Has this ever happened to you?

When I start writing now, I never know how to start.

So, let's just start with what just happened.

First night at Joe's, I was a shadow, it was pretty boring and not busy. It was a little easier than I think I was ready for - they're not nearly as uptight as Landry's. No matter, it went pretty well. Or as well as could be expected.

So, 9p, I leave. A cop blows in behind me, almost rear-ending me and turns his lights on. I'm totally all "what the fuck?," because for once, I'm not driving like a crazy person or a bat out of hell. I pull over, and he informs me that my tag is expired. So, INSTEAD of writing me a warning, he brings me a ticket. Just like that. No warning. No nothing. Just for the record, I STILL have a ticket out there, for coasting through a stop sign a few weeks ago.

Let me just reiterate...MY EX-BOSS can fuck me up at work...and get NOTHING. But, thank God they've got the cops keeping their eyes on me, THE REAL FUCKING CRIMINAL. Because I might hurt someone with an expired tag. One time I killed a man with an expired tag.

Okay, that's a lie - I didn't. But, I still might.

I just think it's SUPER-AWESOME that Jerry fucking Hamilton Spencer can attack not only an employee, but a WOMAN (I hate playing the gender card, by the way), and that fucker gets NOTHING. But, I go out for ice in the middle of the freaking night, pause at a stop sign (mind you - I didn't run it), and I get 30 to life.

I can't figure out if it's this town that's fucked up, the cops, the legal system, me, my life, or if God just overall hates me.

I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to last, to be honest. I'm hovering between screaming and crying, laughing, and just tearing up my good sheets for a noose.

It just doesn't seem worth it, you know? It really, really doesn't. You have these brief flashes of awesome, here and there, but then someone comes in and pours this giant dumpster of shit, vomit and diarrhea on you, when you're at your peak. Or even when it feels like things are just starting to turn around.

It's really wearing me out. I'm already having to pull out the only tiny bit of retirement I have, so that we can live off that, until I start getting paid at Joe's. I STILL haven't gotten my tax return back (long story). And, I'm short about $50, before my rent check makes it through the bank and bounces like a rubber ball.


Does your life suck, too? I'm sure it does. I'm not sure to what extent. I know everyone's pretty much going through the same bullshit - the situations just aren't always exactly the same.

*As a sidenote, I meant to post this last night, but I got stoned and stopped caring. Because I needed to stop caring. I needed to stop crying, before my face fell off. So, here it is.

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