12.19.2007

Unimaginable pain & feelings.....

Things have been...erratic, at best.

But I needed to share this passage, from one of my favorite authors, Piers Anthony, and his first book of the Incarnations of Immortality: On a Pale Horse.

Forgive my lack of enthusiasm and possible mistakes. I wish I could explain more, but I cannot. Don't let it deter from this beautiful passage, which is dedicated to this day and to the courage of a single person. If I could take away her pain or the memories soon to haunt her, I would gladly do it.

I love you, my love. You will never fall out of my favor, and I will stand by you for as long as you and I live.

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Zane, back in the routine of his office, saw that the mother was suffering terribly from the first shock of her grief
as she cradled her dying baby in her arms. He was still working on the enormous backlog of clients that had accumulated during his strike, but he could not let the bereaved mother suffer more than she had to.
Zane stood before her. "Woman, recognize me," he said softly.
She looked up. Her mouth fell open in horror.
"Do not fear me," Zane said. "Your baby has an incurable malady, and is in pain, and shall never be free of it while he lives. It is best that he be released from the burden of life."
Her mouth worked in protest. "You — you wouldn't say that if one you loved had to go!"
"Yes, I would," he said sincerely. "
I sent my own mother to Eternity, to end her suffering. I understand your grief and know it becomes you. But your child is the innocent victim of a wrongful act — " He did not repeat what she already knew, that the child had been conceived by incestuous rape and born syphilitic. " — and it is better for him and for you that he never face the horrors of such a life."

Her haunted eyes gazed up at him, beginning to see Death as more friend than nemesis. "Is — is it really best?"
"Samuel Taylor Coleridge said it best," Death replied gently, extending his hand for the suffering baby's soul. "Ere sin could blight or sorrow fade, Death came with friendly care; The opening bud to Heaven conveyed, And bade it blossom there."
As he spoke, he drew the
tiny soul out. He knew even before he checked it that this one would go to Heaven, for now he had discretion in such cases.
"You're not the way I thought you would be," the woman said, recovering some stability now that the issue had been decided. "You have — " She faltered, seeking the appropriate word. "Compassion."

Compassion. Suddenly it fell into place. This was the quality Zane brought to the office of Death that the office had lacked before. It made him feel good to realize that the delays he had indulged in and the rules he had broken — that such acts could be construed positively instead of negatively. He cared about his clients, strove for what was best for them within the dreadful parameters of his office, and was no longer ashamed to admit it.
He knew he had been installed in this office for reasons not relating to merit. But he had conquered his limitations and knew that he would perform with reasonable merit henceforth.

"Death came with friendly care..." he repeated as he set his watch for the next client. He liked the thought.

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I'll update again soon. Hopefully, more regularly now. No promises, though. I don't like to make promises that I can't keep. Right now, I'm just barely treading with my head above water - and everyone knows that I don't know how to swim.

Prayers. Prayers are good right now. And, if you're one of my many atheistic or agnostic friends, just your mere thoughts are appreciated as well. Hell, you can go in to your nearest Chinese restaurant and rub the Buddha's belly if you want. At least it might get you some strange stares, which is always good for a story later.

There are so many things that I wish I could share. But there are things I just can't. Please respect that. And, please bear with me. This season has presented one malady after another. I'm still here, though - just not always mentally present.

I love you all, and I hope your holidays, whatever your beliefs, are fraught with nothing but joy and peace.

More soon....

2 comments:

HEWY said...

I hope everything gets better.

anna said...

rHang in there girlie. Hugs