Originally posted Friday, June 30, 2006
Current mood: determined
you know, i'm ok with being alone. i thought it was going to be much worse than this, but i'm actually ok. i watch a lot of tv and lay around a lot more, but i guess that just means i need to get off my fat ass and use my gym membership. i was a little sad at first, which came unexpectedly, but not about that - it was about something totally different, yet partially related. it's weird and complicated (exactly like me). but i'm ok right now. just trying to get back on my feet monetarily, which is ALWAYS hard for me. you'd think i was this huge spender with all this crap to show for it - but i'm not. i have all the same stuff with which i started out. i'm just lonely, but i expect i'll need this time.
i'm feeling a lot better, too. i got to spend time with my family, which was sweet. i love my family. we've been through a lot together, and i know it's not over, yet. i've often thought of just dropping everything and moving to italy (don't ask me why there), but i just don't want to leave my family behind. it's not that i CAN'T, it's because i don't want to. i know now that i'm capable of doing anything and going anywhere. i just love my family so much and want to continue to be around while the kids grow up. i mean, you see my current primary photo is me and braxton.
but as much as i've continually screwed up, they continue to unconditionally love me. i wouldn't trade my family of screwed up knuckleheads for all the world. not even for a month of free rent, which would be nice right about now. i know i'm still destined for something, aside from just rotting here in this apartment, but i'm taking it one day at a time. like they say, lots of days do attack me at once sometimes. i have to get my motivation back up, though, and it's hard to do when you don't have a "significant other". i'll manage, though - i always do...
Currently watching : Family Guy, Vol. 3
Release date: By 29 November, 2005