Heather, why is it so cold in here?

I'm over at my Mig's house right now. I brought over all of my DISHES, to use her dishwasher. How sad is that, huh? &=D I think it's fantastic that I hate doing dishes. But, come do my dishes, and I'll do your laundry for a year. I can do some mad laundry - ask anyone!

Anyway, the internet at my house is down, since we had that flood that crashed in Justin and Ali's ceiling. We're using Tanner's 2Wire modem, which apparently means we're on dial-up...and the kind of dial-up that doesn't actually work. I can make it through 2 pages, before the damn thing shuts completely down. I'm wondering if it's maybe just my computer, since I've heard no one else complain.
Note to self: investigate internet booboos.

And, thanks to an unnamed source (thank you, unnamed source - I know who you are and that's all that matters), I now have my medicine, gas in my car, both my headlight and my brake lights replaced, cat litter, I'm going to get my license renewed tomorrow, and I was able to make it to my work dinner on Saturday night! Thank you!!!! thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!! It's been rough, but now, I think I can make it. I'll get paid this Friday, then I can work on paying tiny bills, then working my way up from there. I was doing okay for a good bit, until something happened, and I was down again.

Unfortunately, I'm not really ready to mention that "something" until I find out more about it.

I feel so serious, lately. But a lot of serious things have happened. My mind is just constantly spitting out things that I need to blog, talk about, ask someone, remember, write down, do, forget...but it never comes at the right times. Things happen daily that makes me want to blog. But, someone/thing always takes me away from that.

Fortunately - the beacon in the night - dance classes have started back. I'm so glad, and I've already started doing sit-ups! I've got so much work to do, and I practiced NONE this weekend! Well, I practice doing the basic hip shimmy singles in the grocery store or wherever, but that's really kinda hard with other people around. Otherwise, I do butt squeezes in the car (heehee), and I'm constantly doing anaerobic stuff with my abs (read, squeezing my stomach muscles and holding my breath, until right before I pass out!). But I love class nonetheless, no matter how fat my reflection is!!!! (Btw, it's huge. I think the mirror adds like up to 15lbs or something.) No worries - this is my time to get into shape, which is good, since my entire body is killing me. At least I won't feel the lactic pain once it sets in!! That will be secondary to everything else I'm feeling!!!
But, I'm okay. I'm kind of coming to terms with the pain. Doesn't really make it any easier, but I'm so good at faking the looks of sheer terror that cross my face, people just mistake it as me having a good day! &=D Whatev.

All I know is that the plan needs to hurry up. What am I saying? That's up to me! Well, anyway, if any of you know how I can get to Sudan, please let me know. Peace Corps doesn't offer that as an option, and just suck up whatever I know you're going to say to me, but I want to start with the hardcore. I want to go to the bad places. I'll go to Darfur. I don't care. I don't believe that's tempting fate. I do believe, however, that God will protect me (all atheists chuckle) and keep me safe for as long as I'm supposed to be here. Otherwise, I have some wonderful people waiting for me in the afterlife.

Assuming I "get in," now. With my behavior and antics, as of late, some people would be concerning themselves with that very thing. Please don't. Me and God talk...a lot more than you'd think. We're close. He knows me, and I'm pretty comfortable with Him. So please take comfort in the fact that the "retard" has her own soul in check.

Ahhh, but Sudan.....who would join me? Anyone? Nah. It's no one else's cup of tea. People get scared at the thought of, not only the travel, but the vision of the reality of that much poverty. Every night, I chide myself for doing nothing. You think I exaggerate? Every night, I ask God for forgiveness for being so selfish and so self-centered and so wasteful and egocentric and "American." For all that God has given me, I should be working right now to give others just the tiniest taste of those same privleges. To be with people who actually appreciate life, instead of people like me, who rue every, single day - I can see that being beneficial. And, diseases? Wars? Oppression? What about the many dangers that come with it?

I can't seem to make people understand that I'm okay with that. You may think it very selfish of me to "do this to my family," but I like to think of it the other way. I feel like I'll be representing our family and the morals and values with which we were raised and believe (maybe some of us, anyway). God or no God, people can be good and can do good things. So many people I know are living proof of that.

The vulture and the child.

I think about her every day of my life and every night before I go to bed.

I will help.

I will do what God has called me for.

Maybe someone will one day join me so we can be twice as powerful.

I may not know much of anything else,

but I know how to help.

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