbing moments, that make you realize that even hard times have things in them that make you feel alive..."
for the first time, it seems, my sorrow is starting to make sense...all because of a book. this is to no one in particular. it's for me, and it's all because i never knew how to say it.
Currently reading : A Long Way Down
By Nick Hornby
Release date: By 02 May, 2006