Okay, so there's been some shit going on at work, and apparently, someone found out that I went to belly dancing class on Thursday, one of the days I was off work, and thus, spread it around the department. So, now, everyone's pissed, and apparently, just because they found out I went, I'm the reason for the downfall and crappiness of the Radiology Department.
You know what? Yeah, I went to class. You know what else? It was after hours, and it's none of your DAMN BUSINESS what I do on my off time. You know what I did there? I took a ton of pain meds before I went. And, I sat. And, I watched. And, I took notes.
But, as my boss said, "what would you think if you found out someone did that? You must have felt well enough to go to class."
First of all, I don't CARE what these people do in the time they're not here. It's none of my business, and I don't want to know. If they tell me, fine.
Secondly, I'M NOT SICK. MY ASS HURTS. Plus, I had fucking cabin fever like you wouldn't believe. I doped my shit up, a friend took me to class, I sat stark still and observed, then I went home. I like my class, and I want to be a part of it, when I can. I didn't DO anything.
No one's ever called to check on me or sent me flowers or even a card, after I've had surgery. I take that back. A COUPLE of people have done that. You know how many fucking cards we've passed around here for everyone to sign???? Once, I got a card in the mail that said, "The Radiology Department."
WOW. I mean, don't everyone care all at once. God love her, she was the one who thought of me and went out and bought the card and signed it herself. And, I appreciate that very much. Thank you.
All the rest of the times, and Mig knows what I'm talking about, everyone thinks I'm a big liar. That I'm overly dramatic, and I'm faking it. Yes, I bought that green snot at a novelty shop. I screamed at the top of my lungs last night, so that I wouldn't have a voice the next day. I physically cracked a bat over my kneecap, so that it would break, causing me excruciating pain. My ass? It's all lies. Just because
Anyway, stay out of my fucking personal life. I don't get all up in YOUR business. If you tell someone, that's your prerogative. But, I'll never speak of MY business ever again. If you're lame enough to try to dig up some dirt on me, read it here. I don't care. You must be pretty bored to have to read this stuff anyway. Because most of you aren't friends of mine. Work friends? Riiiiiiight. These people stab each other in the back, before their backs are even turned. Yes, I've been party to it.
But, I've decided, my resolution this year will be "don't tell me - I don't want to know."
I smile just to get through the day. &=D Trust me, I don't want to be here, any more than you want me here.
It's all in the timing.........
Those of you who DO actually care about me, thank you. YOU know me, and that's all that matters. Some of you have watched me walk through the fires of hell and been there to great me on the other side. YOU are the most important people to me. What happens at work is just trite and trivial. It's all about who's getting the blame next. But, it's never the higher-up's fault. In fact, TKC is having that problem right now.
*sigh* It comes from everywhere, though. The department was falling apart, before I even HAD surgery. And, it didn't have anything to do with me. So, I'm the late one. I'm DOING something to remedy MY problem. We've got all the ones that TKC has - the late one, the bitchy one, the one who can't do anything right, the one who leaves early, the hateful one, the one who never calls....they're all over the damn hospital.
We used to work well, but I also used to give a crap. The reason I DON'T give a crap anymore, is because nothing's going to change. It's NEVER going to change. It's partially the fault of the main source, but it's also _________________'s fault. Fill in the blank. Let's compare answers, and see who each person sees as the problem.
It's not that I hate anyone. I'm just sick of everyone's crap. Hell, I'm sick of my OWN crap. It's just like being back in high school again - and I hated high school! Only, now, it's GROWN MEN & WOMEN who are involved, butting into your friggin' business!
I don't INTEND on being late. I don't ENJOY being sick. I'm certainly not CELEBRATING, when I find out I have to have surgery, or the flu, or pink eye, or a cyst, or taking one hundred thousand days off. And, if the boss doesn't write me up, then he doesn't write me up! I've TOLD him to write me up before! I've done enough shit to get fired, but you know what? SO HAS EVERYONE ELSE!
You name it: harassment, threats, being late (not only me), intentionally lying, freaking out, insubordination, "i'm not doing it," "this isn't in my job description," "i'm leaving it like i found it"..... It's pretty ridiculous. And, that's just in THIS department, alone! Down in surgery, I have NO PROBLEMS. Everyone works together. Sure, they have their favorites, and their fights, and their cliques, and their lazies.
But, I acknowledge it! I know I'll always be known as "the late one!" I'm bitchy some days, I'm quiet some days, I'm lazy some days, and I'm bouncy and happy some days - sometimes I'm just not at the top of my game. But, more than not, (and NONE of you, can deny this), I'm fine. I work. I do MY job. And, it STILL amazes me that I can get in trouble, when I've done everything I'm supposed to do. It's like they LOOK for things.
I'm just tired, okay? I'm tired of being yelled at. I'm tired of being the one in trouble. I'm tired of being the target. I'm tired of being WATCHED.
I just work. I plow through the days. Lots of times, I have off days, where I'm just not totally here. A lot of the things I've been going through have messed up my rigorous, tight sleep schedule. I'm trying REALLY HARD, to get that back. Sometimes I even have to *shudder* ASK FOR HELP. Heather's calling to wake me up. My boss used to do it, but he would forget.
*Incompleted*
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