3.25.2009

My apologies to EVERYONE I've ever hurt - here is part of my everlasting penance.

Okay, so today was my third wreck in three consecutive days. First, I side-swiped my housemate, Justin's car. Not much damage.

Second, I rear-ended a lady going south on Hwy 31. Traffic had stopped abruptly, I wasn't paying attention, and my brakes are crap, and I skidded right into her.

This morning, I was late to work, and as I was turning into the parking deck, a lady passed me, and I didn't see the car behind her. Once again, if my brakes had been working, I wouldn't have hit her. Anyway, I plowed right into her head-on, but it was just the left sides of our bumpers that were damaged. I take that back - HERS was crushed. Mine was fine. And, she was cursing me, and all I could do was cry. So, I'm pretty sure she's going to sue me.

I can't remember what I said about this being the year that everything comes together. I must have meant everyone BUT me. Which is fine. I'm glad others are doing well. Honestly. I don't like to see other people suffering.

Except my Migs and me are fighting. I wish I knew why. Basically, everyone's mad at me for being depressed and being only about myself. I don't know what to say, except that I can't help it. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist I can't afford on Monday. All I can do is get help. I haven't realized that I was getting back into my depression, until I actually sat down and really thought about why I've been fighting with everyone. I've been so angry and bitter and I can't seem to find any peace within me. I seem peaceful and quiet on the outside, but inside, I'd really just like to beat someone's ass.

What else can I say? I'm not blaming anyone. I know this is all me. IT'S NO ONE'S FAULT BUT MY OWN. Okay? I'm not even blaming my depression, but you know, it IS sorta what's causing me to go downhill. So, I'd really appreciate it if everyone would give me a fucking break right now. No, no one's died. I haven't lost my job. Nothing major has happened in my life. I get it, okay? I haven't been myself for a while.


Just fucking give it a rest, already. I'm working on it.

2 comments:

Lorza said...

{{{{HUGS}}}} I love you.

Jimmy said...

Thank you. I appreciate that. I really, really do. I'm sorry for doing things to you, whatever they might have been. I'm sorry I didn't come to your wedding. Thank you for still being my friend, even through all of this. I love you so much!