What do YOU think about?

I found this while looking something up (no, not a job), and I was laughing SO HARD at it, someone in Books, Beans & Candles asked me if I was okay. &=P I guess it is kinda strange, in a fairly quiet place, if someone is quietly heaving with laughter, with tears streaming down her face. Oops. &=P

*Obviously, the ones in bold red are the ones I can completely relate to and have at one time given deep thought to.

Also, I have a couple of my own to add:

- I'm sitting in a very tiny shop, working on the computer, and there's a man who came in here, and is sitting at a table alone, no books or computer and just staring at everyone. I think there ARE actually inappropriate places to go "people watching." This is one of those places.

- I hate when I've been listlessly gazing around, with nothing on my mind, I make eye contact with someone. I wonder if they think I've been staring at them and how long I was staring. (I also fear people can see me looking at them through my sunglasses.)

Btw, please add your own in the comments! I'm fascinated by the absolutely random things people think about!

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. That’s enough, Nickelback.

7. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

11. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. (I felt this way with Ghostbusters 2 recently).

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying

22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.

23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

33. I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

34. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

35. Bad decisions make good stories

36. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

42. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

43. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

44. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

48. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

52. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

54. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

56. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

58. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

59. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

61. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

62. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Anaphylaxis due to sorrow

This is not going to be easy.

I can already tell.

I took a handful of meds about 30 min ago, in the hopes that their cumulative effects would efficiently knock me out. No such damn luck.

Jack is agitated, I'm standing on the edge...aside from getting very little accomplished yesterday with moving, this has been the worst weekend I've had this year. I'm trying to be objective and adult about all this, and I can already see, it's not going to work out that way.

As harsh as this may sound*, and as many people it's liable to offend, you know I have nothing but real and true love in my heart for all of you, who have managed to stick by me over the years, even if it's only for my "incredibly entertaining and spontaneous wit," as one friend was recently quoted as saying.

(Seriously, WHERE do you guys come up with this stuff? Hey, I'm TOTALLY flattered, and it makes me smile, but I haven't the slightest idea how I'm any more entertaining than that horse who ended up spending the night in the alcove of a bank. Stuff happens, words come out of my mouth, I do things, and that's it - I pretty much follow the same patterns everyone else does.)

*I don't trust anyone. Once she's gone, there's no one on earth in whom I have that absolute and implicit trust. And, I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I NEED to have that one who is my complete, impartial sounding board. And, although there are people who love me (question your motives, please), there will never be another soul who is as absolutely intune with my life as she is. My friends are her friends. She knows my every thought. She can sort and separate every tear I've ever shed. We've had a friendship that could rival all others.

I would NOT be alive today, if it weren't for God's grace of letting me borrow her for a while.

But, why?

So, now, this lame human being will be left to the elements, tossed to and fro in a sea of distrust, untrustworthy emotions, lies, snakes, thieves, the selfish who seek only to build within themselves and only destroy all those external.

How can this happen, just from her moving 450 mi away, a 7-hour drive?

It will. Not because I want it to. But, I'm not big on relying on false hope. I'd rather be disappointed now, with the possibility of redemption in the future, rather than pretending it's all just going to be hunky-dory.

Already, the dynamics of our friendship have changed. No, I don't love her any less. I just suddenly feel like I've been inadvertently thrown from the airlock, without a tether. As I'm slowly floating away, I can see the friendship, as a whole, orbiting around what used to be our planet, our life together, in the inky, black void. But, eventually, time will take over, other friends come into play, LIFE goes on. Not much you can do but "stay in touch."

I wish everyone could understand what I'm talking about. I wish everyone had one of "THOSE" friends, the one whom you could call in 3a in the morning, if you drank too much and forgot where you parked your car; or to whom you can cry about dumb things, like Harry Potter's owl dying; or you can use the most random string of words, and she can always translate - because she always knows. She always understands.

She's the kind of person who, even within a week of meeting her, and you end up in the psych ward at the hospital, she'll shock you to death by voluntarily coming for a visit, armed with nothing but a card, a hug and a few encouraging words.

As eloquently as I'd like for things to come across, I don't know if there's ever another word I'm going to be able to say to her.

