Knowing isn't always best

I just want to know why he won't call me back.

He asked for my number, he called once, I've left him two messages, but he just won't call.

I just want to talk to him.

I don't know if I should, though.

Because I still love him.

And, that's not going to change. It's one of those things over which you wield no control. None. I'm afraid that he'll want to be friends, and I can't do that.

Does that make me a bad person?

I'm so nervous and sick about this whole ordeal. We left things on such a horrible note - I was so angry and bitter back then. Now, things are so much different. I feel so much more free......

....than I felt back then. I don't feel that weight on my chest and shoulders like I used to. Don't get me wrong - things creep up and jump me unexpectedly sometimes, but I'm doing so much better at managing.

And, I don't even think of the other. Sure, I miss that life, but I no longer miss that person. I'm so happy now, but I'm so lonely. When I heard that he'd been around and asking, everything suddenly felt so different.

I just want to hear from him.

Do you ever think of me?

I just want to know..................