Karma is a real-live bitch, & I'd like to kick her ass

This is exactly what's happening to me at this moment. There's not one, single thing that's gone right, and things are only getting worse. As for my health, well, I'm really sliding downhill. I had a horrible cold that has transformed into a terrible high fever, with horrible all-over body aches. I can't even stand to get out of bed to take Jack to potty. I can stand outside long enough to let him pee, but any longer than that, and I feel like fainting. I've been denied independent health care coverage by BCBS, twice, so Dave suggested I go apply for charity care tomorrow at Kirklin, because I'm not eligible for Medicaid. Which means, I get free coverage and my doctors get no money. I'm overdue for a pap, the dentist, and whatever else is going to hit me out of the blue. You have no idea how much I hate charity care. I mean, it's good for those who need it, but I don't need it. I need a goddamn job and some fucking insurance. I need a car. I need whatever has me possessed to leave my body and let me get on with my life, what little is left of it. I'm in so much pain, I can't even describe what it's like. Let's just say, I can lay flat on my back, and it feels like something is ravaging my body at every point. There hasn't been one minute that I've been out of pain for about a week, now. Now, there's the rain and the cold, and I'm just waiting to end up like one of those elderly patients, who's fixed in a rigor mortis position, knees and arms drawn up to my chest.

There's not one good thing I have to report...except that Cris is still hanging around, which for the life of me, has me baffled. I managed to get seriously and disgustingly ill, then immediately pass it on to him, and not only that, but I'm getting SICKER. Thankfully (well, not to me), he's leaving on Thursday to go on tour and won't be back for a week. MAYBE, just maybe, I'll get better in that small amount of time, although I'm not looking for anything. Seriously. I'm not looking for anything to happen. I'm literally just waiting to die at this point. I can't believe how fucking horrible I feel. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know what kind of job I should get, once I get my car back. I don't even know what to do with my fucking future. I really want to just light my entire life on fire and walk away - nay, RUN away. Run as fast as my fucking feet can possibly carry me.

Eg. Sitting here, typing on the computer, with my elbows bent, I'm experiencing the most excruciating pain in both my elbows - why? Who knows?

Anyway, fuck some future, fuck some plans, fuck some getting better, fuck everything there is to fuck. For some reason, God hates me and is keeping me alive, and all I'm doing is suffering. I don't even fucking feel like crying anymore. I used to think I had this grand plan I was supposed to fulfill, that I was going to meet the most awesome guy, and we'd live happily ever after, doing whatever it was we did. But, now, I know that's completely untrue. God is punishing me for what happened with Aaron all those years ago. I've tried to tell Him that I learned my lesson, but it's fruitless. He doesn't care. This is all some masterful character-building bullshit that seriously makes me want to commit suicide. But, I don't think I could even do that right. I know people always say He doesn't give us more than we can handle, but um, what happens when yu can't do it anymore? Seriously? If this "taking one for the human race" was actually going to accomplish something, like stopping world hunger, or stopping all abuse, or stopping all suffering, then I'd totally buck up and take it with my mouth shut. So far, it's done nothing but make me mean and thankless and hateful, and I don't fucking want to do it anymore!

What the fuck ever - like bitching ever solved anything.

Anyway, here's the comic - it's from Buttersafe. It portrays my life perfectly at this exact moment. It's probably why I've suddenly spiked the fever this morning, because I'm fucking possessed. The sad thing is, it wouldn't surprise me - AT ALL.

Right, and disregard the joke about the junk. Mine just says "Sucks to be you."

And, for what-the-fuck-ever reason, the comic won't blow up, so here's the link. Sorry. It's much funnier when you know what the damn thing says.

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