I just wish I could avoid the personal affront this is creating in my mind. I don't even want it to be an issue. But, I can't stop thinking about it. It wears me out. The crying is draining me. And, I've lost that awesome fire that was stoked, when I got my apartment. This has created an angry mark of dispair, that now stains everything.

I don't want to tell her these things, because I don't want to hurt her. I'd give my life for her to never have another tear fall from her eye, to never experience another ounce of pain. I guess that's why I'm telling myself. Once again, though - I don't trust anyone. Not even me.

I know that I can never give her back what's she's given to me - unwaivering support. And, there's no sense in me even trying, because any of my attempts would seem so trite and "pedestrian."

Haha, I can't even use that word without wanting to laugh, but all that seems to be coming out are these stinging, hurtful tears, laced with feelings of betrayal and anger. My throat is coated in mourning, and I feel like if I say anything, all that would come out would be a sad hymn of the loss of innocence. My brain pounds with good memories and bad. My heart skips beats for all the time we didn't make the most of.

I'm so sorry. This won't make sense to any of you, and I apologize. The way I describe it, it's like I'm watching her die or that I'll never see her again. I wish I could simplify my feelings about her, but the only thing I can possibly relay is, I've always put a LOT of stock in having friends and then, a BEST friend. I may say someone is one of my best friends, but that friend has nothing on Heather. It's just because somehow, Heather and I have always had this special connection, this level on which we alone function. There's nothing that I've ever requested of her, that she hasn't been more than willing to provide, no matter how heinous.

She's been my mother, my sister, my devil's advocate, my sounding board, my conscience, my everything...

I can only tell you that she's my very best friend in the world, and although I must, I don't want to do this without her. I'm losing her. She may still grant me the honorary gratis title, but nothing will ever be the same.

She's my best friend, and I love her. And, I'm scared to lose her.

My Life Hurts

I'm moving today.

I don't feel like it, though.

I just found out that my best friend is going to be moving back home to Brunswick, GA in April. So, I've officially had all the wind let out of my sails.

My wings have been clipped, and I'm laying on the ground, tired and naked and vulnerable.

Most of you won't understand why this is such a big deal to me, but I know there's a handful of you who will.

I'm defined by who she is. I am who I am, BECAUSE of her. I'm always hesitant to let so much of my being be attributed to the results of another person. But, it's true. Heather has seen me through the worst stent of my life, and I owe her everything.

Her husband, Lee, got the job at the new VA that's being built in Brunswick. Her family and all her old friends are also there, so I truly can understand why she wants to go back. If Pell City built a new hospital and I could get decent pay, I'd totally go back there - not because of the city, but because of my family (I don't think I have any friends back home). But, that's a difference between a 40-min drive and a 6-7-hr drive.

I knew this was in the works, and I knew Lee getting the job was inevitable. But, no matter how long I knew about it, I don't think there was any way I could have ever prepared myself for this.

I had hoped to amuse you with anecdotes about moving this weekend, but I hope you'll forgive me, as I withdraw back into the dark, interminable forest for a while. My heart is shattered, my hands are shaking, and the tears just won't stop falling. I had horrible, fitful sleep last night, where I woke up crying, tormented with horrible dreams. It was only after I had regained coherence that I realized that all the nightmares were true, and she really is leaving.

As usual, I'm not looking for pity. I'm just asking for your patience. I may be a strong person, but it doesn't come without a dreadful price. I'm only talking about it, now, because it's the most important thing I have going on. I was excited about moving to my new apartment...but now I can barely move my arms. I feel like I've done something very horrible to deserve this - and, yes, my heart is already trying to cut ties. My friend Kristin was here last night, helping me pack, when I got the news. Kristin said it's just that reactionary "cut all ties before you get hurt anymore." I understand. Even before I had hung the phone up, I'd already started to resent her.

None of that matters, though. All the little stuff is just feelings and crap, and it's all very trite. In the overall big picture, I just want her to be happy, and I know this will make her happy. It would make me happy, too. I could hear the happiness in her voice, in the brief moment we were on the phone.

I can hardly hold my head up, I'm so worn. I keep thinking that I don't know how many more trials through which I can possibly push myself. But, I suppose I'll live through as many of them as it takes.

