Happy Place

Okay, I'm a little more calm than I was earlier.

I'm a lot more calm. And, yes, my hand hurts, now.

All it takes is just to ignore this shit. At the time, though, when I actually received the text, it just made my blood boil. But, it's all completely unsubstantiated and unfounded, so I don't know why I'm getting mad.

Yes, I do. It's because it's ME. And, although it will come across as this, I'm not trying to be pious - but it's ME. I wouldn't let anyone drag the names of any of my innocent friends through the mud, so why should I sit back and let it happen to me?

The answer is, it doesn't matter. There's no reason for drama. Cory said it right. This is one of those things, as with many other things in life, that we'll never understand. There's no point in even trying. This is between their two crazy asses, and if they want to fight about me being preggers, when obviously, I'm not, or being with this guy, when clearly, I wasn't, then, whatever. Go right ahead. Drag my fucking name through the dirt. Just leave me alone. Don't call me and tell me about it, because I don't care. Don't ask me any questions, because you already KNOW the answers. Call someone who wants to buy into this shit. I already HAVE the people who are important to me - they know me, and those people are the nucleus of my world.

I LIVE HERE, IN BIRMINGHAM. I hardly even GO to Pell City anymore, and when I do, it's STRICTLY TO SEE MY FAMILY.

It just pisses me off, because of all the shit that I put my OWN self through this past decade, and the time and effort that it's taken me to fight and climb and tear my way back to the top, all someone has to do is be stupid for one second and say one retarded thing, and it's all taken away from me.

No. No, that's not what's going to happen. These people are NOT that important in my life. In fact, they really have no bearing. I thought the one was a friend, but he's completely betrayed me from day one, and I don't deserve that sort of treatment, when I've never been anything but kind and understanding and patient and non-psychotic to him.

I don't know how in the hell I got wrapped up in this mess. I understand that lies are so much more potent and a whole hell of a lot easier to tell than the truth, but seriously, guys. It's not worth it. It REALLY isn't. This is the one area in which I have complete experience - I'll never revisit it.

If you guys just want to stay together and fight and be miserable and accuse each other of infidelity, faithlessness and a complete lack of scruples, best wishes. I have NO DESIRE to be a part of ANY. OF. IT.

Pick someone else to play the part in your covert, pregnant affair - I'd actually LIKE to have a family one day. Don't try to turn it into something sick and disgusting in front of me.

If you want drama, KEEP IT, MOTHER-FUCKERS. I've got enough shit on my plate to be worrying about YOUR fucked-up relationship.

So, Brooke, stop calling me, or we're going to have a real problem.

And, Wes, my best friend is ready to kick your ass. You need get your own shit straight. Apparently, Brooke's not the only one who has issues.

Maybe you DO deserve each other. Good luck to you - you're sure as hell going to need it.


anna♥ said...

We should have a drama contest to see which one has the most in their lives.

I think it'd be a draw.

Jimmy said...

Somehow I don't doubt that. I mean, what the FUCK is wrong with people???? How can you LIVE LIKE THIS??? It's like there's always a monkey on your back, someone whispering in your ear, your mind constantly on who's doing you wrong.

I always think my existence is miserable, because I can't stop feeling so much, but THIS...this is far worse than I would ever be willing to admit.

How mother-fucking redneck can you get?