&=) v. &=/

i'm having 5 good minutes. okaaaaay, GO!

so, i can't really talk a lot about what's going on, cause it's kinda private, but just in my head - don't worry, i'm not sharing with anyone right now. i'm just scared to get hurt. again. right now. but i - ok, i'm just in a good mood. what happened? nothing! nothing happened. i'm just feeling better, right this second. sometimes i think i'm bipolar, cept'n my highs aren't that high. like now, i'm just in a good mood, and i feel a little floaty. and NO, I HAVEN'T BEEN SMOKING OR DRINKING, so thank you very much.

ummm, i'm 'bout to go, inna minute. but i just wanted to say that i went to the doc (finally), and he's setting me up for a sleep study, cause he thinks i MIGHT have sleep apnea. i told him i have really, really bad headaches, and i can sleep a whole, whole lot, but when i wake up, it's like i haven't slept at all. and i said, "sleep apnea's for fatties," and he said, "ahhh, common misconception." otherwise, blood work's fine, and i'm just trying to figure out the chicken or the egg, eg. the depression or the fatigue. so we'll see.

and sorry to the fatties. i didn't mean to say fatty (un-pc), but you get what i'm saying. and i love fatties anyway. and i am one, so stfu.

woah, i'm stellar all of a sudden. and i'm scared to be. i'm afraid to be in a good mood. GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

maybe...but i dunno. no. be quiet. don't say things. i didn't. say anything. das a good movie. oh, and i took ricky to see fearless, the jet li movie, and it was really good. i thought i would hate it, but i didn't. oh, and me and heather are having date night next friday, so i'm glad of that. god, why is my depression so long-standing? i wish i could feel this way ALL the time. i'm going to end up turning to drugs one day - i can forsee it! &=( crap. i'm tired of crap. and sometimes i think i'm ready to settle down, BUT NO! so be quiet. i didn't say anything! &=( i think the biggest hard part is over. and i'm scared. because it might be over, but it might not.

all this = i'm tired of being disappointed, and sometimes i think if it happens one more time, i'm gonna snap. just *SNAP*.

ok, there it is. the call is in. i hafta go. &=) wish me luck!


see? i'm THE biggest buzzkill, just in case anyone was wondering. i shot that mother-fucker down like a sharpshooter on crack. damn, i'm good. and it took me...a week and a half? god, i'm a friggin' idiot.

that's all - i'm just an idiot. and i don't know why they let people like me out in public.
christ, this sucks. i'm going to bed. like forever. JESUS, i hate being a chick. and i hate thinking too much! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh...........................


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