I came upstairs, while Kristin was downstairs and cried out loud. I didn't cry to God - I'm mad at Him right now, even though it's not His fault. He's not doing anything to spite me...but I'm still mad. I just cried for sorrow. The girls came and got on the bed with me, and Jack whined from his crate. They know I'm hurting.

And, I am.

She wants to come over to help us pack today, but I don't want her to. Kristin said I should cherish the time I have left with her, but...I'm in so much pain.

I suppose I should be looking for bigger and better things to happen, now, but I can't even see through my own tears. I NEED time to mourn. And, I DON'T want to hear sermons or preaching or crap about friendship, because I just need time to hurt. I need time to cry. I need space to fall apart.

But, this time, I'll be putting my own pieces back together.

MY apartment, NOT his.

Lots to post, no time to sit and think.

I'm moving into my apartment this weekend! &=D Actually, my friend Paul helped me start moving on Wednesday. He said, "why don't you just call and see if you can get the keys today? Then, we can start moving things." So, I called, got my money order for my first month, filled out all my paperwork, and I got my keys that day!

I can't even begin to express how excited I am (infinitely)! &=) In fact, I don't have time to right now! I use lots of words, a fact of which I'm sure you are all aware.

But, I ran across this thing called Translation Party, where it translates things to Japanese and back to English, since our languages don't always decipher, one into the other, very well.

So, I put in:
I am moving into my apartment this weekend

And, here's what I got back:

1st trans to Jap: 私は彼のアパートに、今週末の移動午前
1st trans back to Eng: His apartment I am moving this weekend

2nd trans back to Jap: 彼のアパートに私はこの週末に移動午前

2nd trans back to Eng: I am moving into his apartment this weekend

Um, NO! I'm moving into MY apartment! ALLLLLLLL mine! &=)


Several people have commented on how happy I am. Someone said that he didn't think he'd EVER seen me this happy. That made me sad. (kidding) But, I realized that this has been more oppressive and burdensome than I had originally thought. I thought I was just...I don't know - me. Eventually, though, the high will wear off, and I'll be forced to cope with daily life, again.

But, right now, I'm having the time of my life! &=)

Jack's with Ralph - he's keeping him until next week. We'll get everything moved (no, I don't know how, yet), I'll bring the girls in to acclimate them, get my bed built (WOOHOO!!!!), get Jackson's crate cleaned and put back together, and we'll be ready to live! I'm so excited that we're going to all be on the same level (even though Mama has a door *wink*), because I think we'll be a lot better able to commune and get a little closer to each other...without Jammy always having the option to run downstairs and escape into the bathroom. &=P

I'm hoping that we'll get a lot done and maybe we can start unpacking things...which is a little weird to me - other people touching my things. But, it's okay. I want to get unpacked this time. I wouldn't mind making this place "home".... for a little while, at least. No more attic, no more boxes.

I can't wait. &=)

From the frying pan to another frying pan

Haha, I had actually just started this blog off by saying that I was feeling a little better, but that rug was just jerked out from under me!

I had an apartment picked out and was ready to sign, so I called about it today, but the lady told me it was taken!

That had taken so much unnecessary stress off of me, but now, it's been heaped right back up on my shoulders.

Shit.

Anyway, I talked to that same girl with Apartment Locators and have her back on the hunt. I also talked to this guy at Select My Space, and he said to call back on Aug 1, because they'll have tons of notices coming in for Sept 1, since that's when I plan to be out.

Also, there's the world's most adorable house that's rent-to-own, which is ideally the most awesome of all the plans. It even says they deal with crappy credit.

*sigh*

I know this will all work out, but it's the constant anxiety and the potential heart attacks looming over me that get me right now. And, it's inevitable with me. Unless I'm supposed to stay doped up on klonopin, and that can't happen.

Physical therapist Joe says "relaxed tall." Dr Handley says "breathe."

fall.ing.a.part.

I'm trying not to cry, and I'm trying not to scream.

So far, holding both in are doing me no good.

Meeting with Dave after work to get help.

Wish me luck.

A very resistant request for HELP...

I don't ask for this a lot, but I need some thought and prayer...for myself. No matter how much others will always protest that it's okay for me to ask for help, so will I. I don't believe I'm in the position to ever be deserving of the help and assistance that others give me. I never will be, because there are so many others in need right now.

