4.06.2011

NO-tivation

Mmmmkay. One more time, I haven't been a good blogger. It's been a moderately stressful last week or so. And, when you live in the woods and don't have a lot going on, there's not really a whole lot that's worth blogging about.

I'm actually about to jump in the shower, then I'm going to head out, to fill out an app at a staffing service, since their web page isn't working. I'm trying to keep myself motivated to do things because, A) we're out of money, and B) I'm swatting depression off of me like naggy flies. My car is in serious need of repair and an oil change, of which I can afford neither, so I really SHOULDN'T be leaving the house. But, jobs aren't exactly knocking on my door these days. I'm suddenly a part of the "X-Ray Do Not Want" list, which blows, nor do I understand, but that's for another post. One day. When you guys are bored. And, I'm full of woe. And, can't find anything else to bitch about.

Fo' now, Imma go shower. I've got so much shit around here that I still need to do, but I'm not even the slightest bit motivated. I swear, if they could bottle motivation and sell it on the street like crack, I'd take it. I would freebase motivation. I'd even take it in suppository form. This is ridiculous. I know other people have those days of not wanting to do anything, but mine seem to be, um, EVERY, SINGLE DAY.

I hadn't been taking my meds, because I didn't feel like they were making a whole lot of difference, but sure enough as I came off of them, I started feeling worse than ever. So, they're doing SOMEthing - just not what I need them to do.

Plus, I can't figure out what of this is pure laze, and what is depression. Does it matter? Is there really a difference? Because I'm not getting ANYTHING done, no matter what it is. And, my feelings of "LOSER" are starting to set up house again, which makes it even HARDER for me to find that elusive motivation.

According to Google, motivation looks like giant boobs in a fish-eye lens. Yeah. That just makes me motivated to make money, so I can get a boob job and a camera with a fish-eye lens, so I can post my junk on the internet.

Oop - nope. It's gone again.

Okay. My smell is motivating me out of this chair. It's almost 1030, and I've got shit to do. There. That's my motivation for the day. That, and Jack's whining. Although, that's about enough to motivate me to run outside the house with no pants on, screaming.

Oh, yeah. Shower. Here I go.

1 comment:

ME! said...

hey, sometimes getting our asses in the shower IS a victory. I know I have been there! Keep taking those meds girl- even if you aren't 100%, the 60% the crappy meds give you is better thatn the 30% you feel without anything.

One day this cloud will pass....I wish I could tell you when. I do understand it sucks ass until they do.