1.16.2008

I AM the Expert Beekeeper

mood: frustrated

I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

It's sleeting here, Jammy has both hands up under the bed (?), and Booboo is sitting in my lap.

And, the only thing that's coming to my mind is the phrase "Expert Beekeeper."

My mind is so derisively blank, I'm becoming a little stressed about it.

Work was blah today. We didn't do anything. I never do anything, it seems. It just doesn't feel like anything I do is going to make a bit of difference. I feel like Heather and I were just talking about the other day, that feeling where you'll never do anything else, at the place where you stand. You're just stuck. You can't move up, you don't want to move down.

But I feel like there's so much more to what I'm supposed to be or have or do or WHATEVER. I just can't figure it out.

Ok, here's the catch:


I want to get married.



Now, everyone scream and run away.



That's what I feel like I want to do.

I meet so many of these "prospects"...but you know, it's the always-present, never-changing dilemmas of "he's gay, he's married, she's a chick, he's just not that into you, he doesn't believe in marriage, he doesn't believe in God, he's not ready," etc, etc, etc.

How the flarg did I get myself into this?!?

Oh...right.

Don't answer that, please.

Anyway, I'm so tired of waiting around for the world to come to me. But what to do in the meantime?

I don't know.

I don't know that I'll ever know.


Right now, I know someone's selling a Honda Civic Hybrid in the paper, and I'll be damned if that's going to be my car.

Ok, well, I hope it will be...

I need one or two things to be on the up-and-up for me. Just so I can have something to keep me going. Because right now, I'm pretty much sucking at life.

Frustration - unabated
*sigh*

1 comment:

HEWY said...

Careful with the marriage for marriage sake. I'm going to Dr. Von Fraud on you for a second:

1. Is it marriage that you want or do you really crave stability?

2. Do you think that a marriage will make you happy in of itself?

3. Does a cigar look like a hotdog?


Don't get mad at me. Because you are probably thinking, I don't know you so I should keep quiet but I read you blog enough to want to share an opinion. I hope everything will work out well.