What I'm saying is, my life feels as though it's kind of spiraling out of control, and as you know, I don't like not having control over my life. I guess I'm not supposed to - that's for God. But, I don't even want God to have to have His hands in a mess such as this. It's not that I don't trust Him, and I know I don't talk to Him as much as I should, but I never ask for help on my behalf.

Right now, I need help. My mind feels like a blender and my life like a toilet. It's not even fair for me to say that. But, it's what I'm thinking and feeling.

I have a job...doesn't matter, though, because I hate it. Actually, LOATHE would be a more appropriate word.
I have my health...although my ills always seem to overwhelm whatever's still okay.
I have my family...but I don't see them as much as I should.

I have a lot, but everything's so askew right now (and I'm having such an incredibly sucky day so far), that I can't focus. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be focusing on. God - I should be focusing on Him. But, I can't even see how that will help.

I understand that we're supposed to come to Him when we need help, but God's not going to DO things for us. We still have to make the effort. I've seen people sit back and USE "the will of God" to get things they wanted or needed, and it infuriates me. Sure, there's a bit of jealousy when other people catch a break. But, when they use God as an excuse to be lazy and not take responsibility for themselves and their actions, that drives me to the absolute polar opposite extreme.

I'd rather NEVER accept help from anyone, ever again, and continue this horrific struggle, than to ever be labelled or thought of as a greedy, careless, indifferent, Christian zealot who believes that God will just provide everything on a silver platter. Just because you pray, doesn't mean you don't have to work for things.

Like I said, I know I'm overexaggerating, but you also don't have to be reading.

It's just that, by the time today had turned into "Super-Shitty Day," it wasn't even 9am. I'd rather just clock the fuck out, go home, pack my shit and move somewhere and do something else that would make me happy, as opposed to making money and making ends meet.

Fuck the ends. I'd just like for the days to be okay.

As much as I'm raging (inside) right now, I'm not angry with God - I'm angry at myself for getting into this situation, this situation that I created, which has only worsened over the years. After all these years, no matter what anyone else says, I should have my shit together. I WANT to have it together. No, I don't want to have the typical married/settled down/soccer mom life (purely preferential), but I would like to have another half who can help me. And, no, I don't plan on settling with just anyone - hence, why I'm still single. This sounds incredibly self-righteous, but I've had "opportunities" in the past. And, they may have even been sound, solid decisions, possibly even good "investments" (although just the thought of anyone having that kind idea makes me want to vomit). But, I refuse to do anything anymore without me being 100% behind it. If I'm not in love, then it won't happen. I'm not going to "end up" with someone just as my fall-back guy or financeer. I want to be in hardcore, mad love, before I ever let anything happen that will influence my life in that direction. I might not even be so diligent about it, if I didn't know that kind of love wasn't possible.

You know, my days probably wouldn't be such a struggle, if I didn't have such a mental and emotional bond with everything in my life. If I didn't CARE about anything - even if I didn't WANT to care about anything - my life wouldn't be such a fucking fight. But, the fact that I'd like to not stumble and stagger my way through life like a zombie makes a good bit of difference on how I view things.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so emotional about things. Maybe that WOULD be better.

Shit, this post is making less and less sense, the more I type. The more that comes out, the crazier it sounds. (And, yes, I know those of you who would agree.)

I'm sorry.

I'm not looking for physical help - if you guys could just keep me in your thoughts from time to time, that would be awesome. I'd really appreciate it.


Right now, all I want to do is stand in the middle of the hallway and scream like a crazy person. Who knows - maybe that's exactly what I need right now. Maybe it's what would help everyone else.

Here, let me see how well it works out - be right back.

I know, I know

Time for an update, although I've been incredibly busy - believe it or not, I've been busy making friends, being social and TRYING to stay out of the drama-light, although I've been a tad unsuccessful at that. (Anyway, that is the SERIOUS understatement of the universe.)

My friend Scott is down for a visit (leaving tomorrow), and we're about to go meet Cory for mine and Cory's regular Sunday night throw-down of the Sucky Pool Game of the Week.

