9.17.2006

running through the rain

my uncle sent this to me. it's such a sweet story. i'm actually crying now, thinking back on the message. i, too, am having a lot of problems in my life right now - some problems i created for myself, others i had no control over - and i ran through the rain not too long ago. now, i'm glad i did.

jimmy &=)

ps.
i'm sorry to those of you i've neglected these past couple weeks. i always hope i'll stop doing that to people i love, but i'm still working on it. to feel so generous, i sure act selfishly.

Subject: Running through the rain

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.
It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said.
"What?" Mom asked.
"Let's run through the rain!" she repeated.
"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.
The young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain."
"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.
"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"
"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now, some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.
Then, off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and, yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...
So, don't forget to make time and take opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget, and remember to also send it to the person who sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry. Take the time to live!!!

the story of the meat sandwich

i've been asked, on more than one occasion, why i refer to my grandmother's knee surgery using various types of meats and foods in some of my posts (or out loud). so, HERE'S the story:

my grandmother had her initial total knee replacement surgery back in 199_, at montclair, back when i wasn't in the health care biz. her surgery was done by dr. thomas who has recently, much to my delight, has recently retired.

little, tiny, old people, you can now come out from hiding - the bad man is gone. just beware of jimmie harvey. (......i've never actually KNOWN anyone to get sued for slander, but there's a first time for everything, eg. eating shampoo...hence the directions on the back of the bottle, for those of you who didn't get that.)

anywho, dr. thomas came out of surgery to talk to my family, and amy & mom said while he was talking, he was eating crackers, and not only dropping the cracker crumbs on his giant, grotesque belly, but cracker crumbs were spraying from his mouth as he talked. it's kinda like that game where someone makes you eat a cracker & then whistle. only this time, you're a surgeon trying to talk to family about a serious surgery done on one of their members and might want to maintain some sort of PROFESSIONAL IMAGE. but, i digress.

so, mom & amy got sprayed with crackers, and grammy came out with a bum prosthesis...literally, they must have excised it from a bum's leg and given it to her. since that happened, i figured it was lunchtime & they must have brought his lunch into the OR, and he's working away, sticks the prothesis in, lays down his ham sandwich on the prosthesis, and says, "ok, let's close 'er up!" so, grammy has a ham sandwich (or bologna, depending on his preference - hell, he's a doctor. it could have been a plate of beef wellington, for all i know) in her knee, and that's why she's been having NOTHING but constant problems with that knee.

so, i always kid with her about it. when she winces from the pain, i'm like, "uh oh, is it the ham sandwich?" and she just laughs and nods. i mean, i think that's one of the only ways she's been able to deal with this is laughing about certain things.

i'd like to mention on a side note (and also in my defense to the courts), as he was hammering the prosthesis into her tibia (i know what they do now, since i'm in the OR on these cases all the time), they BROKE a good-sized shard off her tibia (no, wait, it gets worse) and proceeded to screw it back in (wait for it...) and then, SEND HER TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! (there it is!)

so, here's this tiny, cute, old, bun-haired lady, with a new prosthesis AND a broken leg, and they send her to PT to start getting her mobility back. FYI, for those of you who aren't following me, broken bones + PT = a whole new level of hell. that's why they put REALLY HARD CASTS on people with broken bones & tell them to keep the part IMMOBILE, because the bone is HEALING.

i'd like to also mention that we didn't find out about all this until about 2 or 3 years later, when she visited dr. cuckler (a doc who specializes in fixing other peoples' mistakes) at TKC.

ahhhh, all this crap my family has been through and working in the OR & the healthcare industry has given me a whole new perspective on docs. i know you really have to do your homework, when it comes to your own health, and i really try to encourage that of all my patients...well, the ones that aren't under anesthesia. that, and second opinions are very important, if not almost imperative. just because the sign on the interstate says that uab hospital is one of the top 5 in the nation, doesn't mean all the docs are.

i know they tell you that whole, "what do they call the doctor who graduated last in his class? 'doctor,'" but i don't buy it for a second. there are good docs, & there are bad docs. and i've seen a whole lot of both.

to sum up, environmental extortion is around us all....wait. sorry. wrong train of thought. grammy's just a gal who got a raw deal. she's been in and out of the hospital & doc with this knee, and i know she's getting tired of it. speaking of the top 5 hospitals, she went in for cellulitis (the meat sandwich) not too long ago, and she was in a ton of pain & agony. they started sending PT (not again) to get her up and moving, while they had her on a major round of rocephin, which was making her very weak. by the time she was able to shuffle her way out to the hospital, they kicked her out, without even making sure the infection was under control. just to update you, it's not. she & i are racing to see who can visit the doctor more times in one week - i'm winning right now, but she always comes up and blows me away.

so, thanks, top 5! and i'd also like to thank medicare (medifraud) for being so prompt in sending her home.

we'll be trying st. vincents next time, assuming jimmy andrews doesn't leave and the entire hospital doesn't go under. i can't believe the fate of that entire hospital rests on the shoulders of that one man who thinks himself better than God....ah, but that's another story! &=)

blog address & fanny pokin'

