1.31.2009

Oh, for the love of post

I know. I have a lot of explaining to do.

Right now, I'm considering quitting Highlands and moving up to Huntsville with Chris. Also, I'm going to start taking short "mission trips" with a buddy of mine, to third world countries. I'm not sure where we'll start, but I know we're going to El Salvador next year.



Like I said...there's a lot going on that I have to explain.

Just not right now.



I'M still having a hard time letting it sink in.




But, what of my beloved family?

They're still the people I love more than anything in the universe.


And, my Mig?

She's still the most wonderful person I've ever met, and will ever meet, in the whole of my existence.


I just can't keep putting everything on hold. I'm so tired of the same thing. You know how I am. The fact that I'll be turning four at Highlands in March is HUGE for me. I love working in medicine, but it's stunting my drive for everything. My desire for things are so desperately waning, I feel as though, at times, I'm hardly alive. It's really beginning to scare me.

My life wasn't meant to revolve around money. I was built for love and caring - not bills and deadlines. I'm not saying that I deserve any different than anyone else. I only know what feels right to me. And, grinding myself to the bone, day after day, for not even so much as a pat on the back - I may as well be working for nothing.

I'd rather work for a true nothing and know that at the end of the day, I've made a difference in at least one person's life...and I don't mean by poisoning them with radiation.



God, if You'll just point me in the right direction, I'll walk with eyes closed.





I cannot believe that the purpose of life is (merely) to be "happy." I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, above all, to matter: to have it make some difference that you have lived at all.
-- Leo Rosten

2 comments:

L said...

GO FOR IT GIRL!!! Do whatever to make yourself happy- I will be happy for you no matter what. I only request ONE thing....if you go off somewhere without computers....let me know your mailing address if you can!

I love you!!

The Dood said...

Lucy! You have some 'splainin' ta doo! LOL, I always wanted to use that... Watching 2012 end Of The World things... You know how obsessively I tend to try and plan... So as ecpected, Im planning how best to prepare and get through the end of the world. Wow, Im sure there is a Sin for that, and it isnt humbleness... Comment onmy page darn you!