And, that bitch is getting on my nerves, again. After so long for ignoring it, it's back, and I'm trying to keep it in check. I'm externally being a grown-up, but internally, I'm pitching a fit and kicking her ass. I shouldn't BE this way, but I also don't think I have these emotions for no reason. And, it really fucking gets on my nerves.

SHE gets on my nerves.

&>=(

Prayer / thought list for 7.19.09

Sorry, I know I need to play catch-up on my own life, but more important things are priority.

Prayers & thoughts:

• My wonderful, darling grandmother - her 86th birthday is July 29. I want her to be around until she's 150!!!!! I LOVE YOU, GRAMMY!!!!

• My Mommy, although no longer with me, but always a constant in my heart, would have celebrated her 60th birthday on Saturday, July 18th. I love you, Mama. I miss you so much............

• Dave and his family - his brother Greg passed away Friday, July 17. Family is coping, but this was very unexpected. Dave already lost his other brother a couple of years ago. Plus, he's had a lot on his shoulders for the past several months. He just needs a good support system, as well as God to keep his strength up. There's nothing I can offer you that would be comforting, Dave, except I love you.

• Mig's and my friend Kristin lost her grandmother this weekend. We love you, sweet girl, and if you need anything from either of us, let us know. Kristin's also having some extraneous stress in her life. I'm praying for the best outcome for you and your family, babe. Although you're in the very new, early part of this journey, and you've got a lot of work ahead of you, everything will work out. We love you, Kristin!

• Debbie Robinson, very close and wonderful friend of the family - constant prayers go out to her and her mother and father who are in delicate health.

• My friend, Holly - continued prayers for an easy and healthy pregnancy!

• One of my very good, very old friends, Larry Davis got married on Saturday, to his long-time sweetheart, Stephanie Machen. It was a beautiful, intimate wedding, and I wish them the absolute best. Remember - being best friends plays a huge part in a successful marriage. I love you, Larry! And, I miss the Davis family - it was SO WONDERFUL to see you all, after all these years!

• My aunt Amy's oldest daughter, sweet Erica has been experiencing some breathing issues, teaching at soccer camp this weekend, so they're going to have her evaluated. I love you, beautiful girl, and everything is going to be OKAY!!!!

• Also, Amy has recently discovered some issues with her thyroid, so she has imminent testing in her very near future - I'm saying my prayers for you, that this is all going to be benign, no matter what it turns out to be! (And, yes, I'm praying for no surgery!)

• My uncle Gordon hasn't been feeling well, but from what I've read he's feeling a good bit better - hey, at least these sick spells aren't as frequent as once before, right? Still, I'm sorry you've been feeling yucky! &=(

• My cousin Kate and her family are waiting to see if they're going to be approved for a house (in the neighborhood in which I grew up - couldn't have picked a better place, although I haven't been able to revisit, since I moved out eight years ago). Kate, I'm sending super-good prayers and vibes your way - you guys need this, and with God's will, it will go through!

• A friend from some years ago, Jennifer, needs thoughts and prayers for her aunt's medical problems - I just learned this from Facebook this evening.

• My Anna-belle has upcoming medical evaluations coming soon, and I'm really praying for good results from all of this!!!! I love you, beautiful girl! (Plus, she's been having some problems with drama - that stuff is useless, girl. We both know that - too bad everyone else doesn't share our same points of view! *frown*)

• Constant prayers and good thoughts for my friend Terry Smith - post-surgically, she's made leaps and bounds, and continues to be a strong inspiration for me, as well as others. I wish you the absolute best, Terry! Cancer sucks!!!! Here's hoping this is IT! NO MORE! &=)

• My Migs just found out about her little brother's up and coming nuptuals; they also have a baby on the way - best wishes to them, both!

• Also, Migs niece Ashley and her husband need special thought - they've been having lots of stress in their lives and need a break. I love you, Ash! You're always on my mind!

• Sweet Tabatha made it home to her family, from visiting other family in Huntsville - I'm glad you're home safe, sweetheart!

• My friend, Alan starts a new job tomorrow - good luck, honey!

• And, my friend Scott seems to be having a little more luck on the prospective job front...yet, he still gets to come visit with me next weekend! YAY!