Sunday, September 17, 2006


blog address & fanny pokin'

Current mood: awake


ok, i found it - this is the link to my OTHER blog. it's the same stuff that's posted on here, but this myspace stuff just isnt' reliable sometimes, especially since shelb had her account deleted 4 different times, and we still can't find out why. ok, here she is:

http://jimmyrawks.blogspot.com

so, that's my other blog. hey, why is this typing like this? dangit. ahh, i don't feel like changing it. ok, anyway, there's my OTHER blog. which is the same as this. but is for people who are not connected to myspace. and, apparently, this is a giant hyperlink. .com.

oh, and i have to go back to the er today for packing round #3, so everyone wish me luck. pray for TONS OF LIDOCAINE. the pain meds, i don't care so much about, but the local anesthetic - yeah, that's my friend. the first couple of times, i was ok, but it's getting to the point where i'm so tired of being in pain, i'm ready to hold someone hostage if they don't set me up for surgery to just take the whole damn thing out.
it's a CYST, which means it's just a pocket within my...buttcrack, that's holding all this stuff - so, my reasoning is, why not take it out? but i think the fact that mine has actually turned into an abscess, which is somehow congruent with my tailbone rotting and eventually falling off, i think that's made it 50 billion times worse than it could have been.
hey, you know me - i like to do things to the EXTREME!!!! extreme cyst-having!!!! WOOOO!!!


plus, i'm probably going to have to have a liver transplant after all the pain meds i've been taking. i think i'm addicted, not to the meds themselves, but the whole "not being in pain" thing.


yeah, i like that feeling a lot.

people helping my ass

Originally posted Saturday, September 16, 2006

people helping my ass
Current mood: exhausted

yeah, this post will probably be short-ish too. i haven't been feeling too hot lately. it seems like whatever can go wrong IS going wrong. i went in for a minor surgery and came out with a somewhat serious and debilitating infection, that i'd like to point out is NOT nosocomial (hospital-acquired). it's a staph infection, but i didn't get it from the surgery i had - it just....kind of....happened. and it's in...my butt. anyway, i didn't get it FROM the surgery, but i think the fact that i was resting solely on my tailbone for 2.5 hours made the cyst that was apparently already there abscess, and everything just sprung into action.

nevertheless, i've been doing everything they tell me and trying to TELL myself i'm better, but i'm not. and i know i'm not getting worse, i'm just hurting worse. i have to go to the er every 2 days, so they can pull out the old packing, squeeze it, probe it (blah), irrigate & clean it, and repack it - but each time they do this, they're putting in MORE packing, and it's making the pain worse. oh yeah, and i usually say the abc's when i'm in a lot of pain - i thought that relevant to mention.

oh, and it's called a pilonidal cyst. well, actually, mine has turned into an abscess.

i'm worried about work, because i don't really need to take any more time off. well, i'm worried about money too, because as bad as this hurts, my financial situation is worse. i had to make one of my roommates leave, because he didn't follow the rules that i had laid out. he's really pissed, and i really hate it, but i have a feeling that he never had any intention of cleaning up in the first place. it's just the deduction i've come to, after the events that took place afterwards. and i don't really fault him for it, except that he was just on for a free ride and probably would have used me for everything i was worth, had i anything of any worth.

and he's one of those ones that pledges his undying loyalty to you, NO MATTER WHAT. but the conditions were apparently, "unless you kick me out, and i'm in complete denial of what you're accusing me for." i hate when people do things that they KNOW are wrong, and then they cop a friggin attitude when they get caught. that's all he kept saying is, "this is so fucked up."

sure. whatever you say.

i hate it, too, because he has potential and talent, and somewhere in there is a decent person, and now it's all going to be wasted. and i assure you, it WILL be wasted. oh well.

this has kind of changed my perspective on helping people, though. it's been a real experience, that i'd like to never repeat. i still have two other guys staying with me, but they're doing fine - in fact, they both just got really great new jobs with benefits and all that, so i'm really proud of them. i just usually invest a lot emtionally in helping people, and i think that's my problem. so if i ever help anyone, i guess it's only going to be people that i already love, because i can't get involved without caring. back to my family & true friends - these people love me, no matter how perfectly insane i get.

still hoping to join the peace corps and get as far away from american society as possible. i know there are problems everywhere, but this will be an adventure to me. i think people who don't live in america have way more appreciation for human existence. we're so sheltered & overfed & self-righteous & gross, we have no idea how really lucky we are.

ok, i have to go - i'm at heather's, and she just came down to talk to me. hope everyone's doing well. i'll try to post more often, but i really have been in my own world of misery & suffering. i know it's not as bad as it could be, but it sure is bad enough.

and lemme tell you one thing - fuck karma. no matter what "he" says, i didn't do ANYTHING to do this. apparently, i'm paying for things that OTHER people are doing, which i wouldn't doubt.


oh yeah - check your buttcracks.