10.08.2006

tv night

can't stay on long. just wanted to post that i'm much better, now that all but one are out of my house and no longer mooching on me. not that i'm helpless and stuff, but i was sorta fearing for my life, while the last one was screaming in my face...and me without my knife. i couldn't have gotten to my baseball bat in time, but anywash, all's well that ends well. oh, well, i mean it didn't end well, but you get me.
i went to see my ex and my doggie the other day after i got off work. i miss that little girlie. she was growling when i first walked through the door, so i walked down the hallway and said, "DON'T you growl at your mama!," and she started doing those huge jumps in the air, like a fish out of water! SHE REMEMBERED ME! i was all tearing up and stuff, because i really didn't think she'd remember who i was. and SHE'S HUGE!!! she's just like my baby jezzy, ONLY BIGGER! <3 sweet girl!!! my sweet baby girl, i miss her SO MUCH! and she's just as bad as ever! lmao! phil was showing me all the things she's chewed up, and i was stuffing my hands in my mouth so i wouldn't laugh! poor baby girl! i wish i had a place for her to come stay, because i would take her in a heartbeat.
and yes, then me and phil hugged, and it was all awkward and shit, and NO, we didn't kiss. and yes, i miss him. so leave me alone. i miss familiarity. or him. i don't know. i've never been in this situation before.

no, i really do miss him. i just wish we were...more compatible? or i was less of a bitch? or he didn't smoke pot? hell, i don't know. it's tv night, and i don't have the brain cells to think about this right now.

thank god for cartoons, or i'd get NOTHING off my mind at the end of the week. loves ya'll & missin' ya'll bunches. i'm feeling better, just need heather and others to keep kicking my butt on a daily basis. i'm slowly pulling it together. just don't know where i'm going with this. i feel so useless to the world right now. breathing air, and not rightfully earning it.

hey, leave me a damn comment or something, if you get on here to read. i like to know people are reading. not that i write for people to read, but i like to know if i say something that makes people go, "cripes, i was just thinking about that the other day, and i didn't know how to word it!" because that's my problem - i have LOTS to say, but i can't say it very good when i'm talking. typing or writing - TOTALLY DIFFERENT, don't ask me why. and so, i'm horrible when i fight or argue with people, because they're like, "yak yak blah, yakkity blah blah, meh meh foo!" and my brain is like, "just punch him. just punch him in the mouth to make him shut up because i can't think of anything to say right now. i'll think of something clever to say later...after a nap."

ok, cartoon-time.

3 comments:

Tabatha said...

hey. what kinda doggy is she?

the Todd said...

wow. I just took in a HELLUVA lot all in one gulp there. You are truly a Porter inside, thats for sure. I have a lot of thoughts and commentary, but I'll opt for private conversation on that if it's all the same to you. For now, though, I'm glad you are headed up and yes, sometimes an end is a good thing even if it didn't end well. Peace and love. Talk to you later, and DON"T FORGET MY DAMN MAGAZINE! j/k

Nikki said...

Hey there!

Once again I am reading your blogs. I so can relate to you though. Well, I know kinda how it is to question things. My ex, whom I dated for four years, gave up our relationship to drugs. I gave him the option, but obviously I wasn't good enough for him. However, I will not be put second to drugs!! We also had our differences. He was more party, and I am more stable..if that makes any sense. We have been broken up for a year now, and I have met a wonderful guy who treats me like a princess.. I'm not use to it so I kinda like the pampered thing. I hope things work out for you, and the doggy :)

I had to take a moment to rant.

I <3 you dearly! If you ever need me I am here!!