• My friend, Cory is still having a really hard time finding a job. He's really been working the pavement and always ends up with a bunch of "maybes," but there's been nothing definite, yet. &=( I'm really, really sorry, Cory. Something will come through eventually...
  

• Phil texted me and says he's doing well in school, which I have never doubted.

• My coworker and friend Mark had knee surgery and is now home, recovering. I hope everything went well, babe, and we can't wait to have you back at work!!! (Although, I know you'll be EXTREMELY THANKFUL for the time off!)

• I hear from Heather Haynes' FB that the Cropwell Baptist Mission Team is on mission in Cleveland, TN. Praying God keeps you safe and works through you all for the best outcome!

• Uh, oh! It's almost time for kids to go back to school! I wish everyone's chillins the best in their endeavors - NO TOLERANCE FOR TEASING! Make good grades, you guys!

• Oh yeah, and me and Jack need some positive juju - we're still having a REALLY, REALLY hard time with this potty-training issue. I'm so frustrated - not with him, more with me. Frowny mom. &=(

• Lastly, I thank God for such incredible friends (and family!) and the fact we've been able to reconnect and stay better connected with so many old friends through the "magic" of the internet. Fellowship, even through somewhat impersonal channels as FB and MS, will always be necessary. At least we're able to know who needs us, even though sometimes all we can provide are thoughts and prayers from a distance.

As always, if I'm leaving someone out, PLEASE let me know - even if we don't know each other! I enjoy being able to put my thoughts to work, doing something constructive, rather than getting hung up in my own head. I don't care who you are, if you need thoughts and/or prayers, LET ME KNOW! I always have room for more!!!!!!!

I love you guys and adore you all! You all inspire me every, single day! You're ALL wonderful and deserve peace in your lives!

Mahalo and maluhia! (Thank you and peace!)



ps. Thanks for NO ONE telling me I had misspelled "mahalo" - "Malaho?" Really? ARG! Where did I graduate from - Pell City??!?!

You don't HAVE to be alone

We all need basic necessities.

We all need a chance.

We all need love.

We all need compassion.

We all need someone.

Even the very tiniest of us.




This is a very strong conviction I have about adopting animals.


Guest comic from Wapsi Square

Otakon 2009

If anyone loves me, you'll get me up to Baltimore tomorrow, to go to Otakon 2009, July 17-19.

&=)


I've always liked webcomics, but for the past couple of years, I've really gotten into anime and manga, through most of the online comics I read and cartoons I watch (ie. Shin Chan). Several of my favorite comic artists are going to be there (autographs!), so that would beyond rule.

Turns out, Otakon is the longest-running anime convention here in the United States, this being it's 15th year.

Obviously, I also love the other comics, so if Baltimore is out of the question, San Diego Comic-Con International is coming July 23-26. That's fine, too. I mean, I'm open to ANYTHING where there's cosplay, comics, cartoons, etc. Personally, I think we should have cosplay days at work at LEAST once a month.


If you'll just let me know how many weeks I'll need to take off for vacation and at what spa/resort I'll be staying, so I can let everyone know, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much! &=)

I miss Harry

Okay, so today, nothing has blown up, been flushed, fallen apart, attacked me...but it IS only 3p. What I'm saying is it's been a good day...so far.

Me, Heather, Lee, Larry, and his fiance are going to see Harry Potter tonight, so I'm excited about that. I've fallen so out of favor with HP over the years - my excitement has waned with the ending of the series. But, one of my coworkers, Amanda, and I were talking about the books, and I got all excited again. &=)

I can't wait until I get a new place (and get someone to teach me to build some bookshelves), and I'm going to pull out the whole series and read it, cover-to-cover, from beginning to end, all over again.

Okay, well, I can't wait till I get a new place, period.

Plus, I've met and made (and possibly alienated?) some new friends over the past month or so...all that will have to be addressed in later blogs.


I'm just excited to get back in touch with my inner Slytherin tonight. &=) I miss Harry and all the rest of our...I mean, his friends. *blush*

Harry Potter will always have a special place in my heart. He brought Heather and I together in a most unusual way - but that's a story for another time. &=D

SWF ISO peace

I have a lot of catching up to do. But let me just sum up the events of last night (minus the pooping in the bushes), with this comic from Wapsi Square:

Passing Storm

*sigh*

I'm staying home forever.

