a brief explanation of the unexplicable

non-cutters will never understand cutters.

normal people will never understand those with depression.

people who have never been depressed...you'll never know until you've been in your own dark, abyssmal hole - alone. you don't KNOW what other peoples' holes are like. you don't know what lives in that hole with them. no one experiences the SAME emotions in that hole. everyone feels differently. they always will.

psychs can only classify it as "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason." basically, it's saying you're sad for no reason. thanks, science.

but there is a reason. there is ALWAYS a reason. sometimes the sadness just moves past the reason, and beyond the dark veil. it's so hard to find your way back. and sometimes you stay lost for so long, you just don't see the point in trying to find your way back. it's like life will always be this way.

it's so hard to explain. the mental and physical work it takes to find your way out is exhausting. but you can't appreciate it until you've been there.


it's a disease. in my book, it ranks right up there with cancer. i hate them both with a passion i can't describe. cancer took my mom, and depression took me. it still rears it's ugly head every so often, but i've learned how to acclimate. but i have had almost 8 years experience, so every day is a learning experience. i'm still fighting, damnit. i'm ready to meet my enemy head-on.

thankfully, i'm finally coming out on top. thank you to those of you who stuck around. i love you all incredibly.



life lesson for today! &=)

were you looking, in specific, for poo smoking a cigarette?

one of my favorite things to look for on the net is really strange stuff, preferrably art, toys, comic books, etc.

well, friends, today, i hit the mother lode.

i was reading one of my regular webcomics, and i saw an advertisement for this site:


here's the summary:

We are a community of artists and art fans who believe in breaking the fabricated boundaries between disciplines and media. It shouldn't matter if it's a canvas, a designer toy, a pair of shoes, a digital desktop, or a comic book. But rather that creativity and art should be judged by good works and bad. In doing so, we believe, and hope that this community can be a part in moving the art revolution in this direction through four words...

view * collect * discuss * affect.

sweet. &=)

there's a link to dolls made in the images of various nightmares (strangedolls.net) that make even MY stomach hurt;

you know, this site i'm looking at now (www.cameroncollectibles.net) has an alarmingly large colletion of bobbleheads, most of them being from the hanna-barbera period - have these people discovered a porthole to the past?

they also have small, plastic toys in the shape of poo, smoking cigarettes (kozik sho-po plops);

well, now, here's a cute guy called "labbit," and apparently, "he wants all the eggs", as the box states. also featured is a labbit with a corncob pipe, for those of you who still don't wear shoes. oh, and here are miniature labbits all armed with their own tiny cigarettes - i don't think china/japan is up on the news that smoking is bad for your health - orrrr maybe they're just hitting their james dean era;

hey, here's a sasquatch holding a chainsaw!

this stuff is absolutely fascinating to me. it's, like, morbid, but i just can't turn away! must keep searching...