What this means is that I've encountered something that I know I will eventually get through, but I'm not sure when and how long it's going to take.
The things that I fear most are the decisions I have the potential to make. I only want to make the correct decisions from here on out, but how do I KNOW what's correct and incorrect? I know everyone can't make the right decisions all the time, and that's fine. I just don't want to make those decisions I always make that have disastrous consequences.
I'm less stupid these days - ok, maybe only according to some. I still feel like a kid inside, but I have a lot of reasons for that, reasons that would require a whole new post. But I'm still the same kind of retarded grown-up I'll always be - the kind that reenacts dramatic stories, wishes the Harry Potter adventures were real, and cries when someone close to me hurts my feelings.
But in the long-run, I've definitely become more responsible, and I have NO idea when that happened. I'm still looking for the right place to live (I doubt I'll ever find it), the right person to love (and one who loves me back), and the right path to take, regarding the rest of my life. I'm still hell-bent on going into the Peace Corps or doing some sort of long-termed humanitarian work. Those are honestly my only desires at this point in my life.
I'm terrified at what's going to be on the other side of that drift.
You look for me:
Will it be good, or will it just hurt me again? I don't know that I can be that person I'm supposed to be, but I'm damn-well trying.
Just don't expect me to not love you anymore, because I still do.
1st Corinthians 13