At least I'll stay out of trouble that way.

Hope for You

Remember, you're not the only one with problems:

(that's my mantra to keep myself out of my head)

• My grandmother, as always
• My uncle Gordon, as always
• My family - so we can rally together and make things better for each other
• Um, and just my family in general, because I love them so very much
• David's daughter, Staci, and his brother
• Anna.B and her ongoing fight with her innards - girl, we'll get this figured out
• Thanks for the Jimmerson's safe return from their summer trip
• Marti's sister Terry - surgery went well, now comes chemo
• Anpan Jack - he's doing better, but I pray every day that I can live up to his expectations of me and do what God wants me to do with him
• Phil's schooling
• Roy and his family
• Holly's pregnancy - everything to go well and for the baby to spontaneously turn into a girl en utero!!!! Hahaha, just kidding! That was for poor, sweet Lucy! Just praying for an excellent pregnancy all around!
• Laura's headache! GO AWAY! &=)
• Joseph's work
• Wes & Brooke's, um, "situation" and that I can stay out of it
• My friend Tabatha and her family are visiting Alabama, so keep them safe, during their visit and on the trip home
• My family's safe upcoming vacation
• Cory's job hunt
• Scott's job hunt
• Erica's upcoming work with UAB soccer camp (GO, girl! Make that money!)
• Shelby's precious heart
• My aunt's and cousins' children, because they're all so precious and wonderful, but have very full, decisive lives ahead of them.
• Dwane's constant dilemmas (I feel your pain, sweetheart)
• Larry's upcoming nuptuals
• Dina's situation
• Layne's husband, John's condition
• Sean's current complicated situation - I really hope things work out
• My situations - living, monetary, health, as well as mental - just trying to get things together and move, so I can get out of this oppressive place; want to pay off debt; need to get some things fixed within my physical self; and want to KEEP IT TOGETHER!

Again, if I'm leaving anyone out, let me know. I'm always happy to make these lists of people I need to keep in my thoughts, because I feel horrible leaving people out. I plan to lift each of these people up in prayer (no offense to my non-believer buddies), so that we can whisper in the ear of God our problems and our needs. That's what He's here for - to counsel. As well as Gaia, who can wrap her leafy arms around us in the presence of nature and, once again, make us a beautiful part of the earth, which is how it should be. Being in the presence of Gaia and God help me relax and let go of so much, lay so much down that has been forgiven and should have been forgotten long ago.

Unfortunately, Gaia makes me sweat a lot this time of year. *peeyew*

Love you, guys.

Prospector Jen

I have a prospective roomie in my sites. His name is Mark, and he's one of the couch-surfers I've met recently. Him being a dude doesn't bother me in the least. He has a girlfriend, which also doesn't bother me. The only thing is, I'm a little nervous about living with a complete stranger...okay, a LOT nervous. But, no one I know needs a roommate. Plus, since I have two cats and a dog, I'm the kind of person who would be really hard to pair with someone. Still, I have my reservations.

First off, I'm not really comfortable with other people around my animals. I know how people are and can be (cruel is the word I'm looking for), especially when you're not around. And, I'm not crazy about complete strangers. I know how people can have sticky hands around things that don't belong to them.

Second, this guy likes parties and people - I don't. When I told him I was a homebody and for the most part of every week, I hang out at home, I don't think he realized how serious I was. I consider myself a really quiet, low-key person, especially at home. I went and hung out with him and some of his friends on Saturday night, just to get a feel for things, and it was okay.

Third, he's on unemployment. He's actively looking for a job, but he's also going back to school for psychiatric studies. I just don't want to end up in the, "Hey, can you cover rent this time around, and I'll pay you back?" No. No, I can't. If we make an agreement like this, I fully and completely expect him to keep up his end of the bargain.

Fourth, when I enter into an agreement like that, I get nervous. What if he just up and moves? I can't afford to be moving all over creation, just because someone bails on me. Ugh, that makes my stomach hurt, just thinking about it. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that's when I usually end up getting super-screwed, is when I'm nice and trusting of others.

