i'm back in huntsville. somehow, i keep making it here. somehow, everyone i know is from here. hunstville puts out pretty good people, despite how i might have dogged it in the past.
speaking of the past, we visited again today. first time i've gone there in a while. i told the aaron story, basically how i got to where i am (aka. how i got to be so f*'d in the head). i cried, again. i didn't think i would. but i did. i've seen, heard & experienced a lot of things from the past in the past two days: starflyer, pizza inn, hazel green, madison, tooth & nail, velour, vbcc, best buy, road names i know and remember, places we went, memories we made. it was a little harder than i had originally expected, but i think i did well overall.
i did the "normal face" and pushed my way through. but honestly, i've had fun this weekend. i'm going to my first hockey game tonight. my fire is dying out some, but i'm feeling my way through the dimming light. i'll be damned if i'm getting through this shit alive. i might not come out unscathed, but life is full of bumps and scrapes - you're gonna get hurt if you live. not much fun if you don't, right?
i mean, i haven't come almost 7 years through fucking hell, to die at the feet of the devil. fuck him, man. i can do this. i have help. i need help. i have time. i need time. i have love. i need love. i have everything i need. i have forgiveness. i need it - i just have to give it to myself. and i don't know how, but that's part of my work. i still have a long road cut out for me, but at least there's a road. sometimes i just lose my way. i have guides. i need them.
just bear with me. i'm working my way through.
if i get lost, just turn me in the direction of my road and push me. even though i've become a LOT more protective of my personal space in the past few months, you might want to give me a hug...you know, just for the road.