Life sucks, part abillion

I'd like to blog right now, but I can't. Too many people read my stuff now. Or nitpick through it for hints.

Here's a hint:

Leave me alone.

Not so much a hint as a direct command.

It sucks to be too broke to afford your own medicine. It sucks to not be able to function like a normal human being without certain (prescribed) drugs in your system. But, I'm supposed to tell myself that it's just like any other part of my body being sick. I have to give it medicine, until it's better.

I don't want to be sick, though. And, I'll never be BETTER. If I wasn't so worried about my "state of mind," I would have already been gone from here. And, that's all I want, to be honest. I want to be out of here. I want to be gone. I want to be helping the people I'm supposed to be helping. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not happy here.

Why is this so hard?

There are so many things that act as no more than slight distractions from time to time.

Blah, blah, blah, blah...

Isn't that what it all ends up sounding like?

Wish I had something good to report. Thankfully, everything is about the same as it ever was. Unfortunately, I have to return to work tomorrow, after a two-week hiatus.

I feel so...stifled. It feels like someone is standing on my neck.

Metaphorically? I don't really know.

I'm just going to lay here until something comes to me...or until I pass out. Or should I just hold my breath?

Proper comedic timing. That's what I need.

And a hell of a lot of Diprivan and Valium.