My neighbor's dog, Emma, pooped out a fully-intact condom the other day.
Ok, actually, she half-pooped it, and Justin half-pulled it. So, it's 100% out. It's also 100% gross. Unfortunately, if it was a Trojan, she was so protected from her meal, she probably got no nutrients...at least that's what the back of the box claims. Plus, there was no crack in it, so I'm assuming she smoked it before she ate the condom. &=)
Also, when I took a dump the other day, it smelled like canned dog food. You know, I haven't had dog food since my grade school hazing.
What's the dealio with dog food? Is someone trying to tell me something? That nutritionist can kiss my veg-o-matic ass.
On the subject of dogs, here are some recent pics of my sweet Jezzabelle, from her papa:
God, I miss that girl. My whole life, I've always been a cat person. But, when we got Jezzy as a baby (we drove almost to freaking North Carolina to pick her up, for God's sake), I immediately fell in love with her, no matter what she did. Believe it or not, I'm not one for corporal punishment for animals, but I'd beat a child within an inch of it's life. But, that's just because humans have the ability to reason. Plus, you have to keep their will broken, so that they'll remember who's boss.
Anyone curious as to why I don't have kids, yet? Yeah. Me neither.
Well, that, and I'm pretty sure there are certain other parts that are missing, in order to achieve the so-called "baby." Anyone with an IQ under AT FUCKING LEAST 100 need not apply. Yes, I've set high standards for myself. I'm sick of dealing with these idioms who couldn't even tell you what an idiom really was:
*Idiom: [id-ee-uhm] an expression whose meaning is not predictable from the usual meanings of its constituent elements, as kick the bucket or hang one's head, or from the general grammatical rules of a language, as the table round for the round table, and that is not a constituent of a larger expression of like characteristics.
And if you can't understand that I make up my own language, you might need to just not. Yes, that's what I said - just NOT. For example, I can call someone an idiom, but I really know what it means, everyone ELSE knows what it really means, but you've just been left behind in the grammatical dust. In fact, there came a point in my life when I realized that I can do and say whatever I damn well please. Now, when was that? Oh, yes - it was when I turned 30.
So, bite me. &=)
Ok, my shoulda hurts, my back doth protest, and my knee has been completely numb for the past hour that I've been sitting here. I've got much more on which to update, but I'm working off of Windows ABC right now, because my buddy Dave is supposed to be bringing me the updated, non-crashie service pack tomorrow. This thing has been a real bi-otch to soup up. I'm just about ready to pour actual soup in it and call it a day, stupid friggity. (That was a joke, for those of you with IQ's under 15.)
Ahhhh, my posts are SOOOO bitchy, when I'm in pain.
Get REAL used to it.
Love you, peeps! &=******
Ah, crap. I just looked over, and Jammy Pie had her WHOLE FACE in my Spongebob cup of water. Dammit. Now, I have mustache-water. Gross. They're totally the reason I cover my toothbrush up when I leave in the mornings.