Current mood: crushed
my friend ella passed away this afternoon.
our whole department was glum. i just went around and hugged as many people who would let me.
i don't know what to say. she led such a hard life and had so many problems, but she never really let it outwardly bother her. she would always do her job to the best of her ability and never complain. she knew every part of that hospital and knew how to do almost everything in our department. she worked in the file room - something everyone balked at - when we lost all those people at the changeover. so many people in the hospital knew and cared so much about her. everyone in surgery was asking me how she was doing all day, but it never seemed like we had good news to share.
i'm glad she didn't suffer for long, but i'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that she won't be there anymore. i miss her already. and her family...her poor brother...they managed to get him back over to see her before they took her off life support. he's going to be so lost without her. i think, to some degree, we all will be. she was always such a positive part of your work day.
i'm sure some people won't think too much on this, but it seems no matter how many times i go through it, death never gets any easier.
i can still see her little, tiny self, standing there, waving good morning to me when i dragged in every morning. she always spoke and always asked me how i was.
ella, i miss you so much, and i'm sorry i didn't hug you when i saw you on thursday. it's not that i didn't care - we just get wrapped up in our own little worlds and forget about other people so many times. i can't even seem to say the right thing. thank you for being my friend, ella, for the brief time i knew you. even if you never knew, you touched almost everyone with whom you came into contact. our department will never be the same without you, and so many peoples' lives will be so empty without you. mike, rena, ora, and mamie just to name a very few.
we still love you, ella, and although your body was weak, your spirit was strong. i know you're well again, and for some reason, God sometimes feels the need to take the best ones. and even though the rest of us might not feel it for a while, you're at peace now, and that's what's important. we didn't want you to hurt anymore, but we'll surely be hurting without you.
i love you, sweet girl!