Who are you, again?



I'm going to start being more diligent about you. God knows I need it.

Right now, the trailer is in shambles, since we just moved in. I'm in the process of scrubbing out these smelly, old-ass cabinets, that have had funky old crap in them and closed and sealed off for over five years. Holy God, it's...it's almost more than I can bear. But, I live here, so it has to be done.

I'm paying for it right now, by wallowing in some pretty immense pain. That's what happens, though, when you've been fairly stagnant for the last year or so.

Still on quest to find self, as well as either finding happiness or allowing myself to be so.
Back on meds, which I'm NOT crazy about, but I'll do anything to not feel like shit.


Right now, I'm just doing the whole one day at a time thing. Sometimes I can't even handle the one day. I'm like the Monarch - I constantly hate EVERYTHING. I hate myself more than anyone else can ever claim. It's "teh suk," I assure you.

BUT, nothing else to do but keep pushing forward. Every day, I have the same fight with myself about how fucking tired I am, how I just want to sleep, how I want to just dissolve from this world. I have so many fantastic people in my life, though. It's your fault for me wanting to stay. &=P

I have to get off here and rest my neck for a minute, before I have to get back to cleaning the kitchen. I've got to get this shit done, since we're supposed to hang out with Laura and Cory tonight. Everyone knows I've GOT to have at least a 6-hr nap beforehand.

Miss you guys. Miss posting. Miss typing. Miss working. Miss energy. Miss happiness. Miss my best friend. Miss my little mom. Miss life.

Does anyone need hugs? Because I've got a TON stored away, that I need to give away pretty soon, before I get all weird and start hugging myself.



ME! said...

:) You do what you gotta do sweetie. Sorry about the stinky cabinets. I totally understand that one!


Agnar Løvdaas said...

Stinky cabinets, blarg!
Line them with paper to avoid the stinking glasses! I hate the musty glasses as much as I despised the musty towels.
I tell you you are loved the wide world over kid! Even from my tiny Norwegian village of Jørpeland. Maybe someday you will be coming to visit us? And we will cook the fishes and drink the wines until the daylight comes.
But I forgets, you do not eat the fishes do you? So we will kill the potatoes and have them roasted for you.

Jimmy said...

Awww, thanks, Agnar! I love new fans, and I LOVE people from around the world (and other worlds)! God knows I'll never have enough money to see the beautiful parts of the world we have (stinky cabinets and all!), so it's nice to reach out and find others who understand.

On a sidenote, if you really are large bird, I'll just tell you that I am INCREDIBLY FRIGHTENED at the mere thought of you!

BUT, we were talking about tolerance today (which I had stopped by to blog about, but as it turns out, I'm really stoned, so I can't remember what I was going to say. It's okay, though - I needed the day off. I've been cleaning like, um, *insert extremely clean metaphor here* and I am PAYING for it now in body pain! And, I have to start all over again. Now, I want to hear Start All Over by Tracy Chapman. What were we talking about?)...SO I'm going to be tolerant that you're a giant, typing (and likely, TALKING) bird. It's okay, though, because I've saved a good many birds (while crying or screaming in the process) in my travails to save the world.

And, no, thankfully, I do not care for the feeshes, so that means MORE FISH FOR YOU! &=D I just love making peoples' (and birds') days. So, yes, provided the potatoes are DEAD, we'll be square. I'll bring the worms and wine. I'd love to hear all about Valhalla when I come! &=)

Jimmy said...

Haha, and my apologies, moj prijatelju, but my last comment was full of errors. Please forgive as I am typing only by muscle, no mind.
*kicks back-n-grins*

Holly-- The Storm Chaser said...

I love you, Jen! Glad you're back to blogging a bunch. I love keeping up with you. Praying for things to continue moving forward for you. Hugs and kisses!!