Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who has kids!

And just FYI, I hate Mother's Day, for obvious reasons. I try to treat it like any other day now, but it always catches up with me somehow. I do wish the best for everyone who has kids. But, it does actually depress me when I think about all the kids and moms getting together to celebrate. I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but I know if my mom were alive, not only would my life be dramatically different, but we'd be best friends.

As a side note, the girls have been climbing all over me today. I think they can tell...

My cousin Kate sent me a really nice email last night:

Just wanted to send a note saying I love you. I know Mother's Day is probably a hard day for you, and I wanted you to know that I love you and was thinking about you. I miss my Aunt Debbie too. She was always my biggest fan (besides you!) when I was dancing. She was the glue in our family and I especially miss that. I pray that God cradles you in His loving hands tomorrow and that you would feel His fatherly love for you, His little girl. Let's please start doing stuff together again! You're the only person in the world that can finish my sentences! I LUB YOO!

She's right. My mom was a big part of the glue holding this family together. I can't help but notice that since she's been gone, we've all drifted farther apart, which scares me. We don't get together as much as we used to. But we all still love each other and want nothing more than for us all to be happy.

I just miss them so much...

This November, it's going to be 9 years, since she's been gone. There are days that I can't figure out how it's been that long, and there are days that feel like she's been gone an eternity.

One of the main things that bothers me is that I'm starting to forget. I don't have the most spectacular memory, so that makes it even harder. I can't remember her voice, I can't remember her hugs and kisses...sometimes I can't even remember her face until I see a picture.

I wish it would have been me. I know she could have been so much better off than I am.


I wish time and time again that I could see you just one more time. Just get one more hug, one more kiss, one more "I love you." The last time I saw you was when you were on that ventilator. I don't want to see that. I didn't want that to be the last time, when they intubated you, I came in and told you everything was going to be fine, and you looked me straight in the eye and softly shook your head. I can't get that out of my head. And you'd squeeze my hand whenever I talked to you. Why is that the only thing I can remember now?

Happy Mother's Day, Mama.

There aren't words to express my loss & pain from you being gone.

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