Anyway, he's actually been looking for a place for us, and he's found one over in Avondale, down the road from Bottletree - something like $550 for 2BR, which is REALLY good. I'll have to look it over, though, because in that area, for that amount of money, is a lot suspicious. I want my apartment to be safe, and I actually want to be able to have friends over. But, we're both in agreement about staying in Southside. I really want to stay close to work, although Avondale is a bit farther than I'd like to drive. Oh, well - it's a small sacrifice I can afford to make.

I wish Cory and I could room together, but he still hasn't found a job, plus he and Kerry are planning to get a place once he gets down here. &=(

So, if anyone knows of a good, quiet, clean, animal-friendly person who might need a roomie, please let me know. Like I said, I'm not super-excited about doing this, but money is bad, and this looks like the only way I'm going to be able to get a leg up on things. I hate to be pessimistic, but I can totally foresee this not working out.

But, I have to do something...and soon.

Happy Independence Day

Jack and I just went and saw fireworks on the top of the Highlands parking deck (yes, I have sweaty armpit in the photo, & yes, I know how utterly disgusting that is). He did pretty good, but we were absolutely swarmed with people and kids. I never realized how freaking annoying everyone ELSE is, when you have a dog. People (mainly the kids) would just come up and get all over him. Of course, he was about to have a come-apart, since there was so much action. He was so excited, that I could barely restrain him. HE did good - it was everyone ELSE that caused the problems.

Plus, I kept hoping that when I said the word "pitbull," people would scatter like roaches. No such luck. &=P One guy even lamented, "Oh, raise him right!" Look at that baby face - the only fighting this sweetheart will ever do is against...well, I can't even think of anything. I would say fleas, but we don't have fleas.

I can't tell Ralph about this, either, or he'll totally kill me dead. We're not even supposed to be around other people, yet. I can completely see why, though. &=\

The longer I have Jack, the more I learn SO MUCH about dogs, animals (in general) and other people. Like, the fact that people were just coming up to us and getting all over him and in his face was REALLY FRUSTRATING. I mean, eventually, he and I had to get up and move to another area, because the people were just driving him nuts. He's a baby, and he's in training. He's immature to everyone else's antagonizing. Every time I would pull on his leash to restrain or correct him, everyone would gasp and give me that whole, "Oh, don't do that! You're hurting him! He's just a baby! He's just excited!"

Look, I'm not paying YOU $750 to tell me how to handle my dog. The next time you've been working with dogs for 30 years and have been trained BY the best to BE the best, then we'll sit down and talk.

I realize, now, that you don't need to just assume that you can walk up to someone else's animal and start loving on it. It's like Ralph always says - it's not LOVE the animal is lacking; it's discipline. And, the animal doesn't get that with you getting down in his face and baby-talking him. That just drives him nuts and makes him want to act like a retard.

Anyway, fireworks were okay. Every year, I forget how to work my camera for the fireworks. I didn't get a lot of good pictures, so blah. I had my Ipod on the whole time, too, because I don't like the anticipation of the sound - too much anxiety for me. They're like canned biscuits and balloons.

Also, I was really having to keep an eye on Jack. I had his leash tied around my leg, but some of the kids kept running around, taunting him, and all it did was get him even more riled up. At one point, I thought maybe it wasn't Jack who needed to be kept on a lead so much as the kids.

WOW. If you have kids, please learn how to handle them. I know a really good trainer...

(This is him watching fireworks for the exact amount of time it took for me to snap the photo.)

*Sigh* It was definitely an experience that we won't be repeating, until he gets a lot older and more mature. But, we did get to see his Aunt Terri and Uncle Travis tonight, so that was nice! &=) I didn't get a picture with him and Terri like I wanted to, because once it was over, we made a beeline for the door, before everyone started coming after us, again.

Anyway, I'm about to go party with the Birmingham couch-surfers - no surprises tonight, though. Last time was too much. *gross*

Jack is absolutely passed out in his crate, snoring. We walked there and back, and he was panting his little heart out, so I gave him water when we got home. He's going to be sleeping like the dead tonight! &=)

Hope everyone had a decent holiday. I spent all day doing laundry, cleaning house, going through all the papers and bills I collect, sleeping and watching Simpsons. And, I'm pretty sure I won't be out for long tonight, either. I'm not into pulling all-nighters anymore. Bah. That